It’s inside me, benevolence.
Behind aged bars, in a prison cell of my methodical design.
Hope, love and humane concern in a locked cage while the world burns.
I am my own malicious jailer.
The warden of woe.
Harsh consequences, under the self-imposed draconian rule.
Set ablaze my soul,
I don’t want it anymore.
So many wasted words spoken.
Now my mind has collapsed inwards with a medicated intrusion.
It is a little broken.
For the truth of this poet's life, is I have over one persona and recollection of none.
I am a soul hoarder, diagnosed with
Dissociative identity disorder
I am them; they are I
This is my truth.
Stuart isalittlebroken Johns
Ode to a Friend
The world told you women were weak.
So you went and stayed strong.
The world told you only money makes the world go round.
So you went and quit your job to raise a family.
The world told you men are assholes.
So you went and loved the kindest one you could find.
The world told you children need a better education.
So you went and homeschooled them because you realized the educational system sucks.
The world told you white people were racist assholes.
So you defended the right to base our opinions of people on their personality traits and acknowledge that people are products of their environment.
The world finally called you a Troll.
So you went and wrote a beautiful book on how to be a better fucking Troll.
To my fellow troll EstherFlowers1 - for teaching ME how to be a better fucking troll :) I'll always love you, dear teacher/mentor/mother/mediator/friend
What Disney Heroes Taught Me
- Step parents have dubious loyalty, do not trust right away
- Enjoy a happy life of housework safely hidden away with 7 men who won’t gang rape you because they’re short/old/frail so you can kick their asses (and at least one’s an idiot)
- Nevermind - they sold you out at your lowest moment to that stupid prince fellow who probably needs no servants, bastard, and can’t be bothered to ask for consent. Et tu, Grumpy?
- If you’re the prettiest sibling you’re set
- Resent the housework your stepmother gives you because once again, steps be dubious
- Wait for a beautiful old chubby lady to teach you how to be magically even prettier
- Seduce the rich boy but don’t give it all away, make him come to you
- How was this different than Snow White? Oh right. We’re cursed at birth because our parents are neglectful, passive-aggressive party planners.
- Instead of one fairy godmother you’re cursed so have three - but these ones will make sure your “pretty” nature is safely hidden away from the man who will...one day...save you? Because he wouldn’t like you growing up, nah, that’d be weird. He’ll only like you after you’ve safely hit puberty. I mean, gods, what if he thought you were too ugly to save? That’d be dreadful, and we can’t rely on “personality” obviously, you’re just another blonde airhead. Yup, three fairy godfolk were definitely needed.
- It is absolutely OK to sacrifice your greatest strengths/potential all in the name of some idiot who can’t even stay on a boat - like where the fuck are this guy’s sea legs?
- Yeah! Leave your entire world/family/friends behind and move to a world that EATS them! Because family loyalty is overrated and it’s all about that dumb prince!
- Oh...well, this time there’s no evil step parent, just a gentle and misunderstood “dad” who for some reason got angry when you thought you were adult at 16 and ran away to do all of the above. Poor dads, so misunderstood until we’ve already committed to our mistakes.
- Stealing is OK but don’t forget to marry for money / you don’t really want to be a street rat, you just need to risk your life for a con man and then somehow end up with a magical genie to climb that ladder of opportunity!
- Sure, she might have daddy issues but just don’t get eaten by that tiger and I’m sure she’s worth that fat kingdom dowry
- Natural talent doesn’t beat ability, but it sure compensates for smarts
- Ego is the natural substitution for healthy self esteem / present parents
- Foster care isn’t the same as real parents, apparently
- You can be bitchy if you’re skinny and the guy is kinda dumb / innocent - good to know
[Beauty & The Beast]
- Don’t be shallow - hold yourself to the same stupid standards as the other bimbos but make sure you love/appreciate those big shaggy hairy monsters that kidnap your father then force you to stay hostage in his place
- Never fall for an asshat who tempts you with towers and books. Fall for his fabulous staff who feed you and then settle for fixing his curse so they can all regain their former lives
[The Lion King]
- Fathers are necessary in your life, don’t let your evil uncles kill them & steal their power
- Men are lazy and women do all their work, so better appreciate women or you’re gonna go hungry and have to move in with the adopted gay uncles because they obviously treat you better than the evil one did
- Idiot, you let the woman talk you into going back and being a responsible leader. What happened? Sigh.
