Dear beloved sister,

I have noticed that you have been taking a lot of showers recently and have been wasting the hot water, with that being said I also have to admit a bad habit of mine. The writings on the mirror have indeed been written by me, your really going to get a kick out of this... you know when you thought someone was trying to murder you and you filled a police report and spent all night at the police station giving them examples of the writing like, "I'm watching you" or "I know which toothbrush you use" and then had to stay home from school, work and hanging out with your friends/boyfriend because you thought that you were in danger, and then you got fired for being absent and got suspended for not being at school, and then your friends thought you were making up excuses to not hangout with them so they said your not friends anymore, and then your boyfriend ALSO thought you were making excuses so he broke up with you, and then when you went to complain to your friends about it you forgot they weren't your friends anymore so when you texted to complain about him, your friends got mad at you and then TP'd our lawn and you had to spend all day cleaning it up, but then it rained and the toilet paper got all stuck in the grass so you had to spend all day picking it off and cutting the lawn to make it look normal again, but when you were cutting it your ex boyfriend drove by and threw a slushy out the window at you and it stained your hair pink for three days and when you tried to wash it out in the shower the mirror said "I see you"... that was me all along writing on the mirror, yeah so I'm sorry about that, haha just wanted you to stop wasting all the hot water, I know you'll think this is really funny, loving ya.

- Margo

Furin and Bia went down the busy market, trying to find something to spend their few coins on. As street kids, they were pretty hungry.

"O hey, there's Batterbog," Bia said, tugging his sleeve (gently, lest it ripped.) They moved over, and the orc's face lit up to see them.

"Meat!!" he said. "See? All kinds of meat, fresh meat!"

"You sure it's meat?"

"123% garentee!" the orc boomed. "or is it 50% as full? I can't tell--I never did math."

"But is it meat...?"

"Oh, THAT we're certain about." The orc nodded.

"Is it fresh?" Furin challenged.

"Quite," the orc grunted. "Open and see for yourself."

Bia carefully, gingerly opened a packet. A live fly zoomed out.

"See?" Batterbog said proudly. "So fresh the flies are still about."

"What kind of meat it is?" Furin asked hesitently.

Batterbog frowned, confused, then turned over his shoulder. "Oi zog! What kind of meat is it?"

A cry came from behind the stand. "What?"

Batterbog shrugged. "Guess you're on your own."

Dear Mom & Dad,

Thank you so much for the adorable Furby! Its face reminds me of the nightmares I had from Pan's Labyrinth last week. My favorite part is when it purrs when I need it to talk in the afternoon, but then, when it finally speaks properly, it's only at 3am. Good thing it knows how to penetrate the peaceful silence by conversing with the unseen lost souls of the netherworld. So silly! Can't wait to see what other tricks it can do to correct the ridiculous idea I've had that my bedroom ought to be a safe haven. Thanks again!

-Love,

Your Favorite

P.S. I loved it so much that I want to share it with you. Expect it to arrive in the mail later this week. Love you!

Hi, Jamie no one showed up Saturday for the book club

I hate to send you this text because I know how much the club means to you.

Maybe it was me. When you host we have dozens. They hang on every word you say. With me they stare out the window and clear their throats.

Today, I sat at our table at Milagro Coffee Shop, but no one else came.

There was a gentleman seated at the next table who said “why don’t you come over and sit with me and we can talk for a while?”

I was a little uncomfortable but thought well maybe I can sign him up for the book club and I can report to you that we had a meeting after all. I got up and pulled up a chair at his table.

Then he said “You know I’m sorry for what I did and I still love you.”

Then he looked up and our eyes met. I told him although we had just met, I liked him a lot too. He looked somewhat alarmed and abruptly got up and left. Then I noticed the EarPods.

I decided to eat the chocolate donut he left on his plate.

So there was only this very attractive woman and I left sitting at the coffee shop and I walked over to her and asked her by any chance was she there for the book club and she said no, but I detected a great deal of sympathy in her voice so I asked her if she had ever read To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf and when she said yes, I said I was surprised since most people had never heard of that book and so then I asked her what did she think the boar’s skull symbolized and she said she didn’t remember that part of the book, so I explained it at length, giving appropriate citations from the text and this impressed her so much she was literally so speechless her jaw dropped when I asked for her email address so I could send her a paper I had written about Virginia Woolf while still doing undergraduate work. She must have appreciated the offer because she put her hand on her head and exclaimed “sweet mother of God.” Yes, I think it made a great impression and I may have recruited a new member for the club.

