Day 1 - Our lifeboat ran aground on some tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Water as far as the eye can see. Since I didn't have time to pack my bags before our ship sank, I'm stuck with the same clothes for like forever. That's going to really suck. I'm not alone though. There was one other person on the lifeboat with me. I thought we got along pretty well but it turns out my 'freind' doesn't even like me. I hate it when that happens because she's really nice to look at. We got into an argument about something and she said she would rather take her chances with the sharks than stay here with me. Some kind of self preservation thing must have kicked in though because she didn't do it.

Day 2 - My plans for my personal island resort has hit a huge snag. It turns out I can't find anything sharp to cut with. Where is the Fed Ex package that washes up on shore conviently holding an ice skate when you need it? My 'friend' is complaining that I have no survival skills. My 'friend' also has no survival skills but when I metion it she says that we're talking about me at the moment and not her and my attempts to change the subject will not be effective.

Day 3 - I'm starting to get really hungry now. Anyone considering going on the hunger fast diet I would beg you to reconsider. There are small animals that might make a good snack running around but I have had no luck in capturing one. I think it has to do with the fact that I don't have anything sharp to stab them with. The good news is that there is nothing large running around that might want to eat me for a snack. We did find some berries to eat. I was going to pop one into my mouth when my 'friend' pointed out that they could be poisonous. She had a point so I suggested that she eat one first, just to make sure. If that icy stare she gave me was real ice I would have been frozen solid. I was only kidding but I guess some people can't take a joke.

Day 4 - My clothes are really starting to smell now. When you can smell yourself, you know you really stink. Since we are probably going to be here a long time, I've been trying to get along with my 'friend' but she has been keeping her distance. I was thinking a nice hot shower would be good but all we have is an icy pond. I refuse to go into it though because you never know what is lurking just below the surface.

Day 5 - I forgot to mention that there is an active volcano on the island. At least I think it's active. It makes funny noises all the time but so far it hasn't blown it's top. There is a flowing stream where we are getting all of our drinking water from. So far we haven't had any ill effects from it. We just try not to think that some animal might be using it for a toilet.

Day 6 - I think my 'freind' might be realizing that she doesn't want to go stark raving mad and that she will have to accept that I'm the only other person alive that she can talk to. So she has started talking my ear off. It was pretty cool at first, but I think my brain is overloaded now. btw. I ate the berries anyway and I guess I just lucked out because I haven't fallen over dead yet.

Day 7 - I still haven't gotten a word in edgewise with my 'freind'. I'm starting to think that maybe we arn't compatable. She's still nice to look at though and at least that's something. I would hate to be stuck on an island with someone you couldn't stand to look at, but I suppose you would get use to it over time.

Day 8 - A ship passed by us today. I had no way to signal them to rescue us so I just sat on the beach and watched my old life flash before my eyes. My 'freind' started shouting at the top of her lungs and waving her arms frantically. She was saying something about not being able to stand another day on this island with me but I can't say for sure that's what she said because I had stopped paying much attention to her at that point. It must have worked though because the ship stopped and rescued us. That had to be the worst week of my entire life.

I sat down at the table for two. My heart was racing and my palms were sweating. I sat with my back as straight as I could. My breathing was uneven. Across the table from me sat a beautiful woman. At least I thought she was beautiful. She seemed calm and her eyes penetrated deep into my soul. I didn’t know how that was possible and it kept me off balance. I felt uneasy. I had been waiting to speak with her for a long time but now that she was here, I could hardly bare to look at her. I had questions but I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to know the answers.

She just looked at me. It was like she was studying me. At first her face was like stone but after a few minutes it softened. Then tears started rolling down her face. She was still silent though.

I finally asked the question. “Why did you give me up?” I tried to keep my voice even but I was not successful.

She waited a few minutes before she answered me. “The simple answer is that I was young and stupid.” she replied, “Everybody wanted me to terminate the pregancy” she continued, “but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

I didn’t know how to react to this statement. The woman who gave birth to me was telling me that eveybody wanted her to murder me, but she didn’t do it. She had the legal right to decide if I lived or died and she let me live.

she continued speaking. “Once you were born, I couldn’t take care of you. So I gave you to somebody who could. I think about you everyday of my life and sometimes I wish things were different. But once we make our choices we have to live with them.” She stopped talking and waited to see what my reaction would be.

When I learned that I was adopted. I wanted to find out who my birth mother was. I had thought about what I would say to her a thousand times but now that the moment was here, I didn’t know what to say. A lot of emotions were running through my body and it was hard to settle on a response. I finaly said simply, “Thank you”. My voice was soft and low and I wasn’t sure that she heard me.

