Funeral of Your Dreams: https://www.theprose.com/post/771747/dying-times

Funeral Package: Fine, Wine

Ahhh… yes. I’ve got a funeral package for exactly that! The “Fine, Wine” service is for those who don’t want a big fuss and wish to go out on their own terms. Like wine aged to perfection, you wait until the most opportune time to sacrifice yourself.

Now, be aware that this will be no Jonestown. Here at The END, we don’t allow people to suffer. My Medical END Team will ensure a painless death. After you’ve said goodbye to your family, including your pets (because they are family here), all will raise a glass of a wine of your choosing as you give your Ta-Ta Toast. You will drink down the life-ending medication placed directly into your mouth by my personal and anonymous doctor, Dr. Death. She helps my customers to “Die With Pride”. If you are not a terminal patient, we will require you to take a psych evaluation to make sure you are making this decision of sound mind. We do not discriminate and support those who wish to take control of their death, all while trying to help you stay alive if you wish to do so. Here at The END, we only want to celebrate life and help all make their transition into death a happy occasion.

But, if it’s no matter to you, why not give of yourself to the brilliant scientists who will save the lives of tomorrow! This will require an “accidental” death, however, because suicides are not eligible for Full Body Donation. And if being on display isn’t for you, I have the “natural” option, which is very private. Once Dr. Death has pronounced you dead, we will place you directly into the earth, naked as the day you were born, in my secret, not-so-legal cemetery. This way, your decomposing body will contribute to the natural cycle of life.

No headstone is necessary, but if you wish to have one, our MEMENTO MORI stone would work nicely for you. There will be no name, only a number at the back of the stone which allows us to mark the location in which you’re buried. Only your most trusted persons will have access to this site, your unique number, and all will be required to sign an NDA to protect everyone involved.

Your family can come visit you anytime, gaze upon your secret tombstone, and remember that we ALL must die. But you, Pietroschek, chose to die like the finest of wine: with patience, purpose, and full of feel-good substance.

Thank you for choosing The END!

Love,

E <3

Created from my Welcome to The END Challenge: https://www.theprose.com/challenge/14302

ATTENTION: the fictional “Die With Pride” part of my story above is based off a real practice called “Death With Dignity”. It is only legal in certain states and is NOT for those who are suicidal. This is a medical option for those who are terminal and suffering horrible deaths. Please, if anyone reading this is thinking of suicide, PLEASE reach out for help by dialing or texting 988. You have a story to be heard, and you matter.

Funeral of Your Dreams: https://www.theprose.com/post/771882

Funeral Package: It’s My Death and I’ll Burn If I Want To

Icarus, darling… I have the perfect service, just for YOU! The “It’s My Death and I’ll Burn If I Want To” package has everything you want and more! Your Last Will and Testament will lay out every detail.

Incineration is a very noble choice. The Vikings and many cultures throughout history have used this technique to honor their dead. I see you’ve come to a pretty solid decision on this, but let me know if you want to discuss returning to the earth in more detail. It should be noted that we will abide by all legal requirements *cough*. However, here at The END, we can have “special arrangements” made if you’d like a “natural” burial *wink*. Fungi need to eat, too! Ahem—moving on.

We’ll make it crystal clear that you shall NOT be put in some dress for your service or cremation. We will concoct the snazziest suit, just for you (based on your Attire Questionnaire or personalized one-on-one collaboration with Diego, my costume designer).

With all of our packages, my Death Dealers Security Team will ensure no shenanigans can ensue (such as forcing children to smile or any unwanted religious activity). However, should your parents show up with their noses in the Bible, I can personally greet them myself. I am here to carry out your wishes and take care of your family. As a Death Grandmaster Level 1000 (or Grandmaster Death for short), I am versed in many religious and cultural practices. With your permission, I’d like to give your folks a gentle reminder to reiterate your cremation decision:

“By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” Genesis 3:19

Now, what Christian (or human being) can argue with that? We will all return to the stardust from whence we came.

With dedicated connections in 27 countries around the world, we can have your siblings or appointed Ferrymen taken to one of the highest peaks of this earth for a final and private ceremony. Please make sure to fill out your Final Words Questionnaire to ensure they speak of the lovely IcarusLaughed, exactly as you wish, before releasing your ashes to rejoin the stars.

Fly, Icarus. Float away like the bird you are. Fly right into that sun. The world is yours…

Because it’s your death, and you can burn baby burn if you want to.

Thank you for choosing the END!

Love,

E <3

Created from my Welcome to The END Challenge: https://www.theprose.com/challenge/14302

Funeral of Your Dreams: https://www.theprose.com/post/771964/zinnias

Funeral Package: Enigma Special

Ahh, yes. I’ve got just the funeral for you! The “Enigma Special” package is a service based on my own, and like all our services, still customizable! Personally, I am set for Full Body Donation, which means I won’t have a “body funeral.” I will already be in transport to the State University in which my remains are promised (after any viable tissue is harvested, of course). Let me know if you’re interested in giving yourself to science and the brilliant minds of today who will save the lives of tomorrow. I can walk you through the application and ensure your best chances of being accepted.