Unfortunately, she looked at her phone, said she had just received a message that her grandmother was dying and she got up and literally ran out the door. She left her danish on her plate and so I finished it for her.

Anyway, hope to see you at our next monthly meeting.

Ah, my dear Jefferson Q. Pursedirt, most esteemed pet praying mantis!

How wondrous it is to have you in my humble abode, gracing me with your presence and your bug-eyed charm. Though your life may be brief, fear not, for I shall shower you with affection like no other creature has ever witnessed.

Oh, Jefferson, my little mantis of mischief, I must confess the lengths to which I've gone to spoil you. The other day, I caught myself knitting a tiny waistcoat with embroidered lace of the dog's finest tail hair, fit for a mantis of your distinguished stature. I enjoy trips to the garden to cater to your every whim, providing you with an array of freshly caught flies and delicately plucked aphids and 'rolli-pollies'.

You should see the looks of envy from the neighboring ants as they march by, their tiny antennae twitching in disbelief at your luxurious surroundings.

A minuscule gazebo in the garden just for you, complete with a miniature orchestra of grasshoppers playing sweet symphonies to serenade your delicate ears will be how we spend our late summer nights.

My dear Jefferson, I am convinced that if Charles Darwin himself were to witness your pampered existence, he would revise his theories on natural selection. "Survival of the fittest?" Nay, my mantis friend, it should be "Survival of the most adored and indulged."

Your lifespan, alas, is but a fleeting moment in the grand tapestry of time. And yet, every second spent with you, my green-winged companion, is a treasure beyond measure. I shall cherish each gaze into your compound eyes, each tap of your spiky forelimbs on my glasses when as you explore my hair, as if you were the rarest jewels in the crown of Queen Victoria herself.

So, fear not, Jefferson, for though your life may be short, it shall be a life filled with love and extravagance, fit for a mantis of noble lineage. You may be spoiled, my dear friend, but let it be known that spoiling you brings me immeasurable joy. Together, we shall make a mark in history, as the duo who defied the conventions of pet-keeping and embraced the absurdity of it all.

So, rest easy, Jefferson Q. Pursedirt, for your days in my care shall be the epitome of indulgence and hilarity. Let the world marvel at the bond between human and mantis, and let our laughter echo through the ages, reminding all who hear it that even the tiniest creatures can bring immense joy and mirth.

Here's to you, my dear mantis friend, may your days be filled with laughter- your legs never tire from leaping into the arms of adventure and you always enjoy attempted fighting with the dogs!

There's something funny about seeing the poorly chopped hair,

Black eyeliner bleeding down under my eyes and smeared at the corners,

Fingers rubbed away at tears once had.

Horrible jesters of death,

Life could have been so much worse.

So here I see them, talk about them, and remember when I was them.

The studded belts, bracelets, wanton for face piercings, and teased dyed black hair.

The horribly cringe text messages with 'XXDDDD' as if to somehow show I was laughing, laughing as much as if I was in a full fit when I only sat there and chuckled under my breath.

Breathing in words, loving curses and all things dark and evil. You'd think I was the embodiment off all things anti-Christ, but I was just some devil of a teen with a keen eye for anything black with a twisted and sinister nature behind it. Loving the expression of death and all things progressive.

Singers screaming till their voice goes hoarse into the mic,

promises of loving each other even after death.

Engaging the Killswitch,

Singing of the Black Parade.

I'm sure more controversy could be made,

but the funnier parts are all that is left to be laid out to rest before me in albums stretched far and wide over the span of a decade of my life.

The 'Emo Phase' and how it aged.

Oh, how I turn away from the photos.

Smile and laugh at myself, cover the photo and pretend to be unaware.

To act like that would ever happen again.

Hell no.

And I know that the emo phase was hardly a phase, but the style was.

The dress was and I found a more mature way, an alternative just like to the rock, to show my goth and punk sides just the way I want.

