It was about 5 months ago when Star started her new job at a part- time retailer , Henry's. She didn't really pay that much attention to those around her, but she was there to do her job. One day, though he caught her eye. Brien had black hair, at first it was different , but then he changed it one day and she just absolutely loved it and the tattoos that were on both of his arms. One day she would ask him about them. Any chance that she got that she wasn't busy she was looking at his brown eyes that just turned her heart into butter. She could feel her heart skipping a beat. At first she wasn't turned on by him, but this was more than infatuation. She knew something was there. She had a gut feeling. Things seemed to progress quite a bit.

Star knew that interacting with someone at work on a more personal level was not right. She just couldn't help herself, but she would have to be slow about it. She didn't even know if he wanted it in the first place and how much trouble it might cause her in every way possible. Star was an "unhappily" married woman and had been for a few years now. Her marriage was complicated in her mind. She really did love her husband Tommi Lee. What was there not to love? His chocolate brown hair, hazel eyes, and his football-like physique. He was about 2 more feet taller than her almost. Yet , she appreciated what he did for her and all the things that she had found fault with didn't really matte,r up until about 2016 when she realized that they had problems that went beyond the normal. He wasn't ready for marriage counseling . She suggested it. She knew a minister in the local area. It took a while to get him to agree, but he realized after she left about four times that he needed to get it straight.

While at counseling she did realize that there was so much that she had in mind. Her son called him dad. How could she squash her son's dreams? The son that she gave up so that he could have a better future with his dad and she could try to build on a future that he could be included in? She never pictured trying to be with another man. If it happened naturally, should she let it? It would be a true test of time if she really wanted to stay with her husband.

It was getting harder at work to concentrate. She kept messing up around him... Brien that is and so did he. He was forgetting little things, when he was at her register. She caught him starting glimpses of her at the register when she wasn't looking when he was on self- checkout. She kept checking out his physique and his personality. Everytime he bent down with his ass in the air it was a pure image from God himself. She knew it was lust. She knew that she needed ot be forgiven. She was. Star kept picturing things happening. She couldn't help, but look into what would happen if her and her boss were involved. He text her out of courtesy when he wanted her to come into work the about three months ago. She guessed texting was the thing, but he was doing it because he thought she still might be asleep. Small favors with personal text messages. Although, he didn't reply to her joke about her reminding him about something that was supposed to happen at work , when they worked together again. Star couldn't help , but feel embarrassed around customers with him around. She knew she had to be blushing. He had the sexiest smile and stance and she could just picture what he looked like underneath his business attire. She wanted him, and not just for hte sexual/intimate moments, but for the friendship. He seemed like a genuine person that she wanted to get to know and her parents eventually might like.

This was bad and forbidden. One night she went to bed and had a dream that he had asked her out for coffee. They had to go somewhere else aside from the diner that was in the store, so that their coworkers couldn't see. It was taboo for a manager and an employee to be seen together, especially interpreted as a "date." Although, Brien and Star hadn't technically labeled it as a date, just friends spending time together, which was danagerous for a married woman and a single man, especially for two people who had an underlying attraction to each other. It was just a dream right? It wasn't reality? No, she couldn't let this happen.

He took her by the hand and opened the door for her. She followed him to his house, so that she could drive home and she would take a shower alone this time before she went back to the normal life of being a wife and fur mom to Kayley. As she entered his house she could smell remnants of him. She could smell his sexy scent of Axe in his hair and his body. It turned her on. Star had to tame herself, because she knew what kind of trouble she would cause if she let this get out of hand. However, he took the lead. During the coffee time, he was glancing at her and he couldn't help looking into her deep apple green eyes that glittered as she looked at him with want in her eyes. He couldn't help , but see her sweet , genuine personality and how much she adored him. He took her by the hand and they sat down and watched tv together . She drank a beer with him and they got to talking a bit and while talking he put his arm around her shoulder. He held hands with her. Both knew they didn't want to take it too far. She wanted to kiss him so badly and feel his tongue on hers, but everytime she made a move it usually ended bad. She waited for him. He gave her an innocent peck on the cheek and also on the lips. She did tell him that she was unhappily married, but that she didn't want ot rush things and he respected that. Star took a shower after about an hour or two at his house and wiped off all of his scent. Even though they didn't have sex, she knew that her husband wouldn't be happy to smell another man's scent on her. She had lied to him and told him that she was going to be going to her friend's house from work, a female friend. She couldn't tell him the truth yet. She wanted to wait a bit longer until she knew things were going to work out. He was hte man that held doors, no beard, just a mustache and just an overall neat looking guy that had manners , and the complete package. A package that one day she wanted to see.

