I missed, I missed the way you looked me in the eyes. I miss the way you would tell me goodnight. I miss the feeling of having you near, I missed the feeling of having no fear. I missed the feeling of you in my sheets, I missed the feeling of with me. Like etchings in a stone wall, you are stitched in my teeth and every time I speak I feel you there. I still miss you like the moon misses the kiss from the sun, I the moon and you my sun, you shine brightly when I’m truly near you. But it’s been far too long since I’ve last seen you.

I asked how long you would be gone and you said “as long as it takes”. I was always so impatient for our love but I would always swear I would wait.

I’m tired of living in the fear that one day you would come back. And after all these years I won’t be able to look you in the face and say “I’ve let you go”.

CAUSE YOURS IS THE ONLY LOVE IVE KNOWN.

My eyes hold yours one second longer before I can’t stop myself from closing the distance. I swing my leg over your waist and pull your damp shirt from your skin, tossing it over the seat bench as my hand closes on the back of your neck. Your hands are cool as they pull my face in closer. Our mouths hot lava floods. I pull back and watch the sunbeams catch in the warm spots of your eyes. And your arms circle around me. And I know as you pull my tongue back into your own mouth. I know as yours slides across my teeth. I won’t come back up for air. This is where I drown.

What if I told you I was ignorant.

disobeyed my mother

neglected my father

and was

detatched from myself.

What if I told you I am at peace.

listening to my mother

praying for my father

and I am

okay with myself.

What if I told you I will be happy.

rejoicing my life given by my mother

making everyone proud for my father

and will be

loving myself

I will be loving myself.

I will.

Why am i like this

I think

Why can't I just go out

Without having

A intense panic attack

Why can't I just look someone

Someone that has harassed me

So much

In the eyes

and not burst into tears

Why do I have to be like this.

I hate being like this

-Z

i once wrote a poem where I said:

“it’s nice to feel

content

after three months of feeling

completely out of control.”

babygirl,

little did you know,

you’d be completely out of control of your life,

for two and a half years.

two years of tears, fear, sadness, anxiety and depression.

feeling in love but suffocated and stuck.

but then you were set free.

in the most beautiful way.

this shows that we are strong

and can rise above anything.

/enna.paz

At first

I am nervous

Having never even touched a girl

or a guy

it's our first date

I look at you

I see your beauty

I want to cry

but I don’t.

it’s our fifth date

we know eachother well

we bond

we laugh

by our tenth date

I have to hold myself back

from saying I love you

at the end of the night

we call eachother everyday

for weeks

until I fell

down a deep dark hole in my mind

I can’t think of anything good anymore

one day

I am late for our date

I’m never late

you open the door to my apartment

and find me sobbing

but you don’t run away

you run to me

to

comfort.

I tell you I’m depressed

you

want to help me get better?

you don’t think I’m weird?

a freak?

an attention seeker?

I start to cry in relief

I have faith in you.

-Z

Get out of my mind

stop clouding my thoughts

get out of my heart

before it shatters like glass

get out of my memories

because you only sadden me

get out of my life

because the only thing you do

is try

and

break

me

-Z

Nervous

But the happy kind

Trying to get the courage

To ask him to dance

So so nervous

But I walk over anyway

As I part my way

Through the crowd

He's dancing with another girl.

Oh

Ok.

-Z

Today

I am proud

Of who I am

Of who I love

Sometimes persecuted

Sometimes shut out

Sometimes accepted

I will always be proud

-Z

Happy pride month everyone!!