Empty of life’s breath,

I take a gulp of air

into my hollow essence

thirsting to fill

my concave valley

with sparkling drops

of silvered water

soothing me in tiny sips

beneath

my floundering surface.

I beg to fill my soul,

overcome by drumming heart,

scraped by sloughing skin,

bloodless ties

torn asunder,

ribbons of my sobs.

I incise my body

of my wounds,

swallow my need

and memories of you.

At last, I take another

gasp of breath

expelling space to fill

my lungs with inhaled

pulse of zephyrs

beginning anew

as wet cheeks are met

with loving hands

grasping me

in their calming heat.

It's odd

Swimming with people

They don't get that the only reason I get in the water is so that I can stay under

That all I want

Is to see spots in my vision

Because I have to hold my breath to feel how crisp the air on the surface is

I've held my breath one

Too many times before

When I was scared and

Hiding in the dark

Again when my love

Took his own life

But this time...

This time I hold my

Breath until you can

Tell me of your love

And I'm afraid this breath

Will finally kill me

If it's okay to hold my breath,

to show that I want to breathe,

Then maybe I'll walk out to the door

To show how much I don't want to leave.

Then afterwords I'll empty my fridge,

And give all my food away,

To show how much I value it,

How much I need it at the end of the day.

Is it okay to throw away,

Anything with value to me,

To show how much I want it,

As if it's the only way to see.

To see how much I treasure life,

And each breath I take,

Then maybe I'll just go to sleep,

And never again wake.

when blood spills on steel we may

hold our breath

when bad news hits hard,

maybe the dreaded word of death,

the c word for cancer,

the pycho ward,

the verdict,

our breath involuntary holds,

and so,

light headedness

the fainting spell

despite our will however strong

at times we hold our breath

it teaches us to know when we hold our breath its cool

to feel more alive,

reminds us well that's its okay to want again to breathe

our breath to hold by our will 

gives at times our desperate minds

to breathe again is cool

reminds ourselves a breath is precious still

consider those trapped underground

megatons of rock above,

with darkness deep profound

the panic suffocation chokes and gags

the spirit by the throat

a crippled airline flight

your withheld breath,

a freefall dive from miles above

high altitude of grief,

childhood pain,

five brothers on your chest

the panic fight, the muffled cry of fear,

the urgent need to take a breath ensues

hold your breath to challenged match

in underwater diver's plunge

until your lungs feel hot to burst

will make you feel alive

depression's weight on your soul

the pain despair withholds,

your wanting to breathe in

its ugly claws tears your heart and mind

kills you slowly at a time

suffocates your wanting to live on

you hold your breath crying out

in silent agony,

but soon enough you suck in air

for another try

another moment, however brief

of vital respiration

although you feel dead inside

you're somewhat glad you're still alive

your last moments on this earth

might make you love the last breaths that you take

for you hold and contemplate

the slow inhale,

slow exhale

when you by circumstance,

see a living picture come serene,

a mother holding baby to her breast

sunshine reflecting off a young girl's hair

walking on a foot path in early morning air

you might think you must have courage 

sometimes just to take another shallow breath

must have strength sometimes just to live another hour

as you slowly suck it all in

you make another deliberate inhalation

it may not be that you're afraid to die,

but more that you'd rather live

You don't know

how it feels when the moisture

evaporates inside me,

When my chest is crushed

and you say I'm faking it

as I hold my hand over my heart,

my ribs can't go wide enough.

I want to breathe.

I thank everyday,

because those times

when the attacks return

and I want to cry

because my sadness

collapses inside me,

I am glad I can breathe.

Choke

Remind yourself

To breathe

When it feels the air is squeezed

From your lungs

In, out, in, out

Remind yourself to breathe

To go on.