I was in a deep dark hole where there was no light.

Every time I tried to get out of the hole, I got pushed back down

I tried with all of my might, but no matter what I did.. I was stranded.

I lost all of my confidence, and motivation.. "Why even try to get out of the hole? No one is going to help you, right?" I said to myself. I sunk down and gave up.. I lost my drive. Memories of happy times came flooding into my brain one by one as I fell into a deep slumber. My mind was spinning and playing tricks on me.. I couldn't be happy.. There is no way that I could be happy. I sighed and fell back asleep. 

I woke up and tried to get out of the hole once more. I pushed all of my negative thoughts away and got rid of all of the things that were bugging me. I climbed out of the hole, and was greeted by light. A bright light with rays. I walked closer and realized that to get to this happier state.. all I had to do was push away the bad thoughts and overcome the negativity. 

I wish I could've said more to you. I regret not making time to see you before all this happened. But it's too late now. I am sitting here in the room with you, staring at all the machines your hooked up to.. I'm trying to think positively but I stop after awhile because I know it's no use.. you're going to be gone. I was taken out of the room and I should've gone back in to see you but I didn't.. I couldn't. If only you could've said something to me.. Like "I love you" or "Stay strong" but instead of that, your eyes were shut and you were barely breathing so you weren't capable of saying anything to me. I knew it was goodbye, I just wish I could've talked to you one last time instead of seeing you for five minutes after not seeing you for months.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you..

Rest in peace.

Dear person who is reading this,

You probably are related to me in some form or you knew me from somewhere. You may be asking yourself "Why did she do it?" well that's what I'm going to share with you today.. the reasons for my death. You see, a person makes many mistakes in their life.. some people regret those mistakes and can't live with them.. and that's why some end it all. But not me. Those mistakes were lessons for me. Some people end it all because someone bullied them into doing it.. But not me. People some times get so fed up with life, and get so over stressed that they end it all.. But that's not why I ended it either. There are millions of reasons why someone would end it all but only one reason is why I ended my life. Do something for me.. Look in the mirror. See that object? That mirror? That's why I ended my life..That's what ruined me.. Don't let it ruin you.     

"Okay honey go see mommy" The pain in my chest spread as I sent my daughter into the hospital room to see her dying mother. Part of me didn't know if Kayleigh knew what was going on with her mom but I knew that one day when she was older, it would make sense to her. I sat outside the hospital room in a hard uncomfortable chair. Only two people were allowed to see Aria at one time, and Kayleigh and Aria's mom were in there right now. I wanted to wait till they were gone anyways so Aria and I could have some alone time.

Aria..the love of my life, and the one I married so that I could wake up everyday and see that beautiful face. I married her because she gave me this feeling no other girl could ever give me. I'm madly in love with Aria, and I am so happy to call her mine.

Kayleigh..the love of my life's daughter and my daughter too. I can remember when she was born..it felt like yesterday. She looks exactly like Aria but has my hazel eyes. She is my life alongside Aria.. I don't know what I would do if I didn't find Aria.. dating crazy women maybe, going to strip clubs, and just living life.

I can't imagine my life without the both of them. But now here I am sitting in a hospital chair, and I'm about to lose one of them.. Aria.

(5 years ago..)