She called herself witty and yet she never said one thing of wit.

Which made her entire being seem almost counterfeit.

But what never made sense was that ironically the less wit she possessed made her seem all the more comical.

And I know that seems illogical.

Her words always felt like they were funny but the truth was that no one ever was laughing at her speech.

Though that truth they would never breech.

Rather they were laughing at her.

And the words that passed out of her mouth like a blur.

The dim-witted humor was almost charming.

Half her jokes were rather alarming.

It wasn't what she said more like how she said it.

Rather it was when she said it.

Like the time she tumbled down a flight a steps when a joke fell flat, pun most definitely intended.

It wasn't what she said, it was mostly how she looked.

Her earrings always unhooked.

Crooked glasses.

Speech as slow as molasses.

Broken smile.

Clothes always old never in style.

Tall red socks and polka dot shoes.

A pocket full of the blues.

Everyone always seemed to laugh with her.

Even though she was clearly an amateur.

And so one day it all got in her head.

As aforesaid.

Next thing she knew she was standing on stage with a microphone in her hand.

Somehow in high-demand.

I always believe it was just all a sort of manifestation.

Which I say in vexation.

She spoke her humor into existence.

Only taking the path of least resistance.

Her corny jokes she spoke never really realizing that she was the bud of every joke.

There was Vashonah

Philistine Friseur

Coiffeur extraordinaire

in time when what was on the head

was more important than what was in it

a heritage Phillistine, a treasure to cherish

with model Delilah at its top

There was Hasmoneh

Jewish Friseur

Barbier, Haarschnitt exemplified

at days when Jews

not knowing yarmulkas

cherished the waves God gave them on the skull

with model Samson to be had at all costs.

Heathen Egypti

mother of pearls, perfumes, pomades, and other women's descent into hell

celebrated hair temple

inviting the world

Vashonah and Hasmoneh too

to their concern

Samson and Delilah, there travailed

bathed and dressed in warnings of dire

and had sex

with hair unruffled

and fight

"Your wave of hair is an affront to Herrenfrieseur in and Schonheitsalon"

adamantine Delilah bellowed

"No Bader, no Barbier wird schnitt the cat you have on your skull!" enforced Samson his solution. And as he could break the temple they were sleeping in, she shut up; forced.

Samson, from all pomades and perfumes dizzy fell on the sleep floor. Delilah, Haarkunstler's extreme, could not allow affront to her Bader school of Friseur to continue and cut the revolting curls.

And that is how

the 27-year Barbier war between the Philistines and Jews did begin.

© Jun 29

Please comment if you read!!

Set in the early 1980s, in an apartment in Manhattan. Centered around the lives of four fifteen year old friends: ALEX, ROSE, DAPHNE, and JOHN.

ALEX, ROSE, and DAPHNE are sitting in JOHN’s apartment.

JOHN comes in from his bedroom wearing hideous, pink, large glasses.

JOHN: I’m rejecting contacts.

ALEX: Weird.  I only reject ugly girls

Laugh track

JOHN: My eyes are rejecting my contacts.  And these are the only glasses I could find.  I’m blind without my glasses.

ROSE(smirking): Suddenly I wish I was blind.

Laugh track

DAPHNE: Where did you get those anyway, JOHN?  Your great-great grandmother’s book club?

Laugh track

JOHN: Very funny, DAPHNE. I’ve had them since I was six.  I haven’t been wearing glasses since I was eleven, they’re all I could find.

ALEX: I’ll be back in a second.

Alex gets up leaves

ROSE: Where’d ALEX go?

DAPHNE: Don’t know.

ALEX comes back with an old fashioned camera

He takes a photo of JOHN.

JOHN: No way, get rid of that!

ALEX: Not a chance.

ALEX runs out with the camera, JOHN following.

Laugh track

Opening credits

Cut to DAPHNE’S kitchen. Her mother, Hailey, and her father, Adam are there with her twin sisters, Ashley and Ariana

ADAM YANG: DAPHNE, can you watch the twins tonight?  We are going out for our anniversary.

DAPHNE: Sure.

She picks up her sisters

DAPHNE: We are going to have a lot of fun.  We’ll go through magazines, try out the best hairstyles.  Buy some of the clothes.  Doesn’t that sound like fun?

