This is a memory

I don't like to visit often

I was only 14

When I lost my innocence

But the story doesn't start there

It doesn't start that day

Or even with that boy

It starts when I was real little

Not knowing much about the world

Not yet knowing it's cruelty

Or it's people

The perves and creepes

The disgusting hands

That liked to touch me

I didn't know it was wrong

I didn't know to say "Stop"

I didn't like it

But I thought it was normal

Doesn't that thought make you sick?

All those boys who touched me

Telling me it was okay

I can't believe I couldn't see

All I could do was pray

I was abused

Physically, sexually, mentally, emotionally

No wonder I'm so used to getting used

Then I met this boy

He was nothing special

I swear

He just wanted what they all do

And he knew I was vulnerable

So one night

At 3 a.m

We did it

Unprotected

I was scared I might be pregnant

And when he heard this

He left me

My parents were pissed

But I  was alone

Cuz I got myself into this

The tests all came back

Negative

Which is good

Because I couldn't live

With his kid

Two months later

I met a boy

We fell in love

I was just a used toy

But he didn't care

Until he left me

Now I'm alone

Again

But who needs a heart or home

When you have a pen

I am about to sleep, a very deep sleep

when I wake up

I see myself as an apprentice to Leonardo da Vinci.

He refuses to paint Mona Lisa's lips,

because of the way she keeps staring at me

To wake, and see myself 

eating stone cold strawberry flavor ice cream

on top of the sun.

To wake, and see 

how confused Edmund Hillary will be

when he arrives at the top of mountain Everest

and sees me napping on top.

To wake, and see myself

having breakfast, with the queen of England  

To wake and see

I and Nelson Mandela, playing chess in prison

To wake, and see

The wright brothers, using me as a test pilot

To wake, and see myself

throwing apples on Isaac Newtons head

To wake, and see

Archimedes balls, as he runs on the street

shouting, "Eureka"

I want to pull off my pants, run on the street

and shout out loud, 

"this land is forsaken, oh! it's forsaken."

To wake, and see

The shock onWilliam Shakespeare's face, I caught him in my office stealing my scripts. What!

To wake, and witness the first lunch of a space shuttle

To wake, and see myself

teaching Albert Einstein definite integral

To wake, and witness the birth ceremony of Aristotle

To wake, and see

I and Nikola Tesla

rubbing minds, in the library.

To wake, and see myself

holding the coat of Benjamin Franklin

while he addresses the high and mighty of Boston

To wake, and see myself

giving Luther King Junior today's paper

saying, "Barrack Obama as been the president of the United states of America

for the past eight years

To wake, and proof 

the possibility of all impossibilities

I really need to wake up from this sleep

so all these things can happen

Someone please, wake me up.

I'm not in love with you.

But... 

I care about you. I really like you, actually.

I think about you a lot. I often wonder where you are, what you're doing. You haunt my dreams.

I want you to be happy. When you get lost in your thoughts, you look so sad.

I'm not telling you this because I expect you to feel the same. I just didn't want to regret never saying anything before I left.

I think you're amazing. I think you're a better person than you think you are.

I think your music is something special, and I think you're special too. You have a talent... Don't give up on it.

I don't think you're a loser.

If you were, it would be so much easier to say goodbye.

I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss every moment of teasing each other, our secret smiles and glances across the room... My birthday. 

You stayed out all night with me even though you had to get up early the next morning.

I'll never forget how you used to call me Princess.

We'll hope for December and watch the same moon in the sky... And dream of what could have been.

The rest of them keep it at a two step, and the really classy ones are brave enough to branch out to maybe a simple waltz. 

But not me. I don't dance to those songs.

Outside of the dance floor, I'm the biggest dork to them. 

But once my music comes on, the lights sweep the room and goosebumps slither up my spine, I find my rhythm.

I love it when that happens.

I can dance.

And they can't stop me.