"Daddy!" "Hi sweetie!" I picked Kayleigh up off the ground and kissed her chubby cheeks. "Lets go home so we can make dinner for mommy" my daughter nodded and I walked with her out of the day care. I put her into her car seat and got inside the drivers seat. I drove home as fast as I could and went inside. Glass was shattered all over the floor, and Aria was nowhere to be seen. Kayleigh walked into the door behind me and looked around. She started crying out of fear, and hugged my leg. "Its okay honey" I picked Kayleigh up and walked around the house. "Aria?" I yelled out in the house but no one answered. Kayleigh got scared and buried her face in my neck like Aria does. I walked with my daughter up the stairs and found my bedroom door shut. I set Kayleigh down "Go play in your room, daddy will be right there okay?" Kayleigh nodded and ran off to her room. I opened my bedroom door and saw Aria facing the wall with her arms wrapped around her legs. She was rocking back and forth and whimpering. I shut the door and walked over to her. "Baby girl what's going on?" Aria looked at me, with bright red cheeks and a runny nose. Aria immediately jumped towards me and wrapped her arms around my neck. She started crying hard, so I lifted her up off the floor. She wrapped her legs around my waist and I sat on the bed with her on my lap. She cried in the crook of my neck, and I could feel her warm tears running down my neck. I rubbed her back and tried to calm her down. "Baby tell me what's wrong please. Did someone do something to you?" "NO!" She screamed out loud. "Shh Shh it's okay. Lay with me Aria, it's okay baby" I laid down on the bed and she laid with me, wrapping her arm around my torso. "I-I love y-you so much Max" she cried harder. I pulled her onto my chest so that she was laying on top of me, and I wrapped my arms around her. "I love you more" She cried harder after hearing that.. it made my heart sting. She sat up on my lap, and straddled me. She wouldn't look at me at all.. Aria just scanned the room as more tears fell down those beautiful cheeks. "I went to the doctors for a check up today" her voice was very monotone. I put my hands on her hips and rubbed her sides with my fingers. "I have cancer" her voice cracked. It felt like someone stabbed a knife through my heart "How bad is it?" I asked quietly. "Really bad. The doctors said it has spread a lot" I started crying.

We laid there for hours crying together while Kayleigh played with her toys in her room. She was my world and I knew that I would do anything to fight this cancer with her.

(Present Day)

"Max!" I looked to my left and saw Kaia running toward me. "Hi baby sis" I stood up from the chair and hugged her. "How is she?" Kaia whispered in my ear. "I don't know. I haven't been in there yet. I'm waiting for her mother and Kayleigh to get out." She released from the hug and rubbed my arm. "You can go inside after they get out. I want to stay the night with her" Kaia nodded and sat in the chair next to the one I was sitting in. "Where's mom and dad?" "They couldn't make it because of Gil's parents dinner" "Oh shit I forgot about that" "It's okay. Gil knows you're here" I took a deep breath and sat down next to Kaia. "I just want to see her. I have been waiting for days to see her Kaia. It is literally killing me" she grabbed my hand and held it while she laid her head on my shoulder. "It's going to be okay Max" Kaia and I sat in the waiting room talking about different things to get our minds off of the bad situation. It had been awhile since I saw my sister so it was nice to finally catch up with her.

"Daddy!" Kayleigh came out of the hospital room and hopped onto my lap. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her forehead. "Max I am taking Kayleigh for tonight so you can see Aria overnight." "Thank you Sharon" I stood up and hugged Aria's mom. "You be a good girl for grandma okay?" "Yes daddy" "Good girl" I kissed Kayleigh's forehead. Kayleigh and Sharon left while Kaia was visiting Aria. I was nervous to see her.. it had been a few weeks since I've seen her act like the normal Aria but now she is very sick. I didn't know what I was going to see tonight because from what the doctors said, today has been one of the worst days. My knee started shaking up and down while I ran my fingers through my hair. While Kaia was in Aria's room, it felt like time was going even slower! I played with the wedding ring on my finger and it just brought back memories of her.

(Flashback)