Two months later she was not living a dream, but a reality. Things were getting hot and heavy. Although, she knew the laws. Star didn't want him to pursue her for alimony, so they didn't have sex until she was separated from him for a full year and divorced. She was going to move on with her life. At that point she had moved in with him and they were planning to get married in the next year or so.

While the divorce was rough, she didn't know the half of it. She had to rely on paying for her car on her own in her own name, her dog was soley her responsibility and her phone bill. Fortunately Brien didn't make her pay any rent yet. He told her he could give her a bit of time to get on her feet. Neither Tommi Lee or her were asking for alimony, becuase they both didn't make enough, but Brien made enough because he was a salaried manager. She couldn't wait to see what he had in store for her. Brien planned rose pedals on the bed for her and soft music. They had dinner by candle light and also a warm bath together. They washed each other's bodies and licked places that they had dreamed about since they were together, but had refrained from. " I love you Star, Brien told her! Ever since we actually saw each other I love you too, Star said so romantically." Her heart was pounding hard. She pressed her head against his chest and heard his heart beat. Star played with his nipples and teased a bit with her lips. Tonight was definitely a forbidden night. She would explore places that she only dreamed of and she was going to make him hers forever, not just tonight. There was a connection that no one could take away from them. Even though they were working together, they did tell the boss, but becuase they could keep things professional it wasn't a problem. While it was forbidden to have a manager/employee relationship, she was so glad that it was great! That night, she took him to new heights and made him feel like hte man that he deserved to be. She was the woman that she deserved. Intimate moments could not be forgottten.

Star knew that she had a great man. Time after time , she made mistakes. This time she was going to introduce her son Travis to him slowly. Brien wanted kids, but was okay that she couldn't have any. He was looking forward to going with her to see her son Travis. Maybe the next year he would live with them and then he could make steps toward parenting Travis . She knew that Travis would definitely like him more than Tommi Lee. Even though Tommi Lee had a similar personality, he still was quite tough. Brien was calm in the toughest of situations and she liked that about him. It was hard to make him mad.

Forbidden love, not so forbidden , and lucky that things worked out the way that they did. Fortunately there was an understanding between both parties, so things were parted amicably, and there were no terrible repurcusions. She could enjoy life with the new man of her dreams that swept her off of her feet in every way imaginable, both intimately and non physical as well.

Grandpa Al was one of the men in my life that I will never forget. He is the man that I will always think about and my memories of him I cherish . I hope to one day share this with my son who never got to know his great grandfather.

Al Chinn was a man that seemed to know it all. He could put a smile on your face when you needed it, fix your car on the side of the road, your microwave or refrierator, and he could also warm you up and make your soul melt with his homemade cusines, particularly his Asian dishes.

As a young child, I just really appreciated the way that he cooked meals for me, and tickled me. He always knew how to make me have a better day. Later on in life, in my teenage years especially, he would share his grandfatherly wisdom, but I never saw him as my grandpa, but a famous man around Wilmington and a second dad to me. When he hurt I hurt. When he died everyone in Wilmington almost, came to his visitation and his funeral.

It's bad to worship someone , except God, but things were just different when he was around. Nothing seemed as trivial and his presence numbed all the bad things that everyone felt. As his health declined though, everyone felt the weight of his demise and we began the grieving process.

When I was younger I never wanted to think about death or dying, but it's a part of life. I guess I thought my grandpa was invinsible, and then I learned the sad truth. One day I took him for granted. I had my own young adult life that included some things I wasn't proud of, but seeing him was not on the top of the list. I remember when my parents sat me down at On the Border restaurant and told me that my grandpa only had a short time to live. They didn't tell me how long. I continued on with life and then one day when my mom showed up at my job crying, I knew then that something was wrong. I knew that I was gonig to have to hold her and one of us was going to have to drive. She knew how visibly upset I was and so she went ahead and drove us to the hospital. As we were surrounded by our family and friends, I never realized how much the weight of death had until I went into his room and looked at his face , pale as ghost or a white sheet, his lips were blue, and he was cold. He looked so peaceful in his sleep as he went on to be with the Lord. For that I was grateful that he had accepted him as his Lord and Savior. It hadn't been that long ago.