I could have been harsh with her. I had thought about it but when those eyes pentrated my soul all my resentmet left me. I couldn’t imagine what this woman had to go through to make sure I survived. Emotion overwhelmed me. I got up from my chair and walked over to where she was sitting. I got on my knees and put my arms around her waist. I then put my head in her lap and started crying. I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

She stroked my hair with one of her hands and I asked her my other question.

“Please don’t leave me.” I pleaded.

“I won’t” she replied.

I think and therefore I am. I am aware of myself and therefore I am. I feel deeply and therefore I am. But what am I? I am an Intricate Machine. I am not made with wires. I am not made with metal or plastic. I was not designed in a lab somewhere but I am still a machine. I have inputs that tell me about the world around me. I have eyes to see what is around me and where I am going. I have ears to listen to vibrations that travel through the air. I have hands with the ability to feel and distinguish if something is smooth or rough. I can put something in my mouth and determine whether is it sweet or bitter. These inputs travel to my brain. My brain is the central processing system of my body. My brain takes these inputs and performs calculations on them. Based on parameters inside my brain, my brain decides what actions to take based on the results of the calculations. I have outputs to affect the world around me. I have feet that can move me from one place to another. I have hands that allow me grab things and manipulate them. I have a voice and allows me to send sound waves through the air. This is the process of any machine, the recieve inputs, process those inputs, and then output something. I can only produce outputs that are the results of the calculations my brain makes. There are parameters currently set in my brain. Can those parameters change? Absolutely. The things that my input sensors deliver to my central processing center can change the parameters. There are also triggers that are internally built in that can change them. I think I have a will. I think my will is free but the truth is that I can only do things based on the inputs and parameters that are currently set in my brain.

“You want to see a magic card trick?” I tell my friend. I only know one card trick and I don’t get to demonstrate it very often because I’ve shown it to just about everybody I know already.

“Sure. Ok” my friend responds half hearted. I can tell he doesn’t really want to see it because he has a look on his face that says ‘Let’s just get this over with.’

I take out a deck of cards and hold them like a fan.

“Select one card, any card.” I tell him. He reaches for a card and picks one out.

“Ok, now put the card back anywhere you like in the deck.” He now places the card back in the deck. I close the ‘fan’ of cards without shuffling so that they resemble a pile and place the deck on the table.

“Ok, now I’m going to make your card float to the top of the deck.” I tell him, “Just tap on the top of the deck three times and your card will float to the top.” He gives me this look like this is the lamest card trick he has ever had to participate in but he taps the top of the deck three times anyway.

“Okay, turn over the top card.” I tell him confidently.

He turns the card over and is astonished to see that it is actually the card he choose. “No way! How did you do that!?” He exclamed.

“Sorry. Even a lame magician like myself never reveals his secrets.” I told him.

A baby cries. I pick him up and hold him in my arms. He nestles his head into my chest and falls asleep. I give him a kiss on his forehead. I enjoyy this moment. Even though there will be other moments like this, soon he will take his first steps and these moments will vanish forever.

Now he is a toddler. He toddles around the house very satisfied with himself. He doesn't need me to get from one place to another anymore. He wants to learn things and do things. We play skill building games together. He chases the cat who conviently perches above his reach. The whole world is a wonder to him and he allows me to see it through his eyes but he is growing and these moments will vanish forever.

He is now attending school. He likes to watch power rangers on TV and play hide and go seek. He always wants me to be it when we play tag and I chase him around the room, almost catching him but not quite. He gigles as he thinks he can actually run faster than I can while I dramatically lament not being able to tag him. I enjoy each moment because he is still growing and these moments will vanish forever.

He just entered middle school. He is really self concious. He gets embarassed easily and doesn't want to talk about stuff. I try to explain about how to talk to girls like I'm an expert even though I'm not. But still I did manage to get married and have a child so I must have done something ok. We do watch football together on TV. We go bowling and hiking and other 'guy' stuff. It's actually pretty cool. Even though he can be agrivating, I try and enjoy these moments because they will vanish forever.

He's in high school now. He has a job and a girl friend. I don't see him much these days. I have to make more of an effort to connect with him because he has a schedule now. He has responsibilities. If I don't make the effort I would never see him. But the meetings we do schedule we talk about life and jobs and sometimes even girls. I think about how grown up he's become. He's not there yet but I can see glimpses of it. I try and enjoy these moments because they will vanish forever.

Now he's off to college. The baby I once held in my arms is all grown up. I only see him now on holiday's. I remember all the moments I had with him growing up and I wish I could have them back but they have vanished forever.