"Don't talk to me! I'm done with you Max, it's over between us!" Aria ran out of the house and drove off. This was our fifth argument this week! Things just keep getting more tense between us. I took the velvet box out of my pocket and opened it. The big diamond ring stared back at me. I was going to propose to her this week sometime but we've had so many arguments about dumb things, that I can't find a good time to. Now was my time.. It needed to happen now. I know for a fact that I am in love with her. I called Sharon, her mother because I knew that she would go to her parents house..that was her safe place. "We got into another argument Sharon" I heard a door slam in the background "Aria?" Sharon asked "Don't talk to me!" Aria screamed and stomped away. Sharon whispered over the phone "I know you're a good man Max. And I trust that you will make her happy for the rest of her life so I give you my permission to propose." "Thank you so much Sharon. I will make her the happiest woman alive I promise you." I got off the phone and grabbed the velvet box. I ran to my car and drove as fast as I could to her parents house. I got out of the car and took a deep breath "You've got this. Win her back" I shut the car door and ran up to the front door. Sharon opened it for me quietly "She's upstairs" she winked and I mouthed "Thank you" I quietly went upstairs and went to her shut bedroom door. I listened and she was crying while listening to sad music. I took a deep breath and opened the door slowly and carefully. I saw her facing the wall with her laptop and she was still crying a lot. I opened the door more, and made sure she didn't see me when I snuck into her room. I slowly shut the door. She still wasn't able to tell that I was in the room. "You know the moment I saw you.." She screamed and jumped off her bed, touching her heart because I scared her. "What are you doing in here?!" "Baby just listen to me" "Don't call me baby! Get the fuck out of my room!" I walked over to her and she ran over to the corner of her room. I cornered her so she couldn't escape and I pinned her wrists against the wall. She breathed heavily as I kissed her neck slowly. I blew my hot breath on her neck giving her goosebumps. I let go of her wrists and picked her up by her ass. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and her legs around my waist. I laid her down on her bed. She kept her legs wrapped around me and I laid on top of her, with my torso resting between her legs. I stared into her beautiful eyes and she stared into mine. I rubbed her puffy red cheeks "Can I continue now?" I smirked. She nodded while blushing "When I first saw you, I knew I was looking at an angel. Those sexy legs of yours..I wanted them wrapped around me. That ass of yours..I wanted to slap and leave kisses all over it. Those amazing breasts.. I wanted my tongue to swirl around those beautiful nipples, and I wanted to see goosebumps all over that perfect body. Your face made my heart skip a beat, and your laugh made me smile every time I heard it. And your personality? Oh my god.. I thought I was out of your league but damn I was so lucky that you agreed to be with me. Baby I can't imagine a day without you. You're so sexy, gorgeous, and perfect in every way. I love you more than anyone else in this world. I want to stop having dumb fights with you and make this work.. This needs to work because I would literally die without you. You make me the happiest man alive, and I want to make you the happiest woman alive everyday. I want to wake up next to you every morning, make love to you all the time, have babies with you, buy a house, and live here in Barcelona with you for the rest of our lives. You're the love of my life Aria and I don't want anyone else." I pulled the ring box out of my pocket. She covered her face with her hands and started crying more. I got off of her and got on my knee next to her bed. She sat up and looked at me as I opened the velvet box, revealing the huge diamond. Aria smiled and cried harder "I'm so sorry for all those dumb arguments Aria" I started crying, because seeing her cry hurt me. "Yes Max yes" "Yes?" I immediately grabbed her cheeks and kissed her perfect lips. "God damn it, I love you so much Aria" "I love you too Max" she kissed me nonstop, and I put the ring on her finger.

(Present day)