I remember when we had his visitation and I went up to the casket becuase we had an open casket and saw him there. I told him that I loved him even though I knew he couldn't hear me. I walked away. That night I cried and cried away from my grandma and especially my dad. I didn't want him to see how hurt I really was . I knew that it had to be ten times the hurt for him since it was his father. I know myself, as close as I have come a few times to losing my own father , that I would be devastated if my dad passed away, even though him and I had a strained relationship a few times in my life.

At his funeral was the worst. My grandpa loved to hear me play flute and so he would record me playing my flute for hours. He wouldn't leave. He sat there and listened tom e play and he cried with joy every time I played something that struck him. Well, I promised that when he died that I would play at his funeral. I didn't realize how many people were there. I dont' know if I was just nervous, grieving, or both, but I had a hard time getting through the song that I chose to play for him . " It is well with my soul. " Even now when I hear it or "Wind Beneath my Wings" or The " Rose" by Bette Midler, I tear up.

I miss the days when I used to galivant with my grandpa and grandma, and I didn't push my limits with rebellion. I miss the carefree days. The eggrolls, the laughs, the tears, and not ever wanting to go home. My mom was actually jealous, becuase I wanted to stay at their house more than her house and I ate there more.

While I could be down about my grandpa dying, my grandma is doing well and has and I had closure a few months after he died when he appeared in a dream. Also, my dad is the closest thing to my grandpa that anyone ever will be and it's comforting to know that I can sense my grandpa when I am with my dad, or when I cook Asian food, or even just in small things. My grandpa is my guardian angel and I know that myself, as well as my family, miss him terribly, but we will have our memories nad cherish those, as bad as it hurt to lose him physically on this earth.

Kayla was scratching herself because she had an itch. Being able to get rid of the itch would make her one happy dog.My warm, cuddly miniature pinscher/chiuhua mix that I doted on and loved since the day we got her. I’ve always been a dog lover. I, on the other hand had a different kind of itch that manifested over several months ago.

Ever since I was a little girl, I had been the one that fantasized about who my husband would be and what would make me happy. The pursuit of happiness. It was my next prority to making first chair in the All District band for flute and my academia. Lately, I have learned quite a lesson in things that seem different than they really are and I’m a middle-aged woman. We always learn things in life and sometimes it takes us being knocked down several times to see just what it is and cursed with ultimatums by our spouse.

My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years come March 8th of this year. Four days after my birthday, of which I will turn 35. I did that on purpose so that him and I wouldn’t forget our anniversary . For some time now, we’ve had our ups and downs , but we’ve always struggled with communication primarily. There were certain behaviors that really just bugged us both. Kevin crawled under my skin just like I got under his. His happiness was trying to please me and make sure that I was a happy wife. ” Happy wife, happy life”, was the motto he had learned as a young boy himself. In the beginning we were so in love that we emmersed ourselves in that and it was the honeymoon phase, but it was going to be over before I knew it. Then it would be time to face the routine of life. Everyone warned us that if we weren’t careful we would end up too comfortable and end up living like companions instead of the lovers that we should have been.

We both had heard of the seven year itch , but I guess I was the one that suffered.I am so fortunate that my husband asn’t bit with the bug. The bug of leaving me and moving back with his family and making me survive. The many times that I had broken his heart during dating as well, when I didn’t feel like we were compatible and right with each other. Time and time again, over and over. I would find some flaws in my marriage and I was the one that tried to go after lust. I wanted to find the guy that I had been introduced to in high school, Trevor. I thought that my happiness was going to be in someone that had dark olive skin, and Italian roots. I found myself going back to the 17 year old that I used to be and wanting to create a fantasy that I knew in my mind wouldn’t exist. The man that I liked really was quite shallow and demeaning and didn’t know how to carry on a converstaion in person and just used diffrent sex tactics to win over women. I thought I’d be different and special, but I was going to end up being lured in to the same situation and I would slowly and surely lose my husband forever of almost 10 years, five dating/engaged and and five married. I felt like I had a ton of filth and I was just wanting the attention of another man since I didn’t feel like my husband fit hte mold. I felt guilty and disgusted, that I had let myself go so low.

