where it stings
i force myself to write
because i will not
force him to listen.
-
i force myself to run
with shaking legs
and burning lungs.
my vision blurs
with colours
that aren't there.
my legs scream
from under me,
i barely feel them.
my head aches
as if its already
hit the pavement.
everything screams
at me to please stop.
he screams,
and again, i run.
sawdust.
wake up
immediately block my boyfriend.
i know
that he'll understand why. i don't.
id like
for it to rain today, but it doesn't.
id like
for my flowers to die. they don't.
id like
to be stuck in tragic accident.
id like
for my boyfriend to hate me.
i reach
for anything that may be wrong
because
it feels wrong, but i know it's not.
cycles
bore me, but never punch me
and
there's really nothing to do
except
silently watch the noise around,
sitting
in the center of it all.
grocery store
'thanks for all your help,'
she offers a smile as she grabs her bags,
turns toward the door.
she's clumsy as she opens it,
brow creased, you watch her leave.
she left some coffee beans.
you miss her for a week
then she's back with her sweet smile,
you help her collect her things.
'thank you so much'
in a rush, she grabs her bags and turns.
she's gone, leaves some limes.
the next week she's tired
you hand her the bags, she smiles at you.
she's careful not to leave a thing.
she's back again,
grabs quickly, hands you extra cash.
gives a weak smile, small thanks.
on the next week she visits
you help her take the bags to the car
nothing stays behind.
she's not in the next week.
you really can't help but wonder.
your coworkers whisper.
you notice her absence
less and less as weeks pass,
but often you see her
in a sweet smile,
or polite thanks, in forgotten items
you thank her.
you apologize to her.
change
A. Their name's A.
Whenever I tell people my favorite book, they struggle to understand why.
My favorite book is Every Day, by David Levithan. A is the main character.
Circumstances lead A to change, lead A to want more for themselves.
It's okay to want change for yourself, it's okay to mess things up. But God, it is so much easier to leave it all behind.