You're readying and packing your stuff because you have to leave tonight. 

You don't even remember casually mentioning to your mom the previous day about how you loved that favorite beans recipe and wished you could have more of it before you left; after all you don't get to eat that stuff when living on your own. Especially not something she cooked.

As you look for things you tick off the items in your packing list, you are called to the dining table for breakfast. 

"What?! When did you make this?! No. Wait! When did you get more beans and wash them and cook them too?!"

She only smiles. You see the little twinkle of happiness in her eye for fulfilling your wish. That innocence and that small tear forming somewhere near the corner of her eye as she knows you'll leave tonight. 

You insist on being fed by her, now that she made it so lovingly for you.

Little did you know that you were having her feed you the beans, heck, anything for the very last time.

#Bestday #Worstday #Life #Mom #Love #Food 

You're awakened from your slumber by a baby crying. The twins are in the connecting room, so you go into the room and pick up the one who's crying. You carry her with you to warm the milk, patting her back as the drink increases to the correct temperature on the stove.

Milk warmed, you set her in her carrier and place a folded blanket across her little legs, to assist her in holding the bottle while you attend to her sibling.

But as soon as you pick the other twin up, you know something's wrong, for she feels heavier than she should. When you see her face, the floor drops from under you and your whole world collapses, as her skin has a slight blue tinge to it, instead of the pinkish-red it had when you put her down.

Stifling a sob and refusing to believe what's in front of you, you grab the phone and barely manage to dial the police - your hands are shaking so - who then dial an emergency operator for you. When you're connected, you somehow stumble through giving your name, address, and phone number.

The Operator says someone's on their way and they instruct you on how to do CPR, which you learned to do in school last semester, but have forgotten in your state of panic. Your heart beating faster than you thought possible, you follow the steps, but grow more and more upset as it doesn't appear to be working, for your baby - your BABY! - is still blue and not breathing.

By the time the ambulance arrives, you're in tears, barely able to continue the CPR until an EMT takes over. The EMT's partner gets contact information for your husband and mother-in-law, then tells you which hospital they're going to. In a fog, you cry that you have no ride, can't you please go in the ambulance. They consent.

On the way to the hospital, you're still mostly in denial and there's a part of you that's praying for a miracle. You feel sick. Your heart is thumping, thumping, thumping, and your head won't stop pounding. You're barely able to breathe.

Please, God, you keep praying, please let my baby be okay. Please. Please!

At the hospital, you can't contain yourself; you're pacing in the waiting room, crying and praying. Fortunately, your other baby is sleeping, unaware of what's happening with her partner. When your husband arrives, all you can do is shake your head and cry. His strong arms, which usually comfort you so well, do nothing to quiet the pain now screaming in your soul.

When the doctor finally comes out - an hour, two hours, a day later, you don't know, as time seems to be moving slow, yet fast - you know from the look on his face that your baby is gone. When the doctor utters the confirming words, you collapse in a fit of tears.

Your husband has to hold you up when you go to say goodbye to your little girl, your beautiful baby who didn't even get to live her life, leaving much too soon. From that point on, everything about that day, about that month, about that year, becomes a blur that you scarcely remember even now, nearly 24 years later.

~~~~~~~~

** In remembrance of LaTasha Trinece High, who left this world much much too soon, on May 29th, 1993. She was 5.5 months old. **

You just sat there, like you didn't hear me.

So I repeated the question:

Tell me about the best day of your life.

You lifted your head and looked me in the eyes, a silent acknowledgement. You dropped your head again and fiddled with your fingers.

In a flat tone, you finally responded:

I can't. It hasn't happened yet.

You lifted your head and looked me in the eyes, a silent pleading to a question you never asked.

You rolled

Licked

Lit

Lips

Lungs

Inhaled

You heard him

Walk in (finally)

Weary

Weak

Wanting

You inhaled cannabis

Exhaled his fate

Extinguished the engagement

Exterminated the relationship

Extracted you

She thought the worst day of her life was finding out she was pregnant at 15.

What a bright and beautiful blessing that turned into!Children are never a mistake!

She thought the worst day was when her baby at four months meningitis got, brain surgery followed then Autism but not a lot.

So a blessing once again held true.

Lessons learned and time passed

Her worst day came when Mother passed.

Two months later her Great GrandMother too, and then in January Granny said "Adieu". That year was harsh.

The absolute worst so far has been

Finding her soulmates dead in the pasture.

Those She can't get past because they loved without conditions, without constraints and criticism. Their love was pure till the end

Her "brothers" my family always my friends.

The worst day of your life has no name. It has no date, it has no special marker, it serves no purpose. It just exists. But there's a memory. You can faintly remember. It wasn't the time you were struck down, your glasses falling into the puddle at your feet, or the time you dug the blade into your arm for the first time. It wasn't the moment where you learned how to cry in the silence of the night, or when the kids at school called your smile stupid and stomped on your books. No. It was the moment when you realized how quite alone you are. The worst day. When your friends started to leave you and you began to wonder if they were ever truly your friends in the first place. When someone you considered a friend, calls your parents about how you vent about them. The day you wanted to talk to someone and realized there was no one left to talk to. And of everything you've experienced it shouldn't be the worst-but it is.

You never thought it was going to happen to you, but here you are. He plays with your hair as you sit on his lap, smiling contentedly. You're both dressed in sweats and T-shirts, nothing special. "So, you wanna get married?" he asks you casually. You turn and kiss him playfully. "Of course," you reply.

#secondperson

You spoke with unpleasant words followed by more connecting words to form sentences of cold harsh criticisms. Yours is the mouth that spewed these poisonous syllables to the full. You brandished harsh descriptive passages like a sword cutting all the more with each emptying of your very vocal verbalizing of your sentiments.