We slept together that night.. And we found out a few days later that our little Kayleigh would be coming into the world in 9 months. I love Aria so much. I wiped a few tears that fell down my cheeks as the hospital room door opened. Kaia walked out "She's ready for you Max" I looked up at Kaia and got up from the chair. "Just take a deep breath okay?" I nodded and wiped a few more of my tears. Kaia hugged me and rubbed my back. "I'll be here to pick you up in the morning. Just take a deep breath. I love you Max" "I love you too Kaia" She left the hospital, and I took some more deep breaths. I opened the door to her room and saw her laying in her bed. She looked at me, and her eyes lit up. "Hi I missed you" She smiled. I shut the door, and went to sit in the chair next to her bed. "I missed you too Aria" I grabbed her hand and intertwined our fingers. "You must be tired from all the people that visited you today" she yawned "Yeah it's been pretty busy in this room" she chuckled. That laugh made my heart beat faster. I stared at her wedding ring "Remember the day I proposed to you?" she looked down at her hand and blushed "Yes, how could I forget?" she giggled. "I was thinking about that night when I was in the waiting room. It made me realize how much I'm still in love with you." She lifted our hands and kissed the back of mine "You make me so happy Max" I smiled "Good baby. You deserve to be happy" I looked up at the clock and it was 9:30 pm "Are you tired Aria?" "Yeah I am" she yawned. The door opened and a doctor walked in "Sir, could I talk to you real quick?" I looked over at Aria and she smiled at me "Be right back babe" I pecked her lips and walked out. The doctor shut the door and started walking to the front desk. I followed him and he was carrying a folder. He set the folder down when we got to the front desk and he looked at me.. I was getting nervous. "So we did some tests on Aria today, and we have some bad news" "What is it?" I gulped. "Um Aria isn't going to live much longer. She could die any day now" Tears fell down my cheeks hearing this news. I thought that she could be saved somehow and that one day, we could die of old age together. She's in her late 20's and this is happening! "I know it's hard to think about but we just wanted to let you know.. We will give you two some alone time." "Is there a way that I could get her out of this hospital tonight?! Just for the night?!" The doctor bit his lip "I'm sorry sir but we can't allow that." "Fuck!" I yelled and punched the desk. "Did you tell her about this?" The doctor shook his head. "Good. Don't tell her because I don't want our last few days together to be miserable and filled with nothing but crying." "Yes sir. You should go visit her now. We will run more tests in the morning" I walked away and wiped my tears before I walked back into the room. I opened the door and she was watching tv. "Hey what was that about?" she smiled. "Oh nothing. The doctor just wanted to ask if I was staying the night or not and he told me they will be in for tests in the morning." "Oh okay" I locked the door to her room and shut the tv off. "Hey why did you do that?" she frowned. "I want to make love to you. It's been too long babe" She blushed and nodded. I took my shirt off, my pants off, and my briefs. I stood naked in front of her as she bit her lip and stared at my manhood. I smiled and got on the bed, straddling her. I helped her take her hospital dress off and I threw it on the floor.. Her breasts were so perfect and I needed all of her tonight. I kissed her sweet lips as I kneaded her breasts. She moaned while our lips were locked, making me hard. I peppered kisses all over her jawline and neck, and I sucked on her soft skin. I could feel her nipples getting hard from my touch. "You're so sexy Aria" she giggled and ran her fingers through my hair. I threw the hospital blanket on the floor revealing the rest of her beautiful body. I kissed in between her breasts all the way down to her belly button, making her get even more goosebumps. I lifted her legs and wrapped them around my head. The thoughts of her dying kept flashing through my mind. I started sucking on her clit and licking her sweet folds. This would be the last time I tasted her.. I stuck two fingers in her and moved them in and out slowly making her moan.. This would be the last time I felt the inside of her. I licked my fingers and rubbed the tip of my hard manhood. I put the tip near her entrance, and slowly slid into her...This would be the last time that I feel her tight walls wrap around me. I leaned down and kissed her as I started to move in and out of her. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I thrust into her. I stared at her beautiful face... This would be the last time that I hear her moan. "Oh Max that feels so good baby" I continued to thrust into her as my mind drifted off, and my vision blurred from the tears. I thrust into her and focused on her face.. tears fell down my cheeks as I watched her enjoy every minute of me inside of her. I came inside of her, as one more tear fell down my cheek. I pulled out and laid on her with my head on her chest. She rubbed my head "I love you so much" she grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. "I love you too beautiful" I focused on her heartbeat. It was slow and the sound was soothing. More tears fell down my cheeks onto her warm skin. I laid there naked with her for 20 minutes. I got up and she was sleeping so I put the hospital gown back on her carefully and I put my clothes on. I unlocked the door and laid back down with her. "Are you okay?" "Yes baby go back to sleep" "Okay I love you" "I love you too sweet heart." I felt warm and fuzzy inside after hearing her voice again. I laid my head on her chest where her heart kept beating. I intertwined our fingers and kissed her lips. I fell asleep on her chest.. listening to the beautiful sound of her living..

