Bit Money for Lunch and bit Coins for a Snack
Since all our currency already had dead presidents on the, there is no sense going that route, and the same hold true of out coins other than Sacagawea, who was minted on a gold dollar back in 2000.
So why not women? There has already been talk of Harriet Tubman replacing Andy Jackson on the face of the twenty, and this alone would be historic.
So here are my choices:
Dollar Bill: Martha Washington
Two Dollar Bill: Calamity Jane
Five Dollar Bill: Agatha Christie
Ten Dollar Bill: Eleanor Roosevelt
Twenty Dollat Bill: Harriet Tubman
Fifty Dollar Bill: Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy
Hundred Dollar Bill: Helen Keller
I would go higher but the $500, $1,000, and $10,000-dollar bills saw their last printing in 1946.
Coin wise, they could remain the same. Engraving coins is more expensive than printing money. 5.4 cents for printing money. 10.7 cents for coins.)
... and this brings me to the real question at hand ... the name of my bit coin scam, swindle, or fraud, take your pick.
"Bit O' Coin."
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, act now without delay to have your very own 'Bit O' Coin'! It looks like, tastes like, and smells like Bit-O-Honey! Be the first in your neighborhood to have a coin you can feed on and never go hungry again. Supplies are limited. Due to the intense demand, these coins have no refund extended. First come, first served. Credit card only. Special price if you act today: one bit coin for $49.99, ten for $459, or one hundred for $46,500. This offer expires in twenty-four minutes.
(All coins have been pre-tested and bit into.)
The clock is ticking Hurry!
money does not make the world go round...
all money is an idea. it means nothing in itself, bill or coin. you can not eat it, it opens no locks, it jingles, but makes no music. what is represented by it is the guarentee that it is NOT valueless and NOT ALONE. by being apart of a greater body of recognized similar pieces, it becomes somewhat valuable in that some of the greater value they collectively represent is equal in potential to other items of purchase, whose value is more established, (apples for example). the fact that a bunch of these objects whose objective value is zero, is somehow able to be equitable to something of actual benefit is a miracle of mathematics. zero may equal an apple. but only to those who agree to disregard that intrinsic logical fault. thus an abundance of zeros rises out of the void of nothingness and becomes meaningful, though of course, still only in perception.
over time, money loses value as prices soar, or increase in value as they are compared to other forms of money, who are just as ephemoral.
when soneone accumulate wealth, they hold in their grasp thousands of these zero-value notes and therefore hold themselves better off then those who have but a dozen. there are marks of numbers on the money, singles, fivers, tens..all an outright lie to pursuade us that the value of these marks is so great that it can actually be extended by multiplicity! and they are traded with great artithmatic precision: a one-hundred bill is exchanged for four twenty -valued, a ten one, three single ones AND a real apple! apart for that apple, none of the transaction amounted to anything of substance.
it gets more crazy- defacing the bills with intention is an offense in many countries. the bills, you see, are not really your property, but that of the government which issued them. the paper, is actually costly to reproduce. it is also carefully made in such a convincing way that it will not be merely reproducable by enterprizing individuals, who want to recreat the sense of pride and satisfaction that only owning thousands of zero-valued notes could bring them.
indeed, the value of the printing or metalwork that goes into the making of the coins is stated to be LESS than the value of the money itself (which as we know is zero), else people will reuse those coins for other forms of metalwork, and the paper for heating.
it used to be the other way; coins were made from metals that were of aesthetic value , which were then weighed for value, the coins being just convenintly cut to the right size and shape. but as there was such a limited amount of these metals , they soon became impractical for everyday use and were mixed in with metals that were deemed less valuable. in any case the aesthetics or value of these metals was also dubious , and the more usage they were found to have, the LESS were they commonly used in coinage!
it all comes down to trade. as an individual, I can not hope to provide all the material requisits of life to myself or family. with training, i may be able to cobble shoes, or make a chair, all of low quality and ugly beyond compare. but i shall never be able to sing! i shall never write a good book or direct a film of worth! i need other people to do these things, and some things i can do as well, which others can't or prefer not to do. and so we barter in zero -valued notes instead of actual objects and services.
just imagine needing to pay for a www.theprose.com gold membership, with whatever tradable items you have!! will they take a second hand folding chair in china, shipping not included (which will need to be paid for in some way as well..)
so we use money and it's nothingness, because the zero value note is more transferrable. we do not need to calculate the infinitesimally small value the notes really have, but instead, stupidly focus on the numbers on the note as if they mean something: we can do small sums, can't we?
