precarious perch

upon wolf-y toothed

whistle

applause uproarious 

grin 

and bare it (all)

time waits

for no tart

exposure!

nine-hundred 

seconds to be

exact

before 

the bones

are spat out

Six days away & I'm sober

I'm older & colder

I left all my crying behind

Now, I'm fine

Released back to the world

I'm a brand new girl

A beautiful girl

I wish I could tell you, it hurts

It hurts

Dried up & pilled up, I'm cured

Lacking this innocence

I'm so impure

I'm so unsure if I'll ever be free

If I'll ever be me

Today I wrote a song in my own blood

I gave into my sins, it felt good

And I should ask for some help 

I am clawing myself

Clawing myself again

(2x)

Rain turns to snow & I'm falling

Calling your name

It's appalling, this game

Appalling this shame that I feel

Old wounds never heal

Lost in my dreams

I imagine a world that I'm absent from 

Absinthe & rum 

Glide down my throat

Sugarcoat

I've abandoned this boat

I open my eyes

I'm pulled back into this

Destruction & piss

No true love's kiss

But I won't give in

I won't give in

The sun turns to night & I'm up

I'm awake & I'm ready

But still so unsteady

I'm walking on stones

My own broken bones

Leave me alone

Leave me alone

Today I wrote a song in my own blood

I gave into my sins, it felt good

And I should ask for some help

I am clawing myself

Clawing myself again

(2x)

pause for the moment

pause for that whole 

blasted decade

in a froth of unearned 

vigor and frivolity

no one more 

bored 

or restless

while time contorts

and expands

an exhausting loop

no one more 

chagrined

or disillusioned

a simple instance--a snap!

and time constricts

life a confused halt

the bones 

are different now

hollow

too frail 

in this sudden

onslaught

the laughter

a rarity

my mouth 

strains to remember

how it curves

the mirror

insists

on lies, day 

by day by 

day.

have we reached

our culmination?

you determine 

the pace

and trajectory 

of our misery

The weight of the world closes in. Heavy against the humidity of the day. Chest pounds like an amphetamine rush. Baring down against the thud of a cracking skull. Inhale deeply to fight the anxious tremble and talk in circles about nothing and love. Hide the voices quiver beneath the warm acidic goodness of citrus and rum. Try to breath but it catches. Somewhere between the throat and the tears. Words fail when there is nothing but distance and time. Lean back against the chimney of the searing roof and look out over the cedar and pines. Smash your fists into the worn red bricks until the blood finds the surface and the tension is released.

Here I am nothing. No ones savior. No one's friend. Not a sister or a lover or a daughter. I am me. Drunk on anxiety and fear.