Every poem I write

gives tribute to you

to them

the ones who won’t return

who left me confused

and never looked back

maybe they thought I’d be ok

maybe they didn’t understand

but they left a hole

that will never be filled

no matter how many times I hear “I love you” they will taint my relationships with painful echoes and tears of regret

You were supposed to love me.

Hold my hand instead of hitting my hands,

Singing with me rather than screaming at me...

But not everything turns out the way we want it too.

You were supposed to love me as I love you, and now I'm stuck with unrequited love and a broken heart.

You were supposed to love me.

Shall I, my son, send you away

With a blessing on your head?

Shall I surrender you to war,

'Til it returns you, dead?

Oh! Mary knew the kind of pain

A dear son's blood could bring…

Shall I give up my tender heart

To bitter Worry's sting?

And yet could I, with conscious true,

Tell him to kill what honor grew?

And Honor, could I then let fear

Put enmity between me and you?

I broke my heart. I did it. It was all me & all my fault. It hurt as much as it did because I was so blind & naive & stupid enough to not realise what I was doing or the effect it was going to have on me. I would say to them that you should take your time with things & take your toughts into consideration & remmember to not give your hopes up. And most importantly, wake up & take your time.

Oh, I remember that empty night.

I remember it as the night of realization, the moment I realized what I had done. You may have lied, stabbed me in the back, gossiped, tricked, persuaded and shredded any confidence I had, but I let you. I let you push me into a never-ending pit. A pit of slick walls without handholds. Darkness that didn't just drown me. The emptiness ripped me apart, inside out, destroying what I was, revealing to me what I threw away.

You made it seem like a game. Why did this game leave me stranded before I reached the finish line? Why did this game slap me across the face every time I made a mistake? Why did this game provide me with no means of redemption?

This game wasn't a game at all. It was a torture chamber. A blade prepared to dive into my heart.

And it was my fault.

It hurt not because of what it was, but because of what it wasn't. It wasn't the joyful me that I had always been. I wasn't the optimistic, determined person who I had grown up as. I made excuses. I lied to myself. I experienced pain.

Pain I inflicted myself.

Even now, I exaggerate. I was never physically harmed. I was never starved. I was never enslaved. An exaggeration of this mind game I played with myself.

Were you even there? I see you so often and instead of blaming you, I blame myself. Who I am to judge someone just like me? Someone who made mistakes?

So I forgive you. And I forgive me, too. You shouldn't have done what you did. But I shouldn't have, either. It goes both ways. It will always go both ways. I know it's my fault, too.

As I remember that empty night, I wish I had realized all this sooner. That we were friends at some point. That should be what matters. What happened, happened. So what do you say? Truce? Start over? Pretend nothing happened?

Whatever works for you. Because I still love you, old friend, even though I don't understand you. Good luck on your travels.

May you fill your empty nights with love.

I shoved you away from me, for 7 years it took me to accept that

I was in love with you.

You said you loved me too

I guess it was a lie.

Wasn’t it?

You tricked me.

You told me we would be okay

We would be beautiful

Now look at me.

My bleeding self, on the floor.

Wrists slit.

Is this what you wanted?

I tried to do what you wanted.

Always.

I’m so sorry

Forget me.

I broke my heart.

My heart is already hurt. But today my wounded heart is rotting. I can't blame anyone for this injury. Because I have no reason. But there is one person I have hated for years. I've worked hard to understand this person. What does he want? However, I could not understand it and as a result my heart suffered. Do you know who that villain is? Well, let me tell you...

He fought his lusts and was seriously wounded. He has many dreams but many thorns along the way. However, I do not know if he is a good person or a bad person...

***

This man is me! Me! Myself...