I was sleeping in my bed when noise woke me up, I got scared and went to my mom's bedroom. The door was open and on them was red stain. "Mommy", I jumped on bed but nobody was there, bed was wet so I went to the bathroom.

"Mommy", still nothing. I was crying because I could not find my mommy. When I arrived by the bathroom door the same stain was there.

"Mommy", I cried.

"Yes.", I finaly hear her voice, "Come here my son."

"Yes, mommy.", I entered the bathroom and there I found my mommy in a tub covered in red. There was man beside her holding her arm.

He was tall and dark, he had black eyes and the man didn't even moved.

"Mommy.", I wanted to hit the man that was hurting my mommy. "Run Jack, run.", my mother screamed, the man started running grabing me.

"Mommy.", the man grabbed me and took me to the kitchen. He took the knife from the stand. I didn't say anything he stabbed me in my little body and I screamed and cried. There was so much red colour on me.

"Why won't you die?", the man asked me. I just cried and cried, I was getting cold and tired. The man stopped and just tosed me on the floor he started kicking me and I just becomed more tired.

"Mommy", darkness.

It’s cold in the cellar, but it keeps the stench down. I hate walking the first three steps to the switch, not ‘cause I’m afraid of the dark - I’m 15 now - but ’cause I hate seeing the mess when the light comes on. Ma always says chores before dinner, but I wish they could wait.

I go down and pick up the mop, sloshing soapy water towards the drain in the floor. I asked Ma ‘bout gettin’ one of those little roombas, but she says they won’t work on cement.

There’s a hum from the old cooler and a hiss from the old boiler. They used to scare me. Then I imagined ‘em like old war buddies, hot versus cold. When I was younger I used to talk to ’em while I cleaned. But I’m 15 now and don’t need imaginary friends.

I don’t need real friends, neither. I play online every now and then. Ma didn’t like the Internet at first, but then I showed her how I could order even groceries for delivery. If Ma hates anything more than the Internet, it’s havin’ to deal with other people.

She doesn’t have to deal with ‘em too much. I take the bus to school. When we get stuff delivered I answer the door. She only goes out maybe once or twice a month now. I’m gettin’ my driver’s permit soon and once I do, heck, she may never go out again. I imagine the smooth lines of the highway as I mop the floor, swishing about. Once I can drive, I can take care of real chores - less cleanin’ too.

As I finish with the floor I move to the workbench and wipe it down. The wood splinters, but I’m careful. I wear gloves. I learned the hard way when I was younger, and cut myself. Ma threw a fit, talkin’ bout infections and all. She hates hospitals too. Me, I don’t mind hospitals. I think they get a bad rap. They do tough work that nobody wants to deal with, or see. Sometimes I feel the same way.

Ma tells me not to worry about the future, though. Just keep workin’. One day I think maybe I’ll work at a hospital. Not sure if I can be a doctor - I tried studyin’ when I was younger, but Ma didn’t like that - but I could do somethin’ else. Janitor, maybe. Even though I hate cleanin’ this cellar.

As I finish I see a glint of gold from under the bench and lean down. Damn, I swear to myself so Ma can’t hear. With my gloves on I pick up the finger with the gold weddin’ band and toss it into the cooler with the rest of him.

Now I gotta wipe the floor again.

Least the cool keeps the stench down.

He won't stop screaming.

He's only been stabbed 4 times. It can't hurt that bad.

He isn't even real. At least that's what my parents said.

Even if the people in the television screen aren't real, there are a lot of shows showing them in pain. I don't know what pain feels like, so I am a little curious about what it's like. My mom says I have con-gen-it-al an-al-ge-sia. That means I can't feel pain.

All of my friends say that makes me lucky, but am I really?

The man on the screen keeps screaming as the masked person drags him into another room, blooding pouring from the stab wounds and making streaks on the floor. Maybe I am lucky, that man doesn't seem to like being stabbed.

But I want to know what that pain feels like, what any pain feels like. So one day when I was younger, I tried crashing my bike to see if it hurt. It didn't. My parents ran over and asked what happened and what hurt, both of their voices filled with fear. I said 'nothing.'

'He's in shock,' said my mother, 'We need to bring him inside.'

She grabbed my arm and ran me inside. We passed a mirror and I saw my face, covered with my own blood. I felt perfectly calm, content. But I felt no pain.

I still feel no pain.

Even after I tried what the television showed. Even after I stabbed myself. I feel no pain.

Do you know how hard it is to not know something everyone else knows? Not knowing an inside joke that everyone knows except you.

