I’m fine
trauma is trapped inside emotion
that sits in the cage of my chest
poison ivy pain wraps around bars
that rattles in the storm
behind the sternum-ed wall
screams that haven’t escaped the prison
lay in iron beds hardened with frost
stopping the seep from chest to tongue
from tongue to lip, lip to air
air to echo to ears that hear
that judge, that shame, that watch
down the diaphragmatic depths
desolation punches the dam
stress coils and entwines with anxiety
its shrieks of mimicry – whispers of lies
the “I’m okay’s” the “I’m fine”
the need to turn yourself inside out
to release and shed the shame
the pain, the blame, the ache of emotional agony
the rage, the guilt, the fullness of everything
of emotion, of memory,
of moments you can feel but can’t quite remember
the trap you can’t free yourself from
being inside your body but feeling outside
being an observer, a nothing
outside, you’d never know
outside, you’d think nothing is wrong with me
inside I feel so full
inside I feel so empty
The Eyes
Eyes.
His gorgeous hazel eyes.
I fell in love with them,
Every time they looked at me,
even a glare,
I felt my heart light up.
Hazel.
The color of wood,
The wood planks on our new home.
Our new home.
Cold, Creaky, old home.
In the middle of the woods,
It was always dark and cold.
Cold.
The way he treated me.
The way he talked to me when I smiled at him.
Smile.
He only ever smiled once,
At our wedding.
I was so full of love,
I didnt notice how strangely happy he was,
saying he never was happy.
Happy.
I haven't been happy in years.
He says I can't be happy and pretty.
I have to pick,
a choice that decides if he loves me.
Choice.
The choices I made.
I chose to marry a cold-hearted man,
my mother warned me,
She told me I was wrong.
Wrong.
Something was wrong,
I knew from the moment he walked in,
Big bag over his shoulder,
smiling ear to ear.
Smiling.
He walked towards the basement stairs,
Smiling.
"Stay upstairs honey!"
He yelled as he walked downstairs.
Strange.
Strange.
The way he acted after he came upstairs.
He told me he loves me,
He kissed me.
He's only ever done that at our wedding.
The only time he smiled.
Smile.
He smiled the next day as he led me downstairs,
where he had gone straight to the night before.
He tells me he has a surprise.
Surprise.
I remember my first surprise gift from him.
It was a stuffed animal and chocolates.
A surprise to show his love.
I wonder if that's what this is,
a calm, loving surprise.
Calm.
I'm not calm,
My hands are sweaty,
my heart is racing.
I'm scared.
Fear.
What raced into my body within seconds,
Seconds of seeing what he had done.
Blood.
The basement was covered in blood.
Bloody parts,
Pieces of those I love.
Scream.
I scream.
His hazel eyes stare at me confused.
He tells me it's good,
i'll always have them to visit.
Punch.
I punch and kick and scream.
I hate this man,
and his big hazel eyes.
Hazel.
The color of bark.
Bark.
The bark on the tree,
the tree I buried his Hazel eyed corpse under.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////
-Katherine <3
Love’s Death
Choice of words
Choice so obscure
Obscure mind
Obscure line
Line of sight
Line the sky
Sky that fell
Sky of poems
Poems for you
Poems that bled
Bled from soul
Bled for time
Time and laughter
Time well-spent
Spent so freely
Spent with you
You now busy
You now gone
Gone from me
Gone for good
Good things end
Good things die
Die like stars
Die so dark
Dark with despair
Dark falls over
Over my love
Over my spell
Spell is broken
Spell went wrong
Wrong was financed
Wrong plus tax
Tax my patience
Tax my effort
Effort so earnest
Effort was wasted
Wasted rough drafts
Wasted tears
Tears that choke
Tears that stain
Stain the memory
Stain the sheets
Sheets can strangle
Sheets that cover
Cover with soil
Cover a grave
Grave of love
Grave that's haunted
Haunted
Love
The Last Time
The Last Time
The last time I heard her speak
She was sure of her words
"Tell my children I love them
You, my husband, already know"
The last time I saw her walk
She spun on her heel
Giving me a glimpse of what first attracted me
And what kept me under her spell
The last time we ate dinner
I gave her the night off
Her favorite was eggplant parmigiana
The fine wine, I chose, covered for my cooking errors
The last time we said good night
I dreamt of our future together
Awashed in laughter and love
Void of pain and sorrow
The last time I saw you
Before they closed the coffin
I recited our wedding vows
Knowing we would (someday) meet again
Forget Me Not
Hello Dear Prosers. I've returned back after a long hiatus and have some exciting news. One of my works has been selected for the Kalaage magaize. Do have a look at the submission and leave your feedback.
https://www.kalaage.net/work/forget-me-not
Check out https://www.kalaage.net/ for other great submissions as well.