If you wish to “keep” your body, I can simply arrange for one of my gorgeous dancers to pop out of an all black “dummy coffin” at the perfect time. But to really boost your scare vision, we can even have synthetic body parts fall from the ceiling to drop onto the laps of those you didn’t like (a seating arrangement will be sent out with the dress code). With no corpse in the coffin, I’d really love to make the people who were mean to you in this life believe they’ve just been rained on by your chopped up body. We’ll make sure to warn the people you love, of course.

Once the meanies have left screaming, we will wheel out your real coffin and perfectly decorated corpse. My Makeup Technician, Lily, will use your naturally dead glow and only add to your eye area. She will shade your eyes to filth with black paint and shadows to create that desired darkness. I’m seeing bleeding black eyes as a final touch. To accomplish this, we will make sure to leave your eyes open during both the preparation process and the funeral itself. This will dry them out for Tache Noire to take effect.

Now, I have a coffin and headstone picked out personally, just for you. Your coffin will be one from our gorgeous African Blackwood Collection. Expensive, I know, but you deserve only the best! African Blackwood is of the densest woods in the world and will shine with the all natural boning you desire (as we use only real bone here at The END!). We could even ask my Welder, One-Eyed-Willy, to make colorful metal Zinnias to garnish the sides. Forever engulfed in your so desired flowers.

The tombstone I have in mind is a slab of black marble with gorgeous gray veining. My Head Carver, Damien, can incorporate the natural veins into the text of your choice to make it look extra spooky for curious children and cemetery goers to ogle over.

Lastly, as this is the most important part of this masterpiece, your funeral will be filled, floor to ceiling, with Zinnias of all colors. When people walk in, the overwhelming beauty will literally take them aback. It will feel as though they’ve walked into a secret garden, too beautiful for the rest of the world to see. Because you, Raven, are a precious secret in which only the deserving may bear witness.

Thank you for choosing The END!

Love,

E <3

Created from my Welcome to The END Challenge: https://www.theprose.com/challenge/14302

Funeral of Your Dreams: https://www.theprose.com/post/772026/the-twain-funeral-for-me-please-lil-bit

Funeral Package: The Classic

My dear, Huck. The “Twain” funeral is quite grand, but you, sir, are too unique for a premade package. Let’s use The Twain as a starting point and create something extra special, just for you, shall we?

The Twain comes with a real movie based on your life. My Master Filmmaker, Stanley, will use real home movies and photos of your life mixed with his own genius vision to create an unforgettable full length feature for your attendees. Mind you, this is no slideshow set to a sad Sarah McLachlan song. Oh no… this is a film that will be nominated for an Oscar because of its legendary story and unique style. And who could deny throwing even more wins at our beloved Huck? No one—that’s who. Huck isn’t just some big fish in a small pond. No, sir! The winningest writer I’ve ever seen on Prose is a big fish in the big ocean. Mr. Hoo is man of such caliber that he inspires masterworks from artists all over the world. The film of your life, premiering at your funeral, will be no different.

Your film will combine all of your greatest literary works with the sounds of the Carpenters, Waylon Jennings, and more into a story that will leave everyone in tears from both heartbreak and laughter. The end of the film will focus on that one that got away, all those years ago: the prettiest girl in school, Meg Bell.

“Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” by Frankie Valli will play as the audience sees boy Huck pining over his first love. They are all taken back to a time when they had their own puppy love. As the crowd is focused on the final scene of the movie (a tracking-shot of the time you walked all the way to school just to break the windows), no one will even notice the 12 year old boy who has casually strolled into the large theater behind them.

The boy actor on screen delivers a heart wrenching performance of a young man so desperate to be noticed by the one girl he wants most, set to the song “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” by The Righteous Brothers. Just as Huck is about to throw that 8th rock into the school window, he falls to his knees, crying and screaming at the world as the song hits its climax…

“Baby (baby)

Baby! (Baby!)

I beg you please!

(Please!)

Please!

(Please!)

I need your love (need your love!)

I need your love (I need your love!)

So bring it on back (so bring it on back!)

Bring it on back (bring it on back)…”

On screen, we see the back of little Huck as he slowly stands, the song fades to echoing silence as he turns around to face the camera (breaking the fourth wall). Tears are streaming down his face, and with all his anger and might, he throws that last rock right it at the audience! It breaks through the screen and soars over the heads of every friend, family member, and fan… right into the hand of this mystery 12 year old little boy in the theater! The actor on screen resembles Huck, but this young man… oh my… he is Huck!