The man on the screen is crying now. I'm crying, too. I don't know if it is from pain or lack-there-of. The man on the screen covers one of his stab wounds with one hand and tries to crawl away. I cover my stab wound and crawl towards the bathroom, leaving the knife covered with my blood in the tv room.

It's harder to move with the stab on my side. It doesn't hurt, it just feels wet and kind of sticky. When I pull myself to the full body mirror I look at what I've done.

My favorite shirt is covered with the blood from when I tried to cover the wound. I touch one of my hands to my face and drag it across, trying to copy what I saw on the man-on-the screen's face. It's such a beautiful color, such a calming color.

I don't feel the need to scream like the man on the screen did. In fact, I feel perfectly calm since looking in the mirror. I don't need to cry to let out my feelings. I don't need to feel pain to fill my curiosity.

I know everything is fine, and everthing will be fine.

Thanks to this beautiful blood.

Summer Camp Journal:

Im not goeng to camp tomroe. My mom saed I hav to. I amto scared that the old kids will do the camp skit agaen. When I sat down to watsh it I dident no it would be like that. Bobby saed it wasent scary but it was. Our camp cownselr made us sit up front. Then they saed ACTION and that is where it went bad. Lily Hillmyer triped and fell. She hurt her tooth or somthin. Her fake mom had to take her to the doctrs. And it was a DENTIST!! They waeted in the waeting room and herd someone screeming! And they dident leaf! I would have leaft! Then the nurse saed the doctor will see you and Lily Hillmyer got up and went into the room. It was just a chare so she cood sit down but it was scary. The doctor saed let me see your tooth and she opned her mowth. Then he lookd in her ear! HER EAR! My camp fwends thout that was funy but I dident get it. So then the doctor saed to his assistant looks like we need to give her a trim and Lily Hillmyer says trim WHAT becaws that sownded crazey! Then I saw the doctr take owt a GIGANTIC scizsor! And he cut her hare! Her hare?! Why? What was goeng on I dont no but I started to get unconfortbl. I aksed the cownnselr to moove back but she saed no. But I moved a little back and bumpd into Bobby and he made fun of me. He’s meen. Then Lily Hillmyer said my tooth my tooth ow it hurts! And the doctor said ok it’s time and took out a big NEEDLE! I meen BIG. So big it was tawlr then him! Everyone lafed by I skreemed! Then everyone lafed agaen but at me. They are all meen. Like I saed Im not goeng bak. The doctor then poold her tooth out and there was fake blood that sgwerted everywhere! It made me feel bad! So I closed my eyes but Bobby made me put them down beecaws he coodnt see behind me with my arms like that. So I sgwinted insted. Then the doctor said Lily Hillmyer could giv it to the tooth faery. Looking like that?! It was gross. Now im scared to loos my tooth that’s loose too. Bobby saed the tooth faery isnt reel but my brothr lost his tooth last yeer and SOMEONE took it so if the tooth faery isnt reel who takes it ?! Maebe this DENTIST! No way, Im not goeng to let my teeth fall out and im not goeng to camp tomroe evn if my mom says I hav to. Today was horibl.

A clear white moon. And Raya was afraid. She’d heard tell if times like this before but a complete blackout was something she’d thought relegated solely in the last millennium.

Raya had no idea how on earth she’d cope. What should she do? How should she operate? Where could she go from here?

Raya decided in an instant she had to close her eyes and sleep through it. So .... She did

When she awoke, she noted with dismay it was still dark. Weirder still was the fact that this had not even affected one member of the family!

Did they not see the gravitas of the situation?! They were laughing like nothing was even wrong! She decided to check the time. Her phone showed it to be 23:07.

It had only been about half an hour she’d slept. It wasn’t legally a sleep. It was a cat nap.

Raya had had enough of listening to her family crack wise.

She sauntered into the lounge and bellowed in all seriousness, “what is wrong with all of you?!”

Her mother, said with feigned indignation stated “cheer up love. This used to happen all the time ’till about ten years ago.”

Raya flew into a rage just as her phones battery warned her it was critically low on energy and needed recharging.

“How you can go on like everything is normal is totally beyond me. You’re all mad. Completely out your tree!”

“Don’t worry Bab” her mum said, “you can always do what we used to and read a book. Or try talking to us. That used to be a great past time.”

Raya wondered aloud how anyone got anything done which her aunt noted “a lot easier and a lot faster actually! With infinitely less accidents!”

Raya raged that this scenario was outrageous.

She could no longer tolerate this way of being. “I can’t live like this! How did you ever manage?”

Nobody said a word. How do you respond to such a diatribe.

Her dad who was a little taken aback by her outburst looked at her in silent wonder before she screamed “My phone is dying and there’s no wi-fi!”