The goal of my thesis was to discover the answer to the age old question, “When I injure my hand, do I feel the pain in my hand, or does the pain actually register in my head?”

So I laid my left hand on the table and swung the hammer as hard as I could, striking the middle finger a solid blow. It took a good second before I could scientifically say I felt anything at all. It occurred to me in that singular moment that the reason for the time lapse was due to the pain having to travel through the nerves from the alarmed fingertip to the unaware brain. I was on to something!

So, with hopes of stopping that flow of pain-signaling neurons from reaching my brain, I delivered another ringing hammer blow to the side of my head. This worked, as the pain in my hand immediately dissipated! Eureka!

Unfortunately, when I awoke I could not remember the outcomes, and realized I would have to start my experimentations all over again.

This time though, I think I will video tape it so that future generations can see the results.

Pain can wake you up.

Pain can shut you down.

It can fill you with manic energy.

Or leave you so exhausted you can’t think.

It can be fast and jarring.

Or slow and agonizing.

Fueled with numbing adrenaline.

Or nerves firing with the slightest move.

It can make you feel strong.

It can make you feel weak.

It is a double-edged blade.

pain is when you're surrounded by feelings-

the sadness

and

the happiness

and every little

experience in between-

the memories,

close and distant,

drifting like feathers

on the wind

poised to land

on an empty ocean,

it's all there,

too little,

too much-

standing on the horizon, completely

a

l

o

n

e

We all at times

shed the tears of true pain

yes they’re bitter,

they’re potent

and they’re real

but we do not give in

for there’s always a hope

to transform

to redeem,

and to heal.

So take hold of the reins

do not succumb!

for true pain never dies

it sleepeth ...

The most pain is having to eat this now.

We both got caught. Now we're in trouble. Both of us, me and Jorge.

Grampa was being nice. Wish I didn't wreck it. He gave us orange sherberts in a bowl, bowl for me and a bowl for Jorge. He caught us being bad. Now we have to eat it.

This is the most pain. This is the most, forever and ever. Orange sherbert with lots of salt, and a lot, lot, LOT of pepper.

I’m the one who started it. Please don’t tell. Grampa doesn’t know. He doesn't know who did it. He only caught us in the middle. 

First I dumped a teeny bit salt in Jorge’s orange sherbert. “That’s what you get,” I told him. “You broke Bedlam. Yeah, you did. Tell the truth.”

Bedlam’s my favorite Hot Wheels car. It WAS my favorite. Till he broke the wheel off. I never said he could play with it.

Jorge says he never touched it still, then he does the salt shaker, does it over my bowl now, only way, way more. See my orange sherbert when the sunlight hits it, the sunlight from the window when I turn my head this way, then I turn my eyes this way, you can see the sunlight on my orange sherbert. Now it has teeny, tiny frosting on it of salt.

That’s when I did pepper. You have to turn the crank. I turned it and I cranked it. Teeny, tiny BLACK flakes now, all over his orange sherbert and it make me laugh. I laugh how smart I am for doing it one better on him.

Now Jorge does pepper on mine.

All I tell him is the same. “Tell the truth.” That's what I want to know.

He says he is still. He won't give up.

That’s what I don’t like are liars.

“Liars get more salt,” I say. More than a little this time. You have to teach liars a lesson.

Then he does more on mine.

Then more pepper. That’s what you get.

Pepper-on-orange looks like orange chocolate chip ice cream.

Then he does more on mine.

“That’s what YOU get,” he says. He doesn’t do the handle good, but a lot still comes out, probably 'cause I already did a bunch up there, but I didn’t put it all in there in his ’cause I’m a better brother than him.

Then we did a couple more times. Salt and pepper. Salt and pepper. All over his orange sherbert ‘cause he lied. Then on mine ’cause he lied some more. He just thinks it’s funny, but so do I. So there!--

That’s when Grampa caught us. He came back in the kitchen when we weren’t looking.

Now we have to eat it. Both of us.

This is the worst orange sherbert in the whole wide world. I think I’m gonna throw up, just when I take a teeny, tiny bite. But Grampa says we have to eat it. He said eat it all. Grampa's mad.

This is the most disgusting pain ever in the whole wide world. There could never be a pain this bad. And I’m only halfway done. So's Jorge. Who cares about him though.

He sleeps

He weeps

He dreams

He screams

In agony he calls

And walks the halls

I wake

And can not slake

His search for peace

Or give release

In turn I cry

Till my eyes run dry

And God why?

All I try

Denies our dearest wish

Ignores my healing kiss

And still it call our names

And plays its dire games

And pain

Wins again

This love is starting to hurt me now.

I don’t want to feel it at all.

I ignored the warning sign telling me I was going to fall.

Now I’m back in this place in a game with someone I can’t win.

This time the pain is immense, I don’t ever want to feel it again.