- Little brothers drive you crazy...but maybe sometimes they’re kinda cute
- You’re right to hate your mother...until she’s right...but sometimes you’re right
- Your real family will always love you when you stand up as yourself - they’ll just respect you if you give them credit for teaching you how to do it in the first place
- That crazy bitch you think is your mother is just using you for your magic, otherwise she’d let you outta that tower
- You actually don’t need that tower - you just need a safe space to express your beautiful creativity and you won’t feel creative unless you go out and see the world
- If you’d just lived with that Belle bitch she would have taught you books let you see the world and you’d both likely be happy little lesbians living alone in a library taken care of by all your formerly household object friends (actually, that sounds wrong, Belle, Rap here takes care of her OWN chores? I think you’re kinda classist and just hiding out in a castle because you’re a selfish bit--- what? what do you mean we’re breaking up??? UGH! This is why only that monster puts up with you!!!)
- Anything can be an effective weapon - never let go of your cast iron frying pans
- Bondage is fun kids but remember to untie him eventually - also, men don’t love long hair. They love high maitenance bitches who challenge their egos / also, you just found the one smart man in the kingdom, marry his fucking ass right now idiot
the stars blink
when they see you
they are the creators of constellations
holding up the night sky in unison
telling stories about you to the moon
I’m so scared, something I hate to admit to self or anyone. I pray constantly because that’s what mom says to do, every day, and every night. I’m not sure who’s listening, but, I pray anyway. Even with that, this pen, this paper, these tears, I’m still hurting, I’m still scared. I know as the saying goes “take one day at a time” or “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” , unfortunately my personality didn’t get that memo. All I think about is what a burden I am to everyone, the weird out of place one. Accomplished nothing in my life that I can say I’m proud of, except for my two amazing boys, now proudly in the Air Force. I’m forty three years old, stuck in a position I mostly put myself in. I am a lot to handle, a lot to deal with. In this I understand why people rather leave than stay. I suppose there becomes a point in a person’s unchanged behavior where unconditional love comes to it’s limits. I guess it’s not so unconditional, is it? Being a good person with a kind heart, doesn’t really matter when you act like an asshole. I’ve been an asshole. I’m still that little girl as an adult, lost, confused, and damaged goods. I believe some people love me, often those words just aren’t enough. I also know people don’t like me, often misunderstood as shallow, selfish and insane. Bordered on personalities of “I love you, please stay” and “I hate you, leave me alone.” To one’s human psyche that can be pretty confusing and draining, often leaving you lonely. I get on my own nerves so I could only imagine how I make others feel. I really hate breathing sometimes, it’s no longer nostalgic, living in a glass bowl. The only thing though about living in that glass bowl, everyone can see you. Why I am here is often a question I ask myself, why me, what the hell was his almighty plan, I pray again. I destroy hearts, family and friends, complaining in my loneliness, flags fly half staff. I feel like a fuck up, probably am, that’s what the reflection in the mirror quotes each morning, instead of telling me I’m the prettiest of them all. My smile has died, grinding teeth. I’m not sure who’s writing this today, my borderline or her personality.
© Chantelle Cherie Lily
if you can’t see it, is it even there ?
i try to find the words to describe what i am feeling, but they do not exist.
they are on the tip of my tongue, but they evaporate before i can spit them out
and i try to scream
but it dies in my throat
before i can make a sound.
i am being choked
but i see no hands around my neck
i am being drowned
but all i see is desert.
my suffering is nonsensical
and yet i suffer.
I’m a writer
Because I daydream. A lot! I got in trouble for it in first grade, and I still get in trouble for it now. I almost got myself fired from my last stint in the office before I retired.
Because I love to watch people. Sitting in the food court in the local mall or at the back corner table in the local coffee shop, is a treat. Watching families, watching shoppers, listening to snippets of conversations, and filing them all away to use when I need to bring life to a character.
Because I can't not write. Even if it's a short poem because nothing else comes to mind. I need to put words on paper to hear them flow together like a stream tumbling down a mountain cliff.
Because characters visit me in my dreams, telling me their story, and arguing about where they want to go with their lives.
Because those who read my work say I've never read anything like this before, and I know there's more for me to do.