I was walking down the street. Shops lined each side of the road. I had nothing to do so I took my time. I looked at each shop and casually watched the people pass me by who were tied to some kind of schedule. It was nice to just relax and take the time to notice the little details that I wouldn't have time for if I had a purpose but my purpose for the day was to just enjoy myself. Having company would have been nice but everybody is busy and in a hurry and I really had the feeling that life was passing me by.

I was walking along and I passed this dark alley. As I passed I thought I heard somebody calling to me. I looked around and didn't see anyone. As I was just about to continue my journey to nowhere, I heard the voice again. As I turned to look, a guy in a trenchcoat appeared out of the alley. "Hey, you" The guy said in my direction. I looked around to see if he might be talking to somebody else, but there wasn't anyone else around.

"Are you talking to me?" I asked. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, not by a long shot.

"You think I'm talking to the fire hydrant, of course I'm talking to you" He said sarcastically as if I was some type of moron. "Come here. I've got some business I want to discuss with you."

Following a guy with a trenchcoat into a dark alley didn't seem like a prudent thing to do, but curiosity got the better of me and I followed him anyway.

"I've got this magic bean I want to sell you." The guy says.

"Seriously, a magic bean?" I ask.

"I got to rid of it so I'm going to make you a deal you can't refuse." He said. He talked like that guy in the Godfather movie and it was kind of creepy.

"What does it do?" I inquired. If I'm going to get stuck with a magic bean, it better do something pretty incredible.

"Well, you just plant it in the ground, water it and it grows." He answered.

"You mean like every other non magic bean." I was starting to get snarky with him and it was clear he didn't appreciate it.

"Look kid, let's cut to the chase, how much money you got?" He asked. I got a lump in my throat. I pulled out my wallet to see what kind of shape my financies were currently in. I had a dollar.

"I've just got a buck" I said. He grabbed my wallet from me. I guess he wasn't the kind of guy who takes your word for it.

"I just wanted to be sure you weren't holding out on me." He said finally as an explanation for his behavior. He takes my dollar and throws my wallet back at me. "Because I like you kid, I'm going to sell you this magic bean for a dollar. Just plant it in the ground and water it and something magical will happen." He hands me the bean.

"Where am I suppose to plant this bean?" I asked.

"Hey, that's your problem." He said as he disappeared into the darkness.

I slip the bean into my pocket. I was saving that dollar to get a large drink at McDonald's but I guess I'm going to just have to deal with being thirsty.

I return to the street and continue my journey. After a little while I come upon this guy who seems really out of sorts. He's sitting on a bench in front of this resale shop.

"Yo dude" I said, "What are you all boo-booey for?" This guy looked kind of old but then pretty much everybody over thirty looks old to me. He looked like a bum who was down on his luck. It looked like he hadn't shaved or washed his hair for quite a while. I felt sorry for him.

"I'm in an awful predicament." He lamented "I found this perfect vase in this resale shop for my dying mother and I don't have any money to make the purchase. I caused quite a ruckus that the owner threw me out. He had no pity for me at all." The guy was being super dramatic. Maybe at one time he was an actor or something.

"Dude, why didn't you just use a credit card?" I asked.

"I tried that but the shop doesn't accept credit cards." He explained.

"Who doesn't accept credit cards?" I wondered out loud.

"I know." the old guy agreed. "You must go and buy it for me." He said more cheerfully.

"Dude, I just gave my last dollar to some guy in the alley." I explained.

"Then you must steal it for me." He said, not giving up.

"Dude, You want me to lift it for you?" I asked horrifically.

"Yes. It was my dying mother's last request, to buy her this specific vase in this specific resale shop."

"Sounds like your mom is super picky" I offered.

"Nevermind that, get in there and steal me that vase." After saying this the old guy practically pushed me into the resale shop.

As I entered the resale shop, I looked for the specific vase the old guy wanted. It took me a while to find it because the place was a mess. I guess the owner thought that cleaning was just a suggestion you could do only if you felt like it and the owner didn't feel like it. Once I found the vase, I went up to the register. The guy behind the register wanted Ten dollars for the vase. I told him all I had was a magic bean and I asked him if he would trade me the lamp for the bean. The guy thought about it for a long time.

I said "Dude, what's there to think about, do you want to trade me or not?" I was getting kind of impatient with the guy but he just stood there. Finally he agreed to do it and I walked out of there with this old dirty vase.

Once I stepped outside, the old guy grabbed the vase like it was pure gold or heroin, I couldn't tell which because he had this wild look in his eyes and started running down the street saying something about it finally being mine. I was starting to think that his whole story about his mother dying might not actually be true. Now I was not only out a whole dollar I was also out a magic bean and a lamp. The day was starting to really suck.