ASHLEY and ARIANA don’t react.

HAILEY YANG: I’m so excited.  What do you want for breakfast, honey?

DAPHNE: Um toast.

MRS. YANG: I can’t wait for tonight.

She kisses her husband.

DAPHNE mocks vomiting.

DAPHNE: You know I’m not hungry anymore.

Laugh track.

Cut to: in an English classroom.  Many students are there including ROSE, DAPHNE, ALEX.  The teacher is talking.

TEACHER: Class, we are having a new student, who will come in later.  CLAYSON is showing her around. We will be starting our new assignment, for which you’ll need partners.

PATRICK REEDY(To ROSE): Want to partner?

ROSE: Oh, sure.

JOHN walks in with a girl, SARINA.

TEACHER: Class, this is SARINA BALMER.  You may remember her, she used to live here.  She moved to Brazil.

SARINA waves and the class waves back.

TEACHER: I was just about to explain the assignment.  You both can partner.

ROSE leans over to whisper something to JOHN.

ROSE(whispering): SARINA BALMER?  Your ex-girlfriend.

A pretty girl, MAY, is sitting next to ALEX.

MAY: Hi, ALEX.

ALEX: Hi.

MAY: Are you free this weekend?

ALEX:I definitely am.

M: Want to go out with me.

A: You mean like a date.

M: Yeah what else would I mean

Laugh Track

A: Is that even a question?  Heck yeah I want to go on a date with you.

M: So I’ll see you on Saturday.

A: Oh, I will be there, baby.

Laugh track

The teacher explains the assignment and it cuts to later.

DAPHNE and ROSE are sitting in DAPHNE’s living room.

DAPHNE: PATRICK asked you to be partners?  But it’s me  that’s liked him since fifth grade!

ROSE: Believe me I know, he’s all you talked about for five years.

Laugh track.

Flashback to fifth grade DAPHNE and ROSE.

YOUNG DAPHNE: Rose, look, it’s PATRICK!  Isn’t he so cute?

YOUNG ROSE: Meh

D: One day I am going to be Mrs. Patrick Reedy.  Daphne Yang-Reedy.  Or should it be Daphne Reedy?

Laugh track

YOUNG DAPHNE: He’s a complete dream.

Cut to:

Switch back to the present day.

DAPHNE: And now you’re partners!

ROSE: Oh, it doesn’t mean anything.  We’re just doing an History assignment together.  What about JOHN and SARINA?  They dated, remember?

D:That doesn’t mean anything.  JOHN loves you.

R: I know but they have history. One year of history.  A whole year.

D: It seems like a lot now, but when you’re 83 and dying one year will seem like 10 seconds.

Laugh track

ROSE: Yeah I guess and anyway like I said it’s an English project.  You’re partnered with ALEX, I’m partnered with PATRICK, JOHN’s partnered with um-you know-her.

Laugh track

Gertrude, an extremely rude, annoying, and insensitive teenage girl walks in.

She screams annoyingly.

D: You hear it so often but it never gets less annoying.

Laugh track

GERTUDE: ROSE, you will never believe what I just heard?  John is back together with SARINA!

ROSE: He is not.  They’re partners for an assignment.  They’re just business partners not life partners.

GERTRUDE: For now.  This is the start.  Remember how devastated he was two months ago when she left.  He cried.

DAPHNE: According to him he had allergies.

Laugh track

GERTRUDE: This is the start to something amazing.  Not really the start though more the resume of something.  One day they can get married and have lots of babies.  And name their first daughter Gertrude Jr.

Laugh track

ROSE: They’re going to get married?

DAPHNE: There’s going to be a Gertrude Jr?

Laugh track

GERTRUDE: I mean I personally wanted to see JOHN and Daphne, but he can settle for SARINA.

ROSE: What about JOHN and me?

GERTRUDE: Oh you’re just not the right fit in my opinion.  He’s so handsome and you're too ugly for him.

Laugh track

ROSE: Do you even hear yourself talking?

Cut to:Wiliam ATWOOD and his fiance, Nella’s apartment. They are planning their upcoming wedding.

NELLA: I think caviar would make a good appetizer for the wedding.  And for the main dish Oysters.

