There Was Once...
Often, I wonder
Why do I give up so much of my self,
Sacrifice happiness just within reach,
All for others
Deep down, I know most
Will never return it,
My efforts brushed aside,
Merely a girl that was once there
I spurn myself, doubt my heart,
Submerge into crushing despair,
All for others
Deep down, I know most
Will not remember it,
My struggles forgotten with time,
Merely a girl that was once there
I slice into my own skin,
Crimson blood gushing forth,
Staining the pure white of my clothes,
All for others
Deep down, I know most
Will not care,
My offerings drained away,
Merely a girl that was once there
Am I Enough?
Am I enough?
Have I tried too much?
It is working?
I can't see.
I stumble and fall. Blind.
I'm lost.
I have no idea.
What do I do?
Where do I go?
Where am I?
Who am I?
I wander.
I am alone.
Why am I lonely?
Where did they go?
Did I do something wrong?
I want to go home.
Am I trying?
Do they see it?
Is it working?
I don't know.
Poor Pondering Habits
I often think, “What was I thinking?”
Followed by, “Why did I say it out loud?”
And ending with, “Wait, how did you interpret that as a good idea??? I was joking!”
This happened often in college, with open fires and late night bus trips, all inspired by poor pondering habits.
Be careful what you question out loud.
Questions
I question everything in life,
From why I think what I think,
To why I'm even here to begin with.
What's the point?
Right?
"Why do we exist?" I'll ask myself.
We all fall own eventually,
Life is a game that nobody wins,
Isn't that right?
My questions will always be left unanswered,
For there is no way,
To ease,
My wandering mind.
Am I? Do I?
Am I worth it?
Am I worth loving?
Am I worth caring for?
Do I deserve to live?
Do I deserve to be loved?
Do I deserve happiness?
Questions upon questions around my worth always tend to bounce around in my head. For years I would've told you I hadn't found the answer, and sometimes to this day, I feel like I haven't. But the reality is, I will always be worth it, worth the love and care that others can give me as well as the love and care I give myself.Also, I do deserve life and happiness and love. Just because my life doesn't match my timeline doesn't mean that I'm doing anything wrong, that I'm not worth it, or that I don't deserve a life. It means I need to be patient and wait. All things given to you at a bad time will be a stumbling block in the quest to love yourself, and I understand that now.