I watched the old guy run down the street because it was actually pretty hilarious. The guy probably hadn't tried to run for years and he started running out of gas pretty quickly. He stood there weezing with his hands on his knees. I causally walked over to him and asked him if he needed any help. He selfishly guarded his junky looking vase. I told him to relax. After another minute the guy fell to the ground and I thought he had a heart attack. I took the vase which was rightly mine anyway and I called 911. I stayed

with the old guy until the ambulance arrived and took him to the hospital. With the old guy out of my life, the shifty looking trenchcoat alley guy lost in the darkness somewhere

and me being a dollar short, I took my dirty old vase and headed back home.

Once I got home, my mom asked me if anything interesting happen to me. I gave her the standard response which indicated my life was boring and headed to my room. Once in my room I examined the vase carefully. There had to be something about this vase that the old guy was willing to risk me going to jail for. Of course the old guy could just have been crazy, which I think would be a more reasonable explanation, but still I wondered why he wanted this vase so badly. I placed the vase on my already crowded desk. I just put stuff on my desk because I'm too lazy to put it where it should go and now my desk has too much stuff on it. My mom used to get mad at me and tell me to clean up in my room. Now she just makes sure my door is closed so she doesn't have to look at it.

After awhile I forgot about the vase and in the course of doing 'stuff' I accidentally knock the vase off my desk. It falls to the floor and breaks into three pieces. Some smoke appears when the vase breaks and a genie appears in my room. The genie looks at the vase and then looks at me.

"What did you do that for?" he asks, "You just broke my house!" He seemed a bit cranky.

"I didn't know it was your house besides your a genie, just use your magic and fix it." I shot back.

"I can't do that!" he said. "You can never live in a vase after it's been broken. Everybody knows that. I would never be able to resell it and after all the upgrades" He seemed pretty frantic at this point.

"Dude get a grip on yourself" I said unsympathetically, "You sound just like a girl and besides I thought genie's were suppose to live in old lamps anyway." I added.

"People don't try to light vases" he shot back.

"Point taken." I respond.

"Now look, I can fix one problem and one problem only." He stated. For a genie with magical powers he sure did seem jittery for some reason. He was really killing the mood.

"What about granting wishes?" I asked.

"People just waste wishes, There always selfish and they want wealth and love and house on the beach or their own private island. It's disgusts me so I don't do it anymore." He explained.

"You sure are cranky." I observed.

"Well how would you feel if you're always the one giving wishes, where are my wishes, when do I get to have my wishes granted." I started to regret my snarky comment because he started monologuing. If I wanted a lecture I would just ask my parents to explain something. He continued ...

"Nobody every says thank you or please. They never think about my feelings. It's always about them and what they want."

"Are you done yet?" I asked impatiently.

"I'm just getting started." He shot back "You live for thousands of years granting wishes to ungrateful slobs and see if you don't get an attitude." I thought about it for a moment and he did have a valid point.

"Okay, solve the problem of world hunger" I commanded.

"Sorry, can't do that." He replied.

"How about averting natural disasters"

"Nope" He said.

"Okay, what about making that hot girl in my geometry class fall in love with me?" I said finally.

"That's not a problem, that's a fantasy and it's never going to happen by the way."

"Well it was worth a shot" I said pathetically.

"Okay, how about fixing old Mrs. Miller's leaking faucet?"

"You could solve any problem in the world and you want me to do that?" The genie said disgutingly.

This guy was beginning to be a major joykill. He shot down every idea I had.

"Look" I said, "It seems to me that maybe I don't know what the word 'problem' means. Could you explain what you mean by that?" I was starting to get a bit frustrated.

"well duhh," the genie responded, "a problem is something wrong that need to be made right."

"That's not helpful" I said, "Maybe I could sleep on it and get back to you in the morning."

"And what am I suppose to do until then?" The genie asked, "You broke my house."

"I don't know" I shot back, "Your a genie, go to the Bahama's for a few hours or something, live a little, have some fun."

"fun?" the genie repeated

"Yeah, you've lived for thousands of years and you have never had any fun?" I asked again.

"No, I've never had any fun." The genie replied. His voice was kind of sad as if it never had occured to him that he could have fun until this very moment.

"Well, I think that's a problem" I said, "and I am going to fix it"

"You are?" the genie said.

"Yep, ever been to the Bahama's?" I asked.

The story is simple

The art is absurd

the subject is something

I’ve never have heard

I would never think

to eat lunch in a box

and there’s no way I’m sharing

my lunch with a fox

It doesn’t make sense

To eat lunch in the rain

Although I’d be cool

to eat lunch on a train

And why would a train track

just suddenly stop

with everyone hitting

the sea with a plop

The boat is now sinking

but nobody cares

because of the question

that hangs in the air

DO YOU LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM?

if not then you’ll be pestered

by that Sam-I-Am