The whole audience gasps in horror and astonishment as the real 12 year old Huck smiles, cueing “Come And Get Your Love”. Young Huck tosses the rock over his shoulder and it disappears into thin air. He begins to make his way down the aisle as the funky sounds of Redbone make him start dancing, young and free as he is! This is no mirrored illusion of Michael Jackson taking the stage after his death—no, sir! This is Huckleberry Hoo himself in Living Light, the award winning holographic technology created by my team of Light of Life scientists. It uses billions of pixels per squire inch, thousands of mini ultrasound speakers that produce the sound waves to suspend tiny particles that move faster than the human eye can see. Finally, a real 3D hologram made of “solid light,” all for the legendary Huckleberry Hoo!

Perfectly proportioned from any angle, your Living Light Body not only looks like the real you, it can speak and respond, just as you would! And as you make your way up to people of choice, they will shriek when they feel you touching them! Then, as if you’re spreading a virus that’s good for the soul, you pull people to their feet to start dancing with you. No one can help themselves as they, too, start snapping their fingers and swaying their hips!

The music of all your favorite artists will fill the massive theater. Sam Cooke, Elvis, Lynyrd Skynyrd—all in attendance for your party! Hundreds of people will dance their hearts out to the soundtrack of your life. With overwhelming joy, the whole theater will be in tears as they watch you slowly age, having the time of your life. Then, as one final song plays, we will watch you climb into a fine oak coffin, giving your best Miss America wave, and disappear as you close your own casket. A cherished moment to remember you for the goober we all loved. Our collective energy of this magical moment will send you off to the likes of “Soul Heaven” to join the rest of the legends. This will really be the Funeral of your Dreams, Huck!

I know, I know… a little more extravagant than the basic “Twain” package, but could you blame me? And you better believe that I’m going to attend, personally. Like a kid waiting for their favorite band’s album to drop, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Because you, Huckleberry Hoo, are Classic: a solid gold record to be treasured throughout time…

And never, ever forgotten.

Thank you for choosing The END!

Love,

E <3

Created from my Welcome to The END Challenge: https://www.theprose.com/challenge/14302

Funeral of Your Dreams: https://www.theprose.com/post/772418/my-last-dance

Funeral Package: Baby, You’re A Waterwork

Dear, dear Pam. What beautiful death plans you have! The “Baby, You’re A Waterwork” service will take your vision to new heights (and depths)! Let me walk you through the process.

First and foremost, I must insist on Aquamation. I can clearly see the connection you have to water, so what could be better than “water cremation?” In order to be placed in and of the earth, your ashes need to be “clean” to ensure no harm will come to nature. Aquamation also leaves about 30% more of you behind to ensure there will be enough of you to go around the world!

Your natural, unembalmed body will be placed onto a perforated, stainless steel containment tray inside of an airtight, pressurized chamber where it will go through Alkaline Hydrolysis. A mixture of potassium hydroxide and water heated to over 300 degrees Fahrenheit will be gently circulated through your body for roughly 18 hours to breakdown all organic material. What’s left are your gorgeous, pure white bones which will be crushed into powder (ash).

No trace of organic human material will remain as Aquamation washes away any and all disease, DNA, and RNA. The nutrient rich liquid from your flesh will then be sent to my Enigmatic Blooms charity where you can anonymously fertilize the flowers of the funerals of tomorrow. I use these flowers for low income families struck by tragedy so they can still have flower arrangements at their loved one’s funeral. Furthermore, Alkaline Hydrolysis creates zero smoke and uses a mere fraction of the energy (compared to cremation). You will be giving back to this earth you so wish you meld with in The END!

Now, once we have all that beautiful ash from your clean bones, your loved ones will gather at dusk by the lake for your funeral service. The bonfire, music, and refreshments will be plentiful so your friends and family can celebrate all night long. Then, everyone will walk down to the lake to set off the pre-filled fireworks, full of your extra fine, triple milled ash. And won’t everyone be surprised when they see and explosion of color when the ash bombs go off! That’s right! We will color your ash in a nontoxic dye for this one special moment! With a song of your choice, colorful Pam dust and shimmering Pam sparkles will slowly rain down onto the lake. People will hug and hold hands as they behold the gorgeous sight!

Lastly, we will assist your appointed Ferrymen to deliver the rest of your Aquamains to every location you’ve listed. We’ll encapsulate your remains in a plaque at the library before sending them off to be scattered in the brook behind your home and the Grand Canyon. Lastly, and most iconically, the Celtic Sea…

Dance on the water. Dance until the sea wraps you in her arms and pulls you into her depths. Sink down, down, down until she lures you into her secret resting place. No longer lost, Atlantis welcomes you...

Because you, darling Pam, are a living work of water, returning home.

Thank you for choosing The END!

Love,

E <3

Created from my Welcome to The END Challenge: https://www.theprose.com/challenge/14302