"Who did you vote for?"

"It's none of your f'n business. Why don't you and your snowflake libtard friends take a long hike off a short pier before this country goes to total shit. I'll vote for whomever the hell I choose to, damn it."

"I was talking about Dancing With The Stars, but I think you just told me who you voted for for president."

“I don’t need to wear a mask! I’ve got individual rights!”

“Well then - if you think your individual rights trump your social responsibilities, don’t use our social services then.”

“Huh?”

“I’m saying don’t clog up the hospitals when you get sick, asshole - just stay home and die responsibly.”

“I don’t have COVID-19 though! It’s a hoax!”

“Then I’m sure you’ll pull through just fine if you stay at home.”

“You can’t deny me care!”

“Why? You denied caring about anyone else - why the fuck should we care about you?”

[And yes, Americans are currently overwhelming their hospital systems with COVID-19 cases while literally dying denying the virus exists - welcome to the “land of the free” where our world class healthcare providers are about to move en masse to countries that actually appreciate their services because they are fed the fuck up with us]

[Italy already called dibs on Dr. Fauci.]

“Magic mirror on the wall, does this outfit make me look fat?”

“You look like a sedentary, ice-cream addicted, extravagantly-flabby hippopotamus who happens to also be pregnant with abnormally humungous quintuplets.

It’s got nothing to do with the outfit though.”

...

...

″....so you like the outfit then?”

“yeah it’s cute.”

“Am I pretty?”

“You’re tolerable. Personally I’d lose the dead-mothers-of-anime haircut and maybe cover those soulless corpse eyes with contacts. Acne appears to be an uphill battle for you if that hill was 100% vertical. Speaking of vertical, you’re a bit vertically, ehem, challenged. Horizontally too. Here I thought only cats were supposed to have whiskers. You need to wax that, girl. Maybe you’d draw more compliments if you didn’t dress younger than my six-year-old cousin. Your complexion is so pasty it would blind the sun. And as for the muffin-top, I’d say you had more rolls than the Michelin Man, or more rolls than a bakery, but those would be too unoriginal. So I’ll just say, you got more roles than Hollywood. Bruh.”

“...so is that a no?”

#fiction

1) ”Cuantos sus anos?” instead of “Cuantos sus años?”

Without pronouncing the tilda, you are asking how many butts someone has instead of how old they are.

2) “Cuando esta el inodoro?” instead of “Cuando esta el baño?”

You are asking where the “toilet” is instead of the restroom.

3) “Estoy muy embarazado!” instead of “Estoy muy emoccionado!”

You are saying you are pregnant (embarazar is a false cognate).

4) “Ella es muy guapa!” instead of “Ella es muy bonita!”

You are saying that she is “handsome”

5) ”Él es una maestra buena!” instead of ”Él es un maestro bueno!”

You are addressing a man as a woman.