ATWOOD: There’s going to be kids there!  Kids don’t want to eat caviar, and frankly neither do I!

Laugh track.

NELLA: Fine what do you think we should serve?

ATWOOD: Chicken wings and pizza.  Easy and everyone’ll eat it!

NELLA: No way!  Everyone will get grease and sauce all over their nice clothes.

ATWOOD: I’d rather get grease on me than raw fish eggs!

Laugh track.

NELLA: Serving pizza at a wedding is so tacky.

ATWOOD: Serving caviar at a wedding is so high maintenance.

NELLA: It’s my wedding.  I want to be special and important one day of my life.

ATWOOD: It’s my wedding too. I want to relax and have fun one day of my life.

NELLA: I am not eating pizza, I’m getting married, not going to a football game.

Laugh track

NELLA: Let’s take a vote.  We’ll go around and ask everyone what they would rather have.

ATWOOD: Fine.

They run over to ROSE’s apartment where her parents, RHONDA and RYDER are sitting.

NELLA: RHONDA, would you rather have pizza or caviar at the wedding?

RHONDA: Caviar, it’s fancy.  It’s your wedding. You should keep it classy.

RYDER: No, that stuff is too fancy.  Keep it casual and something everyone will eat.  Pizzas a standard.

ATWOOD: Thank you.  It’s settled, pizza.

NELLA: It’s a draw, you idiot.  We need a tie-breaker.

ATWOOD: Fine let’s go to Mrs Gibson upstairs.

They leave the apartment.

ATWOOD: Honey, don’t you think it’s a little silly to go around taking a vote?  I mean what is this the presidential election?

Laugh track

NELLA: Yeah, you’re right.  How about we serve chicken?

ATWOOD: Sounds good to me.

They kiss

Cut to: Later that night, DAPHNE’s apartment.  ALEX and DAPHNE are working on their project

ALEX: So how do you feel about SARINA coming out of nowhere? I mean ROSE didn’t seem to be happy.

DAPHNE(sarcastically): Big surprise.

Laugh track

Cut to JOHN’s apartment.  He is fiddling around, visibly nervous.  He adjusts the furniture.

The doorbell rings.

He goes and answers opening to SARINA dressed in a red dress completed with matching lipstick.

JOHN: Holy Ravioli!

Laugh track.

SARINA giggles.

JOHN: A little overdressed aren’t we?

SARINA: Only the best for you, my JOHN.

She kisses him on the cheek.

Cut to:

ROSE’S apartment.  She is sitting with PATRICK

PATRICK: Want to do the assignment.

ROSE: Yeah.

They sit down and start work.

PATRICK: So is it true?  Are you really dating JOHN CLAYSON?

ROSE: Yeah, it’s true, why?

PATRICK: What do girls see in Clayson?

ROSE: He’s nice, smart, funny. . .

PATRICK: I’m nice, smart, and funny.

ROSE:P, I like John.  And I couldn’t like you even if I wanted to.  Daphne likes you and she’s my best friend.

PATRICK: But I don’t like DAPHNE.  I like you, Rose.

ROSE: Let’s just do the assignment

They start writing and compare different books for a little while.

Some time passes.

They are finished.

ROSE: Finally.

PATRICK kisses her just as DAPHNE walks in.

She pulls away disgusted.

DAPHNE: How could you do this to me?

She runs out.

ROSE: How could you do this to me?

She runs after her.

DAPHNE’s apartment, DAPHNE is sitting on her bed.

ROSE: DAPHNE.

DAPHNE: I don’t want to hear it.  You knew he liked me.  But you had to go and kiss him.  What did I ever do to you?

ROSE: DAPHNE, I didn’t kiss him.

DAPHNE: Don’t lie!  I have great eyesight.  The vision test is the only test I’ve ever gotten a perfect score on!

Laugh track.

D: You broke the first law on the girl constitution.  Never kiss your friends crush or dad

Laugh track

ROSE: He kissed me.  I didn’t want to, really.  He said he liked me and–

DAPHNE: Of course he liked you.  Everyone always likes you.

ROSE: That’s not true.

Tears form in DAPHNE’s eyes.

