It is my path

There is no way to resist it

There is no need to rush it

It will be walked regardless

This is my path, and it's an important one. I have strong healing powers within me that want to be activated. It doesn't even feel like I have to "learn" so much. They mostly require to be activated.

For the sake of my mission. For the sake of humanity. For the sake of spirit. I have always known I was here to serve humanity in some form. Although I have often tried to look in the other direction. I had not found a way to work with people that was both efficient and not draining. When I was giving psychotherapy, meditation therapy or massage therapy, subconsciously I felt that this was nothing compared to the ancient wisdom stored inside of me. Often I deeply felt that I will be able to have strong psychic and healing abilities, but that definitely scared me. I was for sure not ready for that. All I wanted was to be in peace and to live a joyful life.

The mission that I felt strongly in my heart, the force that was pulling me up, the urgency to grow, felt too much at times. As if I was saying: "I am not ready for something that big." Suddenly we are here in the journey, and I am ready. Do I feel ready with my whole being to gain insight into my soul's purpose and to open up my gifts? Hells nah. Most of the times, yes. But it is not easy. Even though I feel deeply in my heart that I want to give my love and healing powers to the people, I am also afraid to work with people. Because in my mind it is associated with being drained, too much heaviness and giving too much of myself. These associations have been established in past lives and in this lifetime.

We are however not there anymore. I have learned to love myself first. There are a few deep wounds around self-love I have yet to heal. But in general, I love me, I know my boundaries, and I respect my boundaries. I know how to stand up for myself, and I know how to accept and love myself when I feel tired and need rest.

Another sign that proves my work on "the empath wound" is that I do not become weak when I listen to people's darkness. When I hear their stories I empathize and I see that they are part of the larger whole. We need suffering in order to grow. After having faced so much darkness inside of myself, transmuting it to light and seeing how it has strengthened me, I am no longer afraid of the dark. Neither when it concerns other people nor the planet. I feel the heaviness in my human heart, but in my whole being, in my spirit, I deeply know that all this, is happening for us, not to us.

I am a strong light, continuing to shine stronger and brighter. Only the darkness could have made that possible for me. The darkness is not a past, closed chapter. It an integrated force, part of nature. Something that I know and walk through with ease. When dark entities visit me, I feel the tension inside of me, but I know love. I choose love. And I know that they are just dense energy that also need love. So I make space for it and I trust myself that no matter how many dark entities surround me, I am love, I am safe, and I cannot be harmed. And that is all one needs to learn to be able to walk through the dark. This journey is not about turning our back on the dark and trying to look for light. Our journey is about shaking hands with it, realizing that you are the light and ultimately seeing that there is a light hidden in that darkness too. That darkness is a costume. It is light pretending to be dark. It uses this costume to create a sense of contrast and duality here on earth, offering the opportunity for spirit to evolve. Darkness is only dangerous when you keep seeing it as evil and believing it to be a true part of yourself, thus giving it the power to feed on you. You have to realize that you yourself are the light and the power. It is the journey to this deep realization that leads to more enlightened states.

I need to work with humans. My life will never feel whole and complete if I don't, cause I won't be standing in my soul's purpose. It is going to give me energy, fulfillment and joy. However, I need to fill my own cup first.

Here comes in the importance of my own happiness. I have to allow the universe to serve me with a stable support of joy, freedom and abundance underneath my feet. For too long I have separated living a happy and joyful life with my deep purpose to make an impact. As if the two could not co-exist. These two necessities and desires are both integral and cooperating aspects in my journey. There is no way back from this realization now. Fulfilling my soul's purpose would not be possible without the abundance and freedom that I so desire.

As a psychic, channel and energy healer I receive much more information than most humans. I need my own space, I need my van to roam free and feel inspired. My time to meditate for insights and processing information. My time in nature to recharge and connect. Strong, spiritual friendships for laughter and support. Time to express my internal experience creatively. Money to support all of this. I need to give myself the highest degree of love and freedom so that I am able to give the highest degree of love and freedom to the people I am meant to work with.

I need the energy of love, joy, fun, dance, wonder, beauty, passion and deep peace to then pour that into my work. My happiest self is my strongest, most radiant and most influential self.

The love that I give to myself and the love that I give to others can no longer be seen as separate. They are fulfilling the same purpose: the highest good.

My body is heavy as I drag it, even to sit up to type.

Drag it to my car. Drag it through work. Through emotions I'm sure I'd feel,

A mimic replicating, yet in my own flesh still.

Hopefully someone calls for a priest, or a torture, or something to make me feel like I'm myself again,

I stare at the screen- nail marks my own on my cheeks burning in the light.

I do not know how to write. Yet is has always been the only thing I've ever known.

What shall I say? What topic shall I choose?

Tapering from a medicine I've known all my sentient life?

Emotional abuse from the one I've trusted beyond all for years?

Sadness that I cannot sell my novel?

Apathy at my lack of trying?

It is not burnout. Perhaps I am jaded. Perhaps cynicism. It will wear off like a scab eventually. Until then, I have no creativity. No art. No words. Nothing important or anything to care for.

Man, am I the greatest author to exist. Wordless and mouthy like the most infamous.

Hello there,

My name is Lisa. I am 25 years old. And I have psychic abilities. I am at the point in my life where my soul, mind and body are ready to open up to this. It would take me hours to write how I came to this point. But I can describe the context as it is now. I reached a sense of inner peace that has been present for months now. Not only that, I also moved to the north of Norway two and a half weeks ago. Away from the overstimulating city, and reunited with my love, the northern nature. Pretty soon after I arrived, I started to get some hints. That now was the time. That I had reached the level of *readiness* that is required for the next stage in my journey.

