I can’t breathe

I want

to

s p e a k

I want to

S C R E A M

I want to fucking cry.

(you stole my air...and I’m dying)

You know what I am angry about? People can't ever seem to see how amazing they are. Self deprecation is so common and it seems to be everywhere I look, and it makes me mad. Maybe not so much mad as just sad. These amazing humans impact me so much every day, and yet they refuse to accept the beauty I see in them.

I'm pretty forceful about this. Whenever my friends self deprecate I do my best to point out some of their amazing things that make them beautiful, but that's all I can do. I feel so helpless, useless to open their eyes to themselves.

I must tell you, though, that I am being hypocritical. I have a hard time seeing my own worth and my own reason for being alive.

I think one reason I care so much about other people finding their worth is because I cant find mine, and I find some purpose in helping them see theirs. This also makes me mad, as I feel my motives for loving people are selfish.

yeah.

Guys, Please love yourself. I dont know whatever you have in your brain that keeps you from doing it, but I know this. You deserve love. You deserve to feel good about who you are. You have made mistakes, but so has everyone else. Mistakes make you human. They teach you, and they make you beautiful.

Maybe you feel useless and like no one notices you, but let me tell you. I believe it is impossible to go through this life without making a difference in someone's life. You know that one person who borrowed a pencil from you three weeks ago? They probably feel so greatful that they found someone to give them one. It's NERVEWRACKING to look for pencils! You know that guy who you smiled at in the hallway a month ago? Maybe he was having an awful day and he needed that smile. You know that persuasive essay you wrote? It was so impactful that your teacher spent all night thinking about it.

You are seen. Someone loves you. Many people love you. You are worth it. You are Valid. Your problems are valid, and you shouldnt feel ashamed for having them. If you ever need to rant about anything, feel free to ping me and I will listen. Talking feels good.

You deserve love, just as much as anyone. You are beautiful, and you are human.

Please, try. Try to love yourself.

I'll be trying right with you.

In life, sometimes, you’re just down on your luck.

And sometimes, that just pisses me off.

So when life gives me lemons, this is my reply.

Should fire not rage? Should thunder not crackle?

Should fists not fight? Should I remain shackled?

Should I let myself just get beaten by chance?

Or should I stand tall, take arms, and advance?

I raise up my chin and I look to the sky,

I raise up a shout, and I shout my war cry:

Fire will rage, and thunder will crackle,

Fists will fight, and I’ll be unshackled.

I’m fighting to stay sane

But the madness has its way

It has a hold, you could say

It’s troublesome, being insane

But I was born this way

Angry, with thoughts inane.

I don’t wanna hear

I don’t wanna see you.

You continue to talk brazenly

when I don’t wanna listen.

I feel like a box bag for your disgusting words.

Full of negativity.

I haven’t heard anything nice from you.

It is because of your words that I am transforming myself in negativity,

I absorb what you say even though..

I don’t want to.

I feel worthless, miserable, insignificantly miserable, black!

I don’t understand what you want to do with what you are doing??

Make a positive change in my behavior?

No way! You’re on the wrong track!

You just inspire me to hate you.

I want to kill you every time you start your sweet talking.

I want you dead and that you’re gone 4ever!

I want my slap to drive you to the bottom as much as your words bring me down to depression.

I hate you and I think you owe me every time you scream at me in anger and then apologize later.

Like you hope evil will disappear then!?

And then starting over and over again every week..the same;

Your anger. My silence.

In my thoughts suitcases are rolling.

I can’t wait for you to disappear from my life!

I blame myself for not stopping your gub,

 because I don’t know the way

 because I don’t want to look for ways

because I’m lazy, as you say.

The only thing I see as an immediate solution is aggression, weapon,

Your death for my freedom.

It became clear to me

how someone who they thought was a peaceful person

at one time killed their neighbor.

You’ve been doing traumas for my whole life.

You created wounds that leave visible scars.

I dont need that in my life.

And then you wonder why I hate you.

Why, what’s so bad about you?

You don’t even see what you do.

You don’t even notice.

And I’m not showing you.