DAPHNE: Remember CARSON CLUTTERBUCK.

ROSE: How could I forget?

Laugh track.

ROSE: DAPHNE, if there’s one thing I’ve ever learned, it’s don’t take the word of CARSON CLUTTERBUCK.

Laugh track

DAPHNE: It’s just not fair.  You are smart, funny and beautiful.  And so many guys like you.  And JOHN he loves you.  Sometimes I wonder if I will ever meet anybody for me.  I get jealous of all those people who have a special somebody

R: You’ll find someone I promise. You’re fifteen. You have years ahead of you.

They both hug.

DAPHNE: I just worry because you have John and I have no one.  And one day you’ll both forget about me and I’ll be all alone.  I don’t want to lose you because you're my best friend and I love you.

She starts crying

ROSE: That is never going to happen.  No matter who and I mean anyone in this world comes I will always be your best friend.  I love you and no one can change that.  No one can come between us, DAPHNE, no one.   I love you

DAPHNE: I love you too.

They both hug

ROSE:  I get jealous too.  Johns with his ex-girlfriend.  I worry so much that he’s going to find someone better than me.

DAPHNE:Honey, he loves you.  He never ever looked at SARINA the way he looks at you.  He will always love you.  And so will I.

ROSE: Thanks

They both hug

Cut to:

JOHN’S apartment

SARINA: So now we’re all done, want to have some fun?

JOHN(A little nervous): Are you saying writing History papers isn’t fun?

Laugh track.

She leans over and kisses his cheek.

SARINA: Remember Valentine’s Day?

Cut to a Flashback Valentine's Day, 11-year-old JOHN and 11-year-old SARINA are sitting .

John is holding a rose.

JOHN: SARINA, will you go out with me?

SARINA: Yes I will.

Cut to:

A fancy restaurant, La Chic, 11-year-old SARINA is wearing a dress and 11-year-old JOHN is in a suit.

JOHN: I love you.

SARINA: I love you

She comes over and slides into his side of the booth.

Cut to present day:

SARINA: That was a school-famous date.  You were the most romantic person I’ve ever met.

JOHN: What can I say, the ladies do dig me.

Laugh track.

SARINA: Come on, JOHN.  What happened?

JOHN: I got a girlfriend.  And I love her.

SARINA: Remember the night I left?

Flashback to a year ago JOHN’s apartment.  He is sitting watching something on TV.

SARINA walks in.

SARINA:JOHN?

JOHN jumps startled.

JOHN: Holy Ravioli!

Laugh track.

JOHN: SARINA, you scared me.

He turns off the TV and gets up to her.

SARINA: I have some bad news.

JOHN: Oh no, did your mom eat bad chili again?

Laugh track.

SARINA: My family and I are moving to Brazil.

JOHN: What?

SARINA: We leave tonight.  My dad found a better job.  His company’s transferring him and there’s a huge jump in the salary.

JOHN: You’re leaving the country tonight?

SARINA nods.

JOHN: But what’ll happen to us?

SARINA: I don’t know.

JOHN: I don’t know what to say.  I’ll miss you so much.

Tears form in JOHN’s eyes.

SARINA: JOHN, are you crying?

JOHN: No, I’m not crying.  It’s–an allergic reaction.

SARINA: To what?

JOHN: Um–he looks around–the microwave.

Laugh track.

SARINA: You’re allergic to microwaves?

JOHN: Yes, terribly allergic.  Um–

He fake sneezes.

Laugh track

SARINA: Um-God  Bless You?

JOHN: I might never see you again.  I’ll miss you.

SARINA: I’ll miss you too.

They kiss.

SARINA: John, I don’t know what to do.  I miss you so much already, and I’m still here.  It hurts thinking about it.  We had a future together.  We had us.

JOHN: I know.  It’s so sudden.  You didn’t know?

She shakes her head.

SARINA: I found out today.  I didn’t know how to tell you.  What’s going to happen, JOHN?

JOHN: I don’t know.  When will you come back?

SARINA: I don’t know.  It could be a month, a year, ten.

JOHN: So it’s over?  I can wait for you.

SARINA: I mean, JOHN, we have to move on.  We can’t keep waiting for something that might never happen.

