What if...
I am a spiritual coward, and so I take the safer road toward agnosticism. The further and further outward I look, the smaller and smaller I seem to become, which makes it hard to believe that there could be a being out there that would care about an insignificant little cancer cell living for a blink of time on a floating speck of dust in a tiny solar system around an average to small star in an infinitely large universe, so I get atheism. I get that it takes a great deal of vanity, or sense of self importance, to believe that I am special enough to deserve a greater being who cares about my existence, and my eternal soul.
But I have also seen and heard about events in this world that make my spine tingle with anticipation for something better waiting beyond this life. The magic of existence itself from out of nothingness must be some sort of miracle, is it not? Does it not take some sort of being to create that miracle? So I get religion, too.
I know... maybe, maybe not. Agnosticism...
Which came first? The chicken? The egg? Did God create us, or did we create him? Every known society has had a god, or gods. Why? Is it because we need hope for something better to push us? A carrot on a stick? Is our instinct for survival not enough to sustain a lifetime of struggle? It never has been before. Without hope would we not just sit in our basements and smoke weed in the dark until our bodies die of their own fabricated diseases. Would we not lie down and rot away our only shot at “being”, casting aside the glorious sunshine overhead which calls us to love, to labor, and to live... in essence to hope.
And to hope requires faith. Faith is an all-in proposition. If I lean toward religion, should I not lean all the way in? Should I not live to that religion’s laws with gusto, and preach its word with every breath? If I KNEW that someday I would stand shivering and naked before an all powerful God, would I not spend every moment of this life preparing for His rapture, rather than chasing worldly wealth and lust? But what if I spend every moment chasing a more righteous and glorious life and in so doing discard the earthly joys and lusts of the only one I will ever have?
If I KNEW that I would never be judged, then why would I not throw morality to the winds?
Oh, but I wish I had a brain big enough to know. To be wrong either way is a heavy, heavy price to pay, and so I sit the fence, sticking toes in to test the waters on either side.
I have two questions for an atheist, the same two questions I would ask of a believer. Are you willing to go “all in“ with that belief? I see very few on either side who are (and they are usually called lunatics or saints), which leads me to believe that there are more agnostics out there than will admit.
And if you are willing to go “all in” either way, if your faith is that strong... what if you are wrong?
Yikes! God forbid you are wrong.
Two boys no names
"Why is there always two kids hanging around the Chinese place Billy and why do they only have one shoe there about our age and we never see them in school" ? Zack ask.
"I dunno but don't they look ridiculous and always dirty and filthy and then you can see them by the city lake at night headed towards the woods "Billy retorts .
"Who knows but nobody ever talks to them all they do is laughs at them I feel bad for them " zach says .
"Well they get what's coming to them for dressing the way they do and grabbing people's leftovers they throw in the trash . I mean we are even civil and don't go doing that " Billy exclaims .
"Lets go talk to them and be nice to them Billy I mean it " Zack pleads.
"No way I'm not being seen with those losers , I'm gonna go to arcade and wait on you I want no part in it there clowns Zack and you don't need to waste your time with them. See you in little bit "Billy says as he leaves.
Zack watches the two boys for few minutes and decides to go inside buy them two full hot meals and heads back out to greet them .
As zach approaches them the first boy throws up his hands "don't hurt us please I don't mean you no harm ".
The second boy instantly says "go ahead laugh at us we know we r losers everybody tells us everyday ".
Zach hurried up and says "no! You have it all wrong I bought you two guys hot dinner so you don't have to eat out of trash tonight . Please take itI want to talk to talk to you a minute".
"We can't take that from you we don't expect anybody to help us " boy one says .
"Here it's totally paid for and it is freely given what's galls name I'm Zack ".
"Well my name is Chris nobody ever ask our name and I am starving ".
"Thank you Zack we accept my name is Roger".
"Here please take my shoes and I'll bring you another pair I have several at home you are about my size it looks like and your foot has sores all over them please let's go across street sit down so you can eat " Zach tells Chris and Roger . They cross the street and sit down and both boys eat food fast . "Thank you so much Zach you have helped me so much feels great to eat hot meal your socks and shoes feel so good on my feet " Chris says with mouthful.
"So where do you guys live at and why don't you eat food at home ?" Zack asks quizingly .
"We don't have a home to go to any more we have made a shelter with tarps in the woods to stay , you see I got kicked out of my home by my parents at 14 I'm 15 now and I wondered around town and met Roger he will tell you he got kicked out of his house two " Chris exclaims .
"I don't understand why your parents just kicked you out were you doing something wrong ?" Zach asked.
"You see I fell in love with another boy in my neighborhood and they caught me kissing him outside one day and said I was an embarrassment and to get out of the house and never come back and I did the next week I came back and they moved" Chris explains " I looked for them but there was no sign of my brothers or sister so I rough it now and people laugh at me tease me now " Chris stops talking and is crying Roger consoles him .
Roger starts talking " I got kicked out of house because I had trouble learning in school with my dyslexia and add I couldn't understand teachers very well I come from smart family and my dad called me idiot and stupid all the time and was told if I didn't make all A's on report card I was getting kicked out because he wasn't raising a dumb and stupid kid well report cards came out I made all c's so all my stuff was thrown out and I was told leave never come back well that's what I did ".
"This is so hard for me to conceive isn't a parent supposed to love you no matter what ? I'm so sorry guys I don't know what today" Zach says.
They chat about life a bit and not boys say they need to head to there home in the woods . "Roger meet me here tomorrow same time I'll have you some shoes and other things and I'll have you follow me to my house if you like and let you both get a good shower if you like I have clothes and blankets and few other things ok it is such a pleasure meeting you guys my new friends ".
"Why you being so nice to us and it's been awhile since anyone else has called us friends " Roger exclaims.
"You guys are my age and no matter what your a person first and foremost and I wanted to find out more about you two because y'all never bother anybody " Zack says.
"Well thank you very very much Zach I think we might become good friends "Chris says as the boys walk away. They turn back and wave at Zach and he waves back . He then heads to arcade to meet up with Billie and walks up to him playing game . "Hi Billie they are very awesome guys and we will hang out with them tomorrow night I want to introduce you to them ".
"Uh no way Jose I'm not gonna be any part of them there homeless bums and I'm not going to be friends with there kind ever " Billie says
"I guess if you feel that way I'm gonna leave and see what I can find out to help them out online " Zack says. He leaves and heads home thinking about a lot of what they said to him. He runs upstairs logs onto the computer and finds a site Trevor project that helps teens in need and researches topics and decides to call them and ask if they might could help his new friends . After about forty five minutes he hangs up and runs downstairs to talk with his parents about his new friends . His parents explain that schools are required to make special accommodations for children with learning disabilities and it's not his friends fault for having problems . This had Zach all excited he even asked his parents if they could stay in the extra room nobody use and they said they would think about it . Back in his room Zach is very excited about everything he learned and lays in bed thinking how lucky he has it to have loving supportive family . We will see what happens next hopefully Roger and Chris will have a new chance on a teenage life and be happy once again . Zach drifts off to sleep with a smile tonight .
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On a side note for this story 1in every three teenagers kicked out on street will commit suicide we need to get the word out about Trevor Project they help many teens that are LGBT and will help get them to the places they need if not able to assist them for different circumstances . Trevor Project goes on donations . Read more about this foundation .hope you enjoyed my short story may write more as a followup soon.