Part of what I had experienced was my inadequacy as a woman due to having to have a hysterectomy and then my ovarian tumor removed. I had struggled with feelings of depression, doubt, and just overall overwhelmness and guiltyness with my family. I felt saturated in so many negative emotions that I didn’t know how to get a grip and deal with them. I had so many plans that I had in my future. Things were adding up, our weight gain and darkness in our house , crept into our souls. I felt like Satan was coming in to demolish and suck us dry. We forgot how to love each other and what it meant to talk things out and be excited about being in one another’s presence. We both made excuses that we shouldn’t have made. We both let family in that we shouldn’t have let in to help us and pry into our life. It was our own life. We let too many things influence our love/lack of love and commitment to each other.

Time and time four times over I had left. I promised it would be it and I would be finding happines on the beach with my feet tucked in the sand and crashing to the waves. Happiness in knowing that my laundry would be done by my grandmother who enjoyed taking care of me, and I had later taken advantage of to a degree. My aunt and uncle that gave advice that I didn’t listen to. I was a free spirit and I did my own thing. I thought that happiness would be found in finding my own job , my own way, living in an apartment and being able to be the mom that I wanted to be since my son was in Mississippi. I thought maybe I’d be with Trevor or someone else and just completely throw away the ten years that I had in my life.

We had discussed counseling, but I didn’t think it would be an option. There were so many times that we had listened to no one. I still hadn’t changed much. I was still on facebook and letting all the negativity from the busy bodies of my family, but only because I let them help . My parents, uncle, and aunt,a nd grandmother. I let too much in and influence and my day to day activities became seeing what drama could be stirred up today. I let happiness go away when I started feeling failure of failing my class, regrets of leaving my prior job and even the one I was going to start in Taylorsville. I was close to starting in a week. I let it all go to come back and to try to make things work with counseling and a new persepective and being with each other. I chose to come and learn again about my spouse and from my spouse and to encourage. I slowly became the person that no one in my town could depend on and lost respect from the one elder I called my second mom, my grandma.

I learned what happiness really has been over the past few times that I have left. Happiness is coming to our home as a married couple that we rent and cooking meals and watching a movie together cuddled together. The intimacy of making love over and over again and looking into their eyes and feeling the connection and one in the flesh. It is being in the moment with each other no matter what you do. Happiness is learning compromise and how to talk to your spouse even in the tough times. Conflict has never been good for me to resolve face-to-face and I will have to learn with him so that I can do that other places. I’ve let down family that has supported me so that I could find my own happiness with my husband, my dog, and my own independent life that will hope to include my son. It will be finding a job that I hopefully will embrace and enjoy doing and keep for a long time so that I can feel like I am being productive instead of feeling like a bum in society and relying on everyone else.

Brandon and I are in the most in love that we have been even though it took separating for 3 weeks to show that. I realize that it will take a lot on my part to rekindle the marriage and my ties with my family on both ends and that will come in time, but for now I’m going to learn to enjoy the little things in life and not make so much trivial fuss over stupid things. Life is too short and every day that is given by the Lord I am grateful for. Happiness is a choice that I am choosing to make in 2019 with my God who loves me forever by my side , my husband, and my dog and hopefully in the later future my son Tommy when he comes to live with us.

Goodbye is definitely hard and was so even with my son. Being able to have him with us when we did was some of the best memories in my life. I bawled like a baby because the pursuit of happiness was not allowing myself to cry , but I did over my pre-teen boy leaving with his dad and stepmom.

Pieces of my heart being torn apart by various things and even myself. Happiness is loving myself no matter what.

I count myself lucky and blessed that I have such a forgiving husband that was willing to take me back all the times that I had done him wrong. All the times that I was cowardly and didn't face up to my issues. In the past happiness meant different things to me. When I was a kid it was the Barbie and baby dolls, or a bike, or a video game, and skates. Now, it's things like my husband that has primarily helped to keep shelter over my head and food, clothes, comunication devices such as my phone or the internet, and a vehicle ot drive to where I need and want to go. I guess that 's the way it's supposed to be as you get older, things that make you happy change from material to practical.

However, in the pursuit of happiness my heart is full and happy and I am at peace with the decision that I have made over the past few weeks. I'm happy with the idea of rekindling my marriage and investing the time to be the couple that I had envisioned to be, becauase in all honesty, my husband Kevin is the man I fantasized about more as a kid. Someone that was there and cared about my every need or want. My need to be pleased in whatever way possible and my vision of a man that was tall, and bold, daring both in personality and in physique. My soulmate and companion for life.