Here I Go Again
Sunday has come around and there is no second chapter. The time differences can be confusing so we can give it another day. Unfortunately, if the second chapter isn't posted tomorrow then we will have to give it to someone else. I don't know what's going on but I do believe that Aora1 is probably absent. I haven't seen any of their post's and I have tried contacting them with nothing in response. That's all right though. We can figure this out. I still want to give them a chance, just in case. If not though, we will give it to someone else. Now, who are our understudies/backups?
Epics in Ink
As I’ve aged and my free time feels shorter and shorter, I’ve found I read comic books way more often than I did when I was younger, and spent all summer holed up with a stack from the library.
Comic books are no longer written primarily for children - gosh no. In fact there is a thriving subgenre of horror/adult graphic novels and series that are most definitely not P, G, or anywhere near 13.
I’ve seen many lists of what constitute “the” comics that all nerds should read, and honestly I hate most of the list. Not much difference between the lists I was told to read in English class, really; I suppose the mainstream has different tastes than I do.
If I had to draft my own picks, this would be the list - and for the record, your local library may carry these too, or at least you can find several titles using a Hoopla or a Libby app (also courtesy of your local library):
Rating: R for Really Fucked up at Times (graphic/disturbing nudity, profanity, etc.)
Why: It’s essentially Romeo and Juliet meets Star Wars - Day Care Edition, only lightyears away in a war between planets and told from the perspective of the poor child spawned by two horribly flawed people who somehow chose love over hate. Its alienscape provides the most human characters I’ve ever read. Plus there are ghost babysitters, magic mother-in-law’s, baby seals, and robots whose heads are literally televisions.
2) Batman: White Knight
Rating: PG-13 (typical gritty/dark Batman)
Why: This Batman tale asks, “What if Joker took his meds and actually got sane?” If you loved The Animated Series, this storyline takes that universe and then upends it like a Joker-flipped table, pitting Gotham’s new “White Knight” against a revenge-fueled, dangerous vigilante and the dark money that props up a cycle of suffering.
3) Red Sonja Vol. 2: The Art of Blood & Fire
Rating: R (nudity, profanity, violence, all the good stuff)
Why: Red Sonja is the original chainmail bikini warrior; she’s suffered a lot of flack for being both sexist and yet also kick-ass. Then Gail Simone - the founder of the “Women in Refrigerators” comic blog - reforged her into hands down one of the best comic book characters of all time. After her run Dynamite’s largely male readership complained about women taking over their fantasy fodder and the series devolved back to mediocrity - seriously, they coulda just kept the chainmail bikini covers, I can read Playboy for the articles yo LOL. This volume is my favorite and can be read standalone from Vol. 1 if you run out of time (both are still good though).
4) The Old Guard
Rating: R (violence, equal full frontal nudity but poor graphic renderings)
Why: If you’ve seen the Netflix movie this graphic novel series (3 volumes, 2 out so far) follows it pretty closely, since author Greg Rucka was involved in both efforts. A team of immortal warriors who fight silently over the centuries for justice welcome a new recruit, while being hunted by someone who’s caught on to their secret. It’s a great story, with a beautiful cast of characters including Joe & Nicky, two lovers who met on opposite sides of the Crusades.
Rating: R (just...yeah, everything possible and then food-related ick)
Why: This hilarious series set in an alternate universe where chicken is outlawed, and the FDA is militarized to hunt down underground poultry traders follows Detective Tony Chu, a cibopath (someone who gains psychic impressions from food) trying to investigate a mysterious string of murders following some wacky, unexplained alien activity. The entire series introduces a carnival ride of food-powered characters/villains, as well as the immortal POYO - a superpowered bionic chicken. ’Nuff said.
6) Paper Girls
Rating: Pure 80's snuff (high grade shit - not that fake crap now that kills ya)
Why: If you felt miserably disappointed by Wonder Woman 80's - because let's face it, we wanted Amazon power and we got crappy fanny packs and bad 80's trends - then THIS is the comic you SHOULD root for. It has the GOOD SHIT from the 80's -- the no nonsense, take-no-prisoners kinda stuff mixed with crazy Lisa Frank coloring that's mind blowing and the beautiful blend of scifi, time travel, and social commentary you may not totally get if you're a real 80's kid, but if you're one of those 90's kids who "fake" worshipped the 80's to get those older kids to like you? Yeah. You'll love this.
you can't decide
you want the
to be over
where the present
time melts away
and the feeling