Girl of thunder

Of magic and wonder

Every day with you is an adventure

The messy calls

chaotic banter

sleep-deprived mania

Shines a lantern for my heart

Her attitude

Confident yet kind

Reminds me of a goddess

The girl who fights

The one who dreams

The one who rests when need be

The girl who gives

The one who holds

The one who reminds me to take in oxygen

Her existence

Pure and noble

Made my soul make a promise

She taught me

Helped me

Slapped me into perspective

She is teaching me how to just... be

So if she can defy death twice,

And come out still standing,

Why do I even try to roll the dice

Even when my brain is too demanding

She makes me live,

because there isn't a world I would want to live in

Without her joyous smile

Will I ever make it right?

Will I ever make you proud?

Will I ever protect you from your sadness?

Will I ever be the one to make you feel like you again?

Will I ever try to keep the promise of finding/bringing your happiness back?

promise #1: i'll be the best daughter you could have asked for.

perfect grades

sleepless nights, falling onto a tearstained pillow

fake smiles, frigid stares, feared and dreaded disappointment

bad decisions, a perfect record, lies lies lies

verdict: fail

promise #2: i'll stay with you forever

happy beginnings and hopeful first dates

discussions of a future years ahead, already in the making

open conversation curling in on itself

forgetting who you are and who you want to be

arguments and frustration and the inability to accept reality

bad decisions, perfected smiles, blank eyes, lies lies lies

verdict: fail

promise #3: i'll have my life figured out and planned like you wanted

goals and dreams and ambition

late nights mapping out your life

feeling like its actually someone else's

finding things you love and hiding them

shame and worry and fear and lies lies lies

perfectly planned agendas open and unchecked

finding solace in what does not fit in the plan of a life that's not yours

finally escaping, trying to figure out who you are

who are you?

verdict: fail

promise #4: i'll love only who the world thinks i should love

going out with a boy

laughter and jokes and what could have been love

overthinking, overcompensating, overwhelming

perfect presentation of a picturesque relationship

fighting, avoiding your thoughts, avoiding his body

leaving

being both ashamed and so so relieved

her, in the back of the car

faceless, and yet so so much more right

puzzle pieces properly in place

going back to perfectly pretending

lies lies lies

verdict: fail

promise #5: i'll be perfect

verdict: fail

A lie. Or maybe more? What is it like to tell the truth about a lie you told?

Forever. Thats what I told her. Forever and nothing more to care for.

Flowers? Maybe dancing? A prom which had to be like no other. But what if. What if I did it just slightly diffrent? No flowers but stars, no dancing but flying, no prom but dying.

Is it true I left you? Or is there a little more to do for you?

After the lies that got told, the hate that got given, it's finally MY turn not to be forgiven.