I woke up at 4 am and looked up at her. I ran my fingers through her soft hair and smiled. "Baby" I whispered and shook her lightly. She didn't wake up like usual. I chuckled because she has always been a deep sleeper. I shook her a little more "Aria babe" She didn't move a muscle. I got nervous and shook her harder "Aria?" I put my head on her chest and listened for that beautiful sound of her heart beating but it wasn't there. "Aria!!!" I started crying and I got up and ran into the hallway "I need a doctor! Someone help me!" Doctors ran to my room and went past me. It all felt like it was in slow motion. I stood in the hallway staring into the room as doctors did emergency procedures to bring her back to life. Tears fell down my cheeks, and I stared at Aria's beautiful face as they used a defibrillator to try to bring her back to me. She was gone.. The love of my life was gone. I cried hard as I walked outside of the hospital. I walked down the sidewalk to a busy part of the city. Lots of traffic and cars zoomed by. A tractor trailer approached fast so I stepped out in the road "Goodbye Kayleigh, I love you sweetie. Your grandma will take care of you... I'm so sorry that I can't be a good father to you... I love you with all of my heart don't forget that ever" I whispered. The lights of the truck reached me and blinded me as the truck driver beeped at me over and over. The truck hit my body making it fly hundreds of feet. I laid on the road with broken limbs and I could tell that my head was cracked open. I stared at the sky as people crowded around me. Memories of Aria laughing and smiling played in my head. Kayleigh's face appeared and she was giggling and playing with me in our yard. "I love you" I shut my eyes.

6:00 am

Rosie grabbed her purple backpack, and put her pink light up sneakers on. Today was her first day of first grade, and she was excited like every other child would be. She felt like an older kid, now that she was out of kindergarten. Her mom separated her hair and braided each side. She put red ribbons at the end of each braid to tie them. "Are you excited Rosie?" the little girl nodded with the biggest smile plastered on her face. Rosie hopped off the stool she was sitting on and grabbed her mothers hand. They walked out of the house to the end of the driveway to wait for the school bus. "Good morning Karen" the next door neighbor came out of their house and walked to the fence that divided the two yards. Mr. Johnston was a kind middle aged man who worked as a lawyer. He was very quiet but was always nice when talking to Karen and little Rosie. "Good morning" "Rosie are you excited for school today?" Rosie was shy and hid behind her mother. Mr. Johnston chuckled "I bet she is excited. My niece was excited when it was her first day of school" Karen smiled and nodded while rubbing her daughters back to comfort her. Something about her neighbor made her feel odd. He didn't seem quite normal. "Well I'm off to work! Have a good day Rosie" he grabbed his briefcase off the ground and put it inside his car. He got in and pulled to the end of his driveway while staring at Karen. She pulled the sleeves of her sweater down to cover her hands and looked away from Mr. Johnston. "He scares me mommy" Karen watched as the man drove away. "Me too baby" The big yellow school bus approached them so Rosie walked with her mother to the end of the driveway. The doors of the bus opened. Karen squat down to Rosie's height and gave her a hug. "Have a good day sweetie. I'll be home when you get home" Rosie got on the bus and sat towards the front. She sat in her seat and touched the window as the bus drove off and she stared at her mother until she was no longer in sight.

3:00 pm

The bus stopped at Rosie's house for her to get off. She stood up from her seat and said goodbye to her new friend. She made her way to the front of the bus and said goodbye to the bus driver also. She got off, and walked up the driveway as the bus drove off. It was a sunny afternoon. Birds chirped, the sun was bright and hot, there was a light breeze, and nothing could make Rosie happier. Little Rosie skipped into the house, and set her backpack down near the front door. She took her pink sneakers off and set them next to her moms shoes. "Mommy!" she skipped into the kitchen and looked around with a smile on her face. She had gotten through her first day of school and was very proud of herself. The house was silent and her mom was nowhere to be found. Rosie hummed a song and danced around the house. She walked upstairs and called out for her mother but there was no answer. Little Rosie went to her mothers room, and everything looked the same as it did this morning. The bed was made, floor vacuumed, curtains open, and sunlight shined through the window. She was confused and lost some of her excitement from earlier. She left her mothers room and walked to her room. Rosie looked around and her toys were scattered all over the floor. Her music box was playing nocturne in a minor. The rocking chair in her room was facing the window and it looked like a body was in it. "Mommy?" little Rosie whispered as she slowly walked towards the chair. She walked around to see her mother. She screamed bloody murder as she looked at Karen. Karen's throat had been slit open and blood was running down her skin, soaking her clothes. Rosie ran downstairs with tears hitting her cheeks. A person stood in the kitchen facing away from Rosie, cutting what sounded like vegetables. She walked towards the doorway and the person turned around. Rosie gasped as Mr. Johnston bent down to her height. "My little Rosie, I am making some soup. Would you like some?" she shook her head as more tears fell onto her cheeks. Mr. Johnston gave her a dark smile and picked her up. "You must be hungry from school." He set her down onto one of the stools. She looked over at the cutting board and saw her mothers ring sitting on the edge of it. Mr. Johnston smiled and grabbed a bowl that was sitting on the counter. He took fingers out of the bowl and set them on the cutting board. "Your mom didn't need that ring anymore if she didn't have any fingers to wear it on" Rosie screamed and cried harder. She hopped off the stool and ran away as fast as she could. He chased her and caught her. "Looks like you want to end up like your mother huh?" Mr. Johnston grabbed a cloth and covered Rosie's mouth. She passed out.