SARINA sniffles.  A tear pours down her face.

JOHN: This wasn’t supposed to be how it went.  I mean SARINA, I was ready to grow old with you.

SARINA: Me too.

A beat

SARINA: I love you.

JOHN: I love you too.

They hug

Cut to present day.

SARINA: You missed me so much.  You even cried.

JOHN: I did not cry!  I had an allergic reaction to the microwave!

Laugh track.

A beat.

SARINA: Don’t you miss us?

JOHN hesitates.

JOHN: Look, SARINA, when you moved to Brazil, I missed you.  I really did.  But I moved on.  I’m with Rose now.  I love her.

SARINA: But I can give you things ROSE could never.  We have history.  We dated for a year. You and Rose have dated for a month.

JOHN: Maybe.  But I don’t want those things.  I love ROSE.  You’re a great girl SARINA, just not a great girl for me.  I’m sorry.

SARINA: I’m sorry too.

A beat.

SARINA: JOHN, you were ready to spend the rest of your life with me.  And I was ready to grow old with you.  If I didn’t leave last June, would you still love me?

JOHN: I don’t know.  Look I don’t know what could’ve happened.  But I do know what did happen.  I can’t change the past, and the truth is even if I could I wouldn’t.  I loved you.  But now I’m in love with someone else.  SARINA, the timing isn’t right.  But the truth is you’re amazing.  And it hurt me when you left.  And if it wasn’t for Rose I’d take you back.

SARINA: I was stupid coming here wasn’t I?  You love Rose.  I can see it in your eyes.  I love you, JOHN.  And honestly I didn’t come here to take Rose’s place.  You both are so happy, and all I really wanted to see was you happy.  I just wanted to know that maybe if it weren’t for Rose you would take me back.  That you loved me.

JOHN: I love you.

SARINA: I love you too.

They hug for a moment

SARINA: That’s all I wanted tonight.  I’ll go now.

JOHN nods.

SARINA leaves.

JOHN(muttering): Rose.

He gets up and runs to ROSE’s apartment.  He lifts her off her feet and kisses her.

DAPHNE:What happened between you and Brazilian Beach Body.

Laugh track.

A baby cries. DAPHNE leaves

ROSE: What did happen between you and Brazilian Beach Body?

Laugh track.

JOHN: Doesn’t matter.  Rose, you’re amazing.

ROSE: Thanks, but your not getting out of answering my question

Laugh track

JOHN: Nothing happened.  Look, ROSE, SARINA  is my past.  You are my present.  My present from GOD and you are the greatest gift I could ever have.  I love you

Audience Awwww

J: I love you.

ROSE: I love you too

They kiss again.

ROSE:I know it’s stupid.  But sometimes I worry what if you find someone better than me.  And I get jealous of Sarina. You were so happy together, John, you were ready to spend the rest of your life with her. It would have been so much easier if you ended things in a huge fight and hated each other. But you didn’t. Neither of you wanted to end things.  And  sometimes I worry what if you loved her more.

JOHN: ROSE, that’s not true.

ROSE: You wouldn’t have broken up with her if you didn’t have to. Our whole relationship started because you couldn’t have the girl you wanted. It wouldn’t have happened otherwise.

JOHN: Well, ROSE, it did happen. And I’m happy it did. Look, it doesn’t matter how we got here, it matters that we’re here now.

ROSE:Why do you always sound like a Hallmark card?

Laugh track

They sit on the sofa and kiss.

Cut to end

SARINA leaving the apartment.

She sees Patrick.

PATRICK: Hi.

SARINA: What are you doing here?

PATRICK: Nothing. This girl, Rose, picked this guy, JOHN, over me.

SARINA: Well, this guy, JOHN, picked this girl, Rose, over me.

They make out

End

Papi and my beloved, amazing sister Ellie is the reason I gladly check out from you people arguing politics on a somewhat daily basis. Depending just how many times we have to get in the car and yapyapyapyap-yap. Some people use humor, others, would flip you the bird. Ugh, I wish I had that kind of tenacity. It is so cool isn't it? But I use music. So, see you people in about a week.

Can't wait for the Fourth of July. I hope we go to my Tia's house. Or we could grill, either way let's do something! Good night. Mwah.