Scars on the Soul
Regrets are a byproduct of self-reflection.
To feel regret, we have to look at our past and go, "I wish I was better."
The problem is that some of us fail to realize we're only better now because of those experiences. It's as though we appreciate the lesson, but loathe the process it took to teach it.
To be honest, I have many regrets.
I regret my most embarrassing moments.
I regret my biggest failures.
I regret my shortcomings.
I regret that time and time again, I didn't try hard enough.
In life and love, in work and in play.
It's human to have regrets.
Regrets are scars on the soul.
They're the one sign that we're actually evolving.
My biggest regret of all is worrying about having regrets.
Instead of realizing it's human to regret.
No Rehash
There are things that I wished I had never ever done. I am grateful for living through some of the choices. I'm not talking addictions or abuse....just not great decisions on my part. I think if it wasn't for some of those poor choices, I wouldn't be who I am today. I truly feel bad about some of my decisions, especially those that may have hurt or disappointed others...The thing about regrets from your past - Satan attempts to use to screw up your present, and your future. If God does not hold them against me, who am I to not move past them? So, regrets, yep, I have had more than a few...but it's alright. I am grateful that they do not haunt my days or nights. Live, learn and move on.
If I could (repost)
"So, when are you gonna give me a grandson?" my dad asked at my wedding reception.
Everyone laughed. I rolled my eyes. I had no plans to have babies any time soon. I was still in graduate school; I had a career to begin. I had a husband to grow with before we added babies into the mix. I thought five years would be good.
August, a mere two years later, God and my husband agreed it was time. My dad was more excited than everyone.
I made plans to visit him during my Christmas break, but I cancelled a lunch date with him at his office to visit with my great aunt who was 92. I assumed I would have far fewer opportunities to visit with her than him.
One should never assume.
But I did surprise him that evening at his apartment. I hid when we saw him walking towards the apartment building. Minutes later, he walked in with a palpable heaviness of spirit and said, "She didn't come," to my stepmother. It broke my heart. I jumped out, "surprise," I screeched.
I know he was happy in the moment. He loved rubbing my little belly. But he had wanted to show me off to his colleagues.
I didn't know.
Four months later, two days before my son was born, my dad died. I was on bed rest from two weeks after I saw him at Christmas, and though he had been ill, I didn't know how seriously ill.
I was the only one who didn't. Indeed, when my husband visited him a month prior to his death, my dad, who had always been overweight, weighed some 95 pounds. He knew.
Two days before my son was born, my mom called and spoke to my husband. He left the apartment on some imagined errand to call her from a pay phone (I found out later) at which point she told him my dad had passed. They didn't want to upset me into labor, so he cried before he came home. Two days later, I gave birth and in the euphoric moments following, the doctor said, "By the way, your mom and husband didn't know how to tell you, but your dad died two days ago."
If I were to rewrite history, I still wouldn't have a baby earlier as much as I wish my dad could have held him just once.
That is not my greatest regret.
Rather, I would meet him at his job that Christmas holiday and happily let him lead me around the office to meet his colleagues...the same ones who four months later rented a bus so they could all attend his funeral...where my husband represented us both while I, preparing to leave the hospital, cradled my newborn son, and wept.
Twist the Wrist
I could turn back the hand,
twist it from open palm.
Hand pointed to sky,
and turn it over as if I was no longer to give in.
To close the door of opportunity where I thought I could question the validity of it.
Where I was young and naïve, trusting and wary,
I had placed faith in the long ones who's quarries were empty.
Should I have smacked away the hand that led me to ruin,
I would have freed myself much quicker than watched her burn to ruin.
Took away the life I live now,
A future that would never come to be.
A future I love, comfortable though I am here now.
But I would spared myself feelings of confusion,
doubt and the regret I feel now.
For letting her take me on the ride,
the ride on the long and dark road where everyone was the villain and she was the closest semblance I had to a lifeline.
She was a rope sheared short,
frayed from the start.
She was going to drop me in the well whether I liked it or not.
And so, had I turned my hand down to her longer ago now.
Had I brushed her off and she split off to chase the tail she has in hand now,
we might have both been happier.
Staved off the unwanted tempers,
the feelings of hatred long since past that I've grown out.
I am not her,
she is not I.
But we are not one in the same and the path I chose remained there,
while she fell off into some dark wood.
It is my mistake to stick my hand into the briar, to attempt to drag her out.
She wanted to lay there,
and she'd bade me to do the same.
I am glad I left.
Glad I was more sane.
I almost rolled with her.
And my regrets would have been worse rather than the same.
Everything Worse
the past haunts you. like a weight in your chest, always staying there, unmovable.
people regret a lot of things. maybe breaking up with a significant other or not spending enough time with loves ones.
sometimes it could be making the wrong decision and crashing into a car. or signing up for a job that turns out to be a nightmare.
maybe it's being angry at the wrong time.
exploding after bottling your emotions up. wrecking friendships, destroying your mental health and those around you. regretting opening up and revealing those feelings of anger. of getting mad. of hating everything.
of getting annoyed and causing a chain reaction of fights and shouts and making everything worse.