An incredible coincidence it was, that she should show up now. My dog General Sherman and I had just been hoping, praying and wishing for anything that might add some Cajun spice to a boiled chicken day when the knocker sounded on the door...

General Sherman showed her in. Beautiful she was, dark-haired and dark-eyed, just like the Hunk-papa Sioux Motorcycle Cowgirl Goddess I had spent the morning pining for. Sherman eyed her distastefully, seeing in her a threat to any hope he had left for an afternoon fishing excursion. With a low growl he returned to his chair by the window, and to his e-copy of “Show Dogs Illustrated.” My attention returned to her. Her shorts were short, her boots tall, her bikini top revealing. I could imagine my neighbor Clyde’s consternation when this All American Beauty rumbled her Harley up my drive.

She purred rather than speaking, her words like warm syrup over powdered-sugar, huckleberry pancakes. “Your dreams called me here,” she cooed. “Now that you have me, whatever will you do with me, Big Daddy?”

And she knew my nickname! “Do you mean that you will do anything I ask you to do without question? Anything I want???“ I could hardly contain my excitement! I closed my eyes, and could almost feel the yank on my rod already!

She licked her lips seductively while looking me over head-to-toe, obviously liking what she saw. “Yes, Lover. Anything... and everything. How and where do you want me?”

Unbelieving of my good fortune, I ripped the list from my pocket with trembling hands. “Oh Yes! Thank you Lord!” I hoped upon hope that my neighbor Clyde would see this. What a “one up” it would be! I looked at her hopefully, “Do you have any qualms with getting busy outside? So the neighbors can watch?”

“Oh! You are a dirty boy. No, Sugar-britches... I love to do it in the grass!”

My God! The perfect woman! “All right then, you can start with the mowing. The mower, string trimmer and blower are in the shed out back. The light bulbs in the eaves need to be changed. You’ll need the ladder for that. It is also in the shed, you’ll need to move a bunch of stuff to get to it, though. The shrubs need to be trimmed, and the driveway needs to be sealed... say... just how long are you going to be here anyways, cause Pooky-Bear is wanting the shutters painted, too? Don’t just stand there, Dream Woman... get crackin’!”

“Come Sherman, I’ll get the tackle in the boat, you fill the cooler!“

Sing along with us, if you know the tune!!!

Now... get to work half-naked lass,

The wife won’t let the chores get past

But... now we have a free hall pass

We can fish and still mow grass

Here... last is first and first is last

Thanks to the wish on a genie’s glass

So... bite the hook you fargin’ bass,

Huck and Gen’ral Sherman are after your...

Their name, unimportant,

Their gender, equally so,

I just need someone who I can rant about my writing

24/7 someone who can listen.

To withstand my pushes.

I push you away, I push you away,

But I need you to stay, I need you to stay.

What would happen if you

Showed up at my doorstep one day?

I would slam the door in your face

And so begins the race

Can you catch up to

This lonely heart?

If not, then gone you will stay.

And I will wait,

Staring out the window each day.

The coffee shop was full of low chattering, keyboard clicking, and pleasent jazz music on the overhead speakers. I was enthralled in the newest Jim Butcher book while contemplating why he can churn out books fairly quickly, but for some reason Rothfuss and Martin have ten year hang ups?

"What are you reading?"

I hadn't noticed her come up. She was beautiful. I won't go into her shiny brown hair pulled back in a relaxed ponytail, or the way she wore the vintage "Last Unicorn" T-shirt unashamedly, and that she seemed to keep herself in a comfortable, yet healthy shape.

Despite her sudden arrival throwing me out of my mind space, I was quick on my feet with a reply.

"Ah...book. Wizards and stuff."

See? Smooth as ice.

"Awesome, I love wizards and stuff." She slipped into the chair in front of me. I noticed a tatoo on her arm that was a long katana with the words, "There can be only one!" artfully written beneath the blade. The quote "It can't rain all the time" from the movie, "The Crow" was tattooed on her other wrist.

"Do you mind if I read with you?" She pulled out a copy of The Princess Bride.

Suddenly that one song, "Marry me," by Train started to echo in my head and the lights dimmed except for where she sat. My heart stopped and sped up at the same moment. Honestly it was painful, but in the best way possible.

I mean, I didn't know anything about her, but I knew the fact she was talking to me was a good sign, looking at me was even better, not to mention the immediate common interests blatantly displayed in the most convinent way possible.

She was literally someone I could only have created in my dreams and here she was in front of me, ready to begin a wonderful fantastic life!

I put my book down, sipped my coffee, and looked at the empty chair in front of me.

I sighed.

"Well, maybe someday," I muttered. I picked the book back up and continued reading.

“I cheated on you!” Her face buried in her hands; she can barely face him.

“YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH!” He grabs his helmet and walks out the front door.

Two minutes later, there is a knock at the door. She’s expecting it to be him, so her choice words never made it out her mouth when she saw who it really was at the door.

“Hey, I heard the noise I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

There he is his dreads tied overtop his head. Tendrils dangle over his face. “Oh, yea he’s no longer a problem of mines.”

“You have a cup of sugar?” He extends a measuring cup presenting it in front of her.

She escorts him inside; she yells from the kitchen. “Why do you need sugar again?”

“I’m baking a cake” he wears a smirk on his face.

“how long have we been neighbors?” his feet lounging on the coffee table.

“I don't really know.” she leaves the kitchen a smile coming with her.

“well here's your sugar for your um...cake”

He removes himself from the couch in front of her.

“you guys entirely—if you're taking any candidates I can make up for–.”

They are face to face his palms kiss her cheeks. She is living every inch of this fairytale come true.

“I think about you every day...I think about you as mines loving you inside and out, making you scream my name.”

Sugar gathers on the floor as he removes the cup from her hands. Elevating her in the air onto him, they land on the couch. She positions herself on the couch, ready and open for him to insert all of his premature love dripping from his manhood.

His tongue searching for her lips, he spreads them apart like the red sea. Her creamy interiors ooze with pleasure sliding from his lips.

“Hey, babe, can you bring me a beer, please.” she is ripped out of her fantasy.

“Sure babe come on Spot.”

I was restless. Tired of waiting for the doorbell to chime. Waiting for the next guy to walk into my life. I say that as if I were an old hand - as if I had many guys in my past. Actually there had only been a few, and none of them staying for very long. But I was hoping that this one would be it. The big one. The one that fixes everything, puts my life on track, and makes me feel... okay.

I don't think I had felt okay for a while at that point.

I had a pretty good idea what I would see on the other side of that door. 'The perfect guy'. Or someone vaguely resembling that picture of him I had in my head, just enough that I could put faith in him to be what I thought I wanted. I was so clueless about what was actually waiting for me when I answered the door.

It was me. I was on the other side of my door. Now I know what you're thinking: narcissist alert. This girl opens the door to her perfect lover and it's... herself???

Actually it was a mirror, and the mirror had a note.

Dear Jess,

You don't really need me, you need her.

You can't meet me without meeting her.

You can't know me without knowing her.

You can't accept me without accepting her.

And most importantly,

You can't love me without loving her.

I can't wait for that to happen.

So I looked at the mirror again, and I started getting better.