"Rosie! Hello!" Rosie woke up and looked around at the kids in her classroom. She was embarrassed that she had fallen asleep in class once again. The teacher stood in front of her desk with her hands on her hips. "Your father is here to pick you up" the teacher said through clenched teeth. Rosie got her stuff and went to the office to see her father. He smiled and Rosie followed him to the car. "How was school today?" "It was alright. I fell asleep in class again" she chuckled. "You're bad" he laughed. They got in the car and drove away. "I had a really bad dream" "What was it about?" "This guy named Mr. Johnston or something killed my mother but it wasn't my mother.. it didn't make any sense" "Huh that's weird" he turned the radio on. They got home, and walked into the house. Rosie's mother was making dinner. She stared at her mother's ring and it was the exact same ring in the dream.. but this wasn't the same house that was in her dream. "I'm going to do homework" "Okay sweetie dinner is almost done" Rosie walked into the living room with her backpack on "Dad can I use your study for homework?" "Yeah go ahead" he smiled and continued watching the football game on tv. Rosie went upstairs to her dads study and set her backpack down. She took her homework out and opened her dads laptop so she could look some stuff up for her social studies work. A few things were opened in the task bar on the computer so she clicked on each one to make sure it wasn't important and then closed the applications. She clicked on the documents application and photos came up. The first picture was of her as a baby. She smiled and clicked the slideshow button so that the pictures would play in order. A picture of her in her pink sneakers and backpack showed up but it looked like it was taken from a window. She squinted to look at the picture but the next one showed up. It was a picture of her hugging a woman with a pink sweater on. The next picture showed the woman walking back towards her house and it was the woman from the dream! She paused the slideshow and zoomed in on the picture. It was definitely the woman from her dream. She played the slideshow again and there was a video that started playing. She turned the volume down and watched it. "Get away from me!" the woman screamed and ran into a play room. The man pushed her into the toy shelf and they spilled everywhere. The man set the camera down on another shelf and got a hold of the woman. He slit her throat and set her into the rocking chair, and faced it towards a window. He came back towards the camera and picked it up. It was Rosie's "father" also known as Mr. Johnston now that she was thinking about it.. he must have changed his name. She gasped and shut the laptop quickly. Why the hell was this happening? she thought. It was true, and she wanted answers. She got up from the chair and turned around. Her father was standing in the doorway.

My vision blurs as I venture down the narrow, blank hallway.

Tears threaten to fall

They reach the brim of my eyelids but stay where they are..

I don't dare blink.

I take a left, a right

I follow the leader in front.

A door appears before me,

it reads "306"

I push the heavy door aside and step into the infirmary.

There you are.

Broken down, weak, tired, and helpless.

I can't do anything but look at you

My body feels frozen,

my eyes are locked on the machines you're hooked up to.

I blink

Regret fills me immediately.

Cold tears fall on my warm, red cheeks.

Flashbacks play through my head.

Laughter, beauty, normality..

All gone in the blink of an eye.

I never understood the importance of memories until now.

I take one step closer to your bed side and stare at you

More tears fall

I take another step

My heart breaks a little more

I take one more step until I am right near you

Your slow breathing calms me down.

I grab your cold hand and hold it

More tears hit my cheek

Right then

and there..

I knew you were gone

and that things would never be the same...

I've noticed that still to this day, I was never the same

after what had happened.