this one is a five, this one is a ten.
because the value printed on the note is limited, for more complicated transactions, we use banks, and remittance services. these orgenizations employ computers and communication systems of high reliability, and individuals who know mathematics to a higher level then us, and yet they also completely overlook the fact that it's all worthless, objectively.
but could humans ever make money that is truely of worth? worthfulness, substantiality, are elusive things. on a grander perspective, nothing is of worth. no creation is equal in duration or strength, radiance or speed to the cosmic scale of things. and the value we place on anything on an individual level is subject to great changes and exxageration.
but we do need something. something that holds somewhat more value and is more meaningful than those notes! it must be something to give purpose to our pursuits, and yet retain the ease of transferability , which we so greedily look for.
in that case, and with this goal in mind, i propose two things:
the one is this: create paper bills of a stated worth, just as before. with easy to add or subtract numbers. but instead of depicting some dead gentlman or lady, many of which have done monsterous things, or nothing at all the entire duration of their existance, we shall print this paper bill , with an eye to application and usage. on one side, will be inscribed short statements of very good advice. (example: "the things we pursue escape us." or "choose your words with care" or "never end a sentence with a preposition". these expressions of wisdom and practicality can be divided by topic and constantly reintroduced with new life-altering advice. people will be encouraged to contribute to the great pool of wisdome, and paid with medals and honors for the effort. the treasury department will consider contributions covering all walks of life. and as bills are printed in karge sheets, not even every bill of yhe same denomination and date of issue shall bare the same set of advice. trading these bills will be an act of transaction but also of great kindness, and many of these bills, shall be tradable between people of eager minds.
on the other sides of these bills shall be even a greater benefit to society; an open space, with thinly marked lines, on which citizens will be encouraged to write suggestions and greivences, demands and expectations, directed at the federal government and its agencies. these articles shall be written and viewed by all who wish to read them as they are passed around through commerse, until finally being examined by officials, when they are taken out of circulation. to prevent the spread of hateful ideologies or obsenities, usage of 'soiled' money as payment could be refused , if the message they barebis offensive to the reader. (granted, what constitues offenssive and improper messages shall need to be predefined) thus a person defacing a bill with hurtful speech, shall risk losing it's value as a transferrable mark of exchange, and shall have to apply for a replacement in a bank , if ever it is refused.
citizens who read these articles, these justified expressions of discontent or pleas for assstance may feel similarly and perhaps take similar or different action themselves. many of society's faults could be made right by mutual assistance, charity, and contribution. and they all must begin with an awarness of a problem. thus the blank page side shall be a forum for discussion, as well as a valuable interface between society and beurocracy.
coins will not be neglected either. but being made of metal and smaller in size they shall be stamped into various shapes, which could then be conjoined together in the form of a jigsaw puzzle. these puzzles, once combined and completed, shall hold the image of the treasure map, which shall be drawn beforehand. the frequent introduction and withdrawl of coins from circulation shall cause many to hold these coins in esteem and most eagrly seek to find the treasure, despite the fact that a real treasure shall be that of expanding their interests in geography and the adventure they shall have. perhaps the coins may also bare a letter of the alphabet, and so words of wisdom which could be formed with the placing of coins in neat lines, adding to the enjoyment of all. it could be the the coins shall also have within their design an aspectbof usage as a tool: a screwdriver head, a bottle opener, a jagged edge to cut through masking tape. a right angle and a ruler, for quick handywork, when it is needed.
thus a valueless object, shall hold both the monetary value, and a value onto itself.
Printed Spending Suggestions - Sponsored By Cons (Anime/Comic Conventions, Not Criminals)
Congratulations on getting some cold hard cash for all of your hard work! If you got these bills by stealing, well congratulations - you suck :-P
You may notice that this cash looks a little different. We have taken the liberty of printing things you may be able to afford on the specific bills. We are hoping that these suggestions will get you out shopping, and boost the economy! So without further adieu, here are your new printed money images!
$1 image: A large fountain drink from McDonald's.
$2 image: a small candy bar.
$3 image: Fred Durst (for the fans of the short but kind of sweet, yet kind of embarrassing to look back on Nu Metal craze of the late 90's - early 2000's).
$5 image: A small bottle of soda at a comic/anime convention.
$10 image: Any long forgotten movie that flopped that you can find in the bargain bin at Walmart.
$20 image: A burger and fries to go with that soda at the convention.
$50 image: Your favorite voice actor's autograph (yeah, can't you tell I like conventions?).... so an autograph for an autograph basically.
$100 image: Gas pump.