Fred Baa Sheep was at the breakfast table as his wife, Ethel Baa-Baa Sheep sat his breakfast before him when he spoke up.

“Did you sleep well last night, Ethel?”

“I went out like a light, Fred. Why?”

“I couldn’t get to sleep right away and tossed and turned for the longest time until I tried something different and I musta went to sleep in no time cause I lost track after eleven.”

“Lost track? Eleven?”

“Yeah. I decided to count humans jumping over fences. I pictured them with baa-baa bad looking clothes on, and some were naked which was scarey. It was silly but it worked. Slept like a baa-baa baby.”

“Fred, that’s funny. We both know humans can’t just jump over a fence, they are so baa-baa bad at it.”

“I know. While I was counting, number eleven told me to stop counting and go to sleep. And I heard the first one who jumped, say, “This was fun. Maybe we can come back and do this again.”

“Fred, you have some of the strangest dreams, baa-baa baby.”

sheep always count People

in their sleep /

the number in front

the amount behind /

a quizzical fingering

held up /

to the eye

in a sycophant blind /

to better gauge

in which direction /

the wind ?

and where ?

oh where?

the backside ?

of the line?

in keeping with a

soporific mind /

the end goal

the genuine 

leathered 

hide /

and

patented idiot

question:

“How High?”

that bids the 

conscience:

“Goodnight!”

#dosheepcountpeople... #challenge

Why would sheep count humans? why would they care?

But if they did,

Would they just count the people that raise them

or would they count people everywhere?

Would they count the monsters that slaughtered their lambs

and wish someday would die?

or would they count the sweet little kids

that shared their cherry pie?

Why would sheep count humans? wouldn’t that give them a fright?

Humans raise them for their selfish deeds,

Humans are too scary to think about at night!

There are better things to count

like the clovers that grow on grass

or the number of wild birds sitting by the lake

or the number of tractors that pass.

Sheep could count the sunkissed marigolds

that grow near the meadow’s fence

or the horses prancing by, doing their happy dance.

They could count the flowers on forbs,

their favorite meal of the day

as the play and munch and chew

all their inflicted sorrows away...

There is no symmetry,

We do not mean to them

As they are to us.

They have no guilty

Conscience at all

Despite all the terrible,

Terrible things they’ve done,

So they lose little sleep

Over their bloody hands.

What sheep do

When sleep evades,

Is think of ways

To make that

Doomsday machine

Work just a bit better.

Sheep are ruthless perfectionists.

And they waste no time

On mere numerics.

Do sheep count people to help get to sleep?

Better yet,

Do toes sing of humans at the edge of their feet?

Beasts slumber simply, with minds well at rest

They don't know the pain of the sad, human pest

Paintings for blind men, music for the deaf

It's a pointless endeavour, that's not worth the test

I don't know if sheep count people, to help fall asleep

But I do know

Those meant to count sheep, think of questions like these.

“Go to sleep dear!

“But mom!” He protested,

Just pull the wool over your eyes!”

The young mother said,

“But mom,” He protested again,

“I’m not sleepy!”

“You’re mutton but trouble tonight!

No more lame-lamb excuses!”

She added, shaking her head,

“When is daddy coming home?”

He inquired,

She answered him,

“Your daddy is a ram-on-the-lam,

and won’t be back until the coast is clear, and the wolf has left the fold for greener pastures.”

“Now close your eyes and count humans, don’t be baaaaad, you need your sleep, so you can wake up wide-eyed and bushy-tailed!”

“Yes mom, he added sheepishly,

Then he closed his eyes...

“...one, ...two, ...three...”

(c) BAM

@harry_situation

She hadn't been able to sleep well in years. She stared at the ceiling, rolled over, stared at the wall, then rolled over and pressed her head into her pillow. She couldn't figure out why she couldn't fall asleep without taking her pills. She also couldn't understand the thoughts she had when she wanted to stop thinking.

Why didn't Lexie like me in third grade?

When did I last clean the cabinets?

Fries would be good right now.

Maybe I should just count sheep.

The dust on the cabinets has to be crazy.

Counting sheep keeps me awake.

Do sheep count people to help them sleep?

That's ridiculous. Sheep can't count.

Her doctor had suggested reading, but she liked it too much. She often thought about ideas for new books, but she knew they were no good. They were based on her thoughts at night so they wouldn't make sense.

But what if there was a book about sheep counting people? It would make a great children's book if nothing else.

Right?

Totally.

Those sheep won't know what hit them. They'll be so smart.

She finally drifted to sleep and dreamed of sheep counting people to try and fall asleep.

"Doctor," Winston exhaled, assuming the position on the psychiatrist's couch, "I feel sheepish admitting this, but I've been baaad baaad."

Dr. Churchill glanced at him over her glasses. "What did you do this time?"

Winston blushed, turning his ivory wool pink. He whispered. "I...I used up all of the pills ewe gave me. The insomnia's worse!"

The doctor stared at her patient. "I cannot possibly prescribe you a higher dose or allow you a refill yet-"

"But-"

"Shhh!...Shhh!...Have you ever considered counting people?"

"Counting? People? I...I-"

"You've never done it. Perhaps I should have suggested it sooner, but your blood levels alarmed me such that I thought the pills would be the best place to start. Now, I fear that you are getting severly dependent on them, so we much search for alternatives. I think that counting people will work nicely."

"Oh...oh...kay."

"It's very simple. You just picture the bipeds doing something mundane, like maybe going through the line at their grocers... Try it for one week and let me know how it goes."

ONE WEEK LATER:

"So", Dr. Churchill addressed her patient, "How did the people-counting go?"

"Fine...until the guy with the lamb chops went through the line!"

I hope they do because counting sheep has never worked for me. After the third or fourth sheep I always start trying to think of names for them as their wooly little bums pass through my head. Once they're named, I realize that I've become emotionally attached to them. Now fond of the flock, I decide that I will need a sheep dog to protect them. Then I have to think about what name I would give the sheep dog. Finally, I get stressed out about the responsibility that having an imaginary flock of sheep and an imaginary sheep dog adds to my life. Which makes it even harder to sleep. So yes, as far as I'm concerned they count people. If agonizing about their welfare keeps me awake at night, then the least they can do is count me's when trying to go to sleep.

AI, being what it is,

And robots being more human

At a significantly impressive rate,

Questioning if sheep count people

Seems less relevant than questioning

If sheep exist at all.

What if P K Dick was right,

And robots dream of electric sheep,

And humans,

Who count such things

Know there are not enough sheep to count,

Even in imaginary fields.

And what if the sheep,

Having read Animal Farm

And Oryx and Crake,

Know better than to limit their dreams

To the misguided world

The people have created.

It would be a better use

of ovine talent,

and time,

to count the rails in the foldings,

and hope for a talented non-AI shearer,

with bandaids.