I told him

I'm a fucking hurricane

not to be provoked,

because I'll bite back

like a rabid animal.

he laughed

and told me,

"you're beautiful

like the rain.

and you enter

everyone's life

like the rain.

every one is

a flower or plant

and you,

you come in

and help people–

whether they realize it or not."

i used to hate it.

it's pristine, and too familiar.

everyone's heard of 'claire'.

then i watched the breakfast club.

i idolized molly ringwald

and if she could rock 'claire',

why couldn't i?

i guess i'll forever be

waiting for my bender.

but isn't everyone?

every good girl,

not just the 'claire''s,

want a bad boy at one point.

I've had two middle names, legally and technically, but my original middle name was the best: "Boy".

At times I've thought about changing it back, I've reflected on the memories--good and hard. I've written it down even, scrawled it out with pen and paper, 1980s style. I looked it over and thought about what it might mean and how it would just come across as some crystal gripping hippie bullshit. So I left well enough alone.

Bright

Sometimes Faint

Always Burning

Falling

Wishing

First

Known to Hide Behind Clouds

Always there

Alone amongst many

Colliding

Guiding

Mysterious

Misunderstood

Beautiful

Vast

Bottled

Gifted

Mama wanted it to reflect

The nature

Family

So they named me after the sky

So they named me after an outlaw

Mine

Starr

Middle names show personality,

A second side of someone you thought you knew,

It might be a powerful name-

Or a one syllable word-

But this name,

Holds the truth about people.

You can never know exactly who someone is.

Personally,

I do not have a middle name

And I wonder what that says about me

John - because I'm simple minded rather akin to a cabbage.

Anthony - In the lost hope that bearing this name would herald a flood of godly benefits from the famous Saint. Alas, no such benefits were forthcoming.

So I was saddled with four names, just to add to my ongoing confusion.

In my native tongue it means

"Defender of man kind"

And I feel I identity with that seeing as how I have a need to protect others from any bad thoughts they have.

Chosen by my older brother who desperately wanted a sister with that name, I hated it growing up.

Feeling like it wasn't my name but rather something he got to choose for me, as he had done most of the time.

Now I embrace it and even love it for it is an empowering name and I aim to be someone strong.

Call me Elizabeth,

A rising royal

With power and riches

And madness in spoils

Decapitation is a hobby of mine

But I'll only use knives sharpened fingernail fine.

Call me Eliza,

A teen girl,

A pink-wearing queen bee

Slightly snobby,

And stupid

And preppy, but pretty.

Most effort goes into my studies you see,

Boys don't lead me to them, boys come running to me.

Call me Elizabeth,

A scientist,

Working gears and timepieces

Layered dresses

Shining steam trains

And chemical flavored kisses.

A wrench on my belt

And a flower in my hair

Every word that I say

Is a game of truth or dare.

It does not describe me even in the slightest. I trip over nothing and fall up the stairs. I stomp my feet when I walk without even trying. I break things more than I'm proud of. Here's a little story to help you understand: I was about five and spinning around in the hospital room with my arms sticking out, when my mom's friend was holding her newborn baby....you can guess how that one ended.