I don't ask you about the scars on your skin, and you don't ask me about the blood under my nails.

Without me there to soothe the pain you get from your wounds you cry and shutdown. Without you here to clean the red from my hands I scream and punch the wall.

(Symbiotic. Parasitic. Mutualistic. Either way, it takes two.)

I crawled up from the dirt and you grabbed my hand to pull me out. You fell from the sky and I caught you in my arms to soften the fall.

(Live or die, but our fingers are intertwined).

All I did was fall asleep

Woke up pregnant with swollen feet

World went on locks and chains

And in a room I writhed in pain

Blood plum dropped from the womb

My baby died and the toilet was it's tomb

He said he prayed for it to happen

And silently, I did too

Two weeks later, I fell to fever

Bedridden with tachycardia

Autonomic dysfunction

A chronic condition

Eight ER visits without explanation

Was I dying?

I laid for years staring at that one window, grateful it was there so I could count the neighbors shingles

Daughter watched me disappear and detached to keep up good grades in school

The future looked bleak because no one knew what to do

Husband cracked, and became addicted to the devil

Slept with my best friend in my house while I meditated to the angel

My sister betrayed me and he did too

I lost my body, job, the love of my life, and a knife was wedged between what was real, wrong, right?

His family disowned me for being sick

They blamed me for everything that didn't fit

And husband exited, real quick

Leaving me in a daze, with her rabbit named Glitch on my lap, to go live with my parents

All colors of life and love were swallowed by the day I woke up sick

And I grieved the loss of it all, howling madly into my blankets

For again, no explanation was there to comfort me

He slept around some more

And terrorized me any chance he could get

I blamed my illness

And wanted to die

But my child needed me to be there even if all I could be was a mom with ears, confined

All the good times flooded in

And it stung like the sting from a 100 bees

It still hasn't sunk in

Three years later, I am still advocating for my return to life

Trying to rise from the ashes that fell upon me in the middle of that night

And I think to myself....

I sought out spiritualists, priests, nuns, doctors from every specialty and no one could help me....but me

I was ridiculed by my own family with words like: bum, whore, you have nothing going on for you, cripple, loser, and many more

But this morning, I backed out of the driveway with the help of a nomadic friend, rising sun shining on my smile, to look at my daughter, and saw that hell has it's attributes

And I am going to break the illusion

That something so surreal and devastating

Could last forever.

Every ending has a new beginning.

Well, I ended him all right. He shouldn’t have done it but he did. So I did – end him I mean.

I carefully stirred antifreeze into one of two glasses and handed the spiked tea to him as I smiled and kissed him. He never realized that It was a goodbye kiss as he contemplated leading me to the bedroom. II enjoyed it thoroughly as I watched him swig his tea with its lovely dose of antifreeze. It was no secret to me that he was both a cheater and a liar but I really did not care anymore because I knew I was about to have a new beginning.

If only I had realized that the outcome of my new beginning might not be a good one! As I walked away from his very stiff body, I decided to take a swig of the other tea which I had not spiked. Unfortunately, he had surreptitiously spiked my tea when I went to wash my hands. Not only was he a cheater and a liar but I found out the hard way that he was also was a murderer. In retrospect, my ending wasn’t that bad as I floated off into oblivion, hoping for a new beginning.

When I finished traveling to my new beginning, to my horror, there he was with a malevolent smirk on his face!

Oh no! Don’t tell me I’m nothing -

something lives inside my head,

my black eyes have seen it all.

I leave my calling card on doorsteps,

scattering echoes of wind as proof

that I am a new beginning, waiting

for the fog on the deserted road

to develop wings and begin to fly.

I bare my tainted pen, becoming

something in shadows climbing

over empty spaces, leaving space

for something echoing in soup bowls.

Feed me! Feed my emptiness of soul -

move the migraines in my cloudy vault,

follow footprints into charisma of dawn.

I may mean nothing but I am your world

your empty spot, just waiting to be filled.

One second

clock hands whirl

I hold my breath

closer to death

and further

from you

as you walk

softly in

parallel universe

I cannot

catch you

because you

are always

one second away.

Sealed over on itself

and swollen

Can't bite or see

Afraid the dangerous mind

left me

#poetry #hello #molars

I take a razor blade from my friend,

to stop him from cutting

And then I crawl into the bathroom and cut with it

I’m just a hypocrite in my hypocritical hole,

hoping that no one questions the flaws in my logic,

But they always do.

Behind invisible bars

black wolves hover

in sheepskin disguises.

Pythons of hypocrisy

swallow our spirit.

Empty bags

obliterate our souls.

Living

in soundless tombs,

we struggle

against restraints -

prisoners

of imposters.

It’s time to go

I know

I know

If only we

Had listened though

We will pray

Before we go

What starts with sun

Will end with snow

It’s time to go

I know

I know