Lately, I've been expressing my personal and spiritual journey more in the online space, particularly Instagram and YouTube. But what's currently happening inside of me, requires focus. It's a vulnerable topic, that is believed by few, and I cannot let external energy seep into this part of my journey. That's what I learned today when I shared the topic with my brother and my mother. With people who are there with a lot of love, but who are not there in spiritually. I understand them. The skepticism, the unbelief. They are particularly skeptical because I am entering an online Soul Alignment program with a channeler and energy-healer that costs quite a lot of money, to say the least. So they are afraid that the money won't outweigh the value of the program. But how can I explain that I know with my whole soul that this is the right program for me? I can't. Or, I can, and I did, but that doesn't sound particularly convincing to them. Which I fully and completely understand. It hasn't been too long ago - maybe about four years - that I still believed that when we die, we rot in a our grave, and that's it. That people who believed in spirituality and religion were a bit naive. So who am I to judge people who judge? We have our own beliefs. We are in different stages of the spiritual journey. Plus, there are different things to awaken to, depending on your soul's journey and purpose. Some wake up to extraterrestrial beings. Some wake up to the spirits of the dead. Some follow a more shamanistic path. Others go the Buddhist way. My closest soulfriend and I recently took distance because we are both awakening seriously and we are here with a strong purpose. She takes the Buddhist path, and I, well, I don't think I can put it in a few words, and I have yet to discover what the heck is about to happen in my journey. But, yeah, nature, the spirit realm and energy healing are involved. So that sounds quite shamanistic doesn't it? But, I can't and I won't put my journey in a box. I do not like boxes, they are limiting.

So as I was saying, by talking to my closest family about this very delicate topic, I let external energy inside. What do I mean with that? Every thought and emotion carries electromagnetic energy. Energy is information. After having talked with them, their beliefs are tangible inside my mind and body, disconnecting me from my inner knowing, disturbing my energy, confusing my mind, and blurring my vision. Because this is not an easy journey. It takes me a lot of courage and going through the fire of anxiety to push through with this. I do not have another option, and I think that is something that people who are not going through a spiritual awakening, have a hard time understanding. Yes there is this top-down process where I have the mindset to grow and to awaken as much as possible. But also that, is driven by a strong bottom-up force that has been driving my journey all along. It's like taking a decent dose of psychedelics. It's not like *you* go on the journey. The psychedelic takes you on the journey. Just like the awakening takes me on this journey. And this part of my awakening...dear lord. My ego is shaking her head: "Spirit guides? Angels? Akashic records reading? Psychic abilities? Really? Could it *get* more spiritual?"

And my soul is saying: "I am sorry babes, but yes, it can get more spiritual. You better surrender, cause we have a lot in store for you." "Oh my", my ego says.

I am going all in. And again, this is as much a conscious choice as it is just the force inside of me that is pulling me to that which has to be done. But for this part of my journey, I have to close the door to others. However, I still feel a strong urge to document this journey and share it somewhere. So I thought, why not use my dear account on Prose? Where I can share anything, and at the same time be invisible.

It so happens that I had a little surgery on my foot and that I cannot work for ten days. I have to "rest". Divine timing. What happens when a person is forced to rest? One has to surrender to the feminine. Being, feeling, sensing. And what resides in the divine feminine? Magic. I thanked the universe when I heard that I should not walk on my foot too much for ten days. I looked in the mirror, and smiled, "I know what to do".

I came home from the hospital, sat down in my bed, and typed into the YouTube search bar: "Open up psychic abilities meditation". I did a few meditations and went to sleep with a happy heart. One hour later, I started to hear many birds, ravens more specifically, through my right ear. The exact ear where I felt a kind of stingy sensation during one of the meditations. My whole face trembled from the inside out, as if I am channeling an animal, kind of like a lion or a bear that is roaring. I also started to see some images, I don't remember them quite well because they were vague. But it had to do with nature and I saw a lake.

I realized that I had to completely surrender this time. These kinds of phenomena are not entirely unfamiliar to me. I finally understood why I've been experiencing sleep-paralysis since 2018 and trippy dreams since last year. It is because I am psychic, and information tries to come through me.

My foot starts to really hurt now. The anesthesia is wearing off. What were the doctors thinking to not send me home with painkillers? I have these light paracetamol pills. Maybe I should take a few, and try to fall back asleep.

Either way I think I am about done with writing for today. You will hear more from me. Writing about this is very therapeutic. My first official session of the Soul Alignment program is November 26th. But I think a lot is going to happen in between.

I am going to leave you for now, and I send you much love, because you took the time to read all the way to here <3.

Will be continued...

On days like today, I have to remind myself I'm not a neurosurgeon. I don't work at a nuclear power plant. I don't drive an ambulance.

I'm a content writer who creates clickbait articles on what type of pasta you'd be based on your personality. Accordingly, the level of panic I feel right now is unwarranted for the task at hand.

Since I've written you.

Since I've taken the time to sit in my own thoughts.

I've been giving so much recently.

Every last little glow of energy.

In the hope that they would feel safe.

Till one day there just wasn't any light left to give.

And in hat moment when you needed rest.

And used everything that was left to ask for it.

They left.

What use did they have for you if there was no more light left?

where are you going? they asked

i'm going back, i replied

to where i was

before i was

to the place where i wasn't

for i wasn't

before i was

it's where i'll be

when i'm nowhere

i'm going nowhere

i'm returning home

to the undefined lot

to nothing

11/8/2024

The names of God...

Mattered not

What you believed

Was a glimmer

Of the truth

And you love

As you hate

And you kill

Then you give

As you laugh

You cried

Your deceit

An open heart

Only lies

Forever truth

Blood flowed

While water flowed

I'm sorry

I love you

Coveted money

Sloth

Avarice

Greed

Sin

Forgive them Father

Yes you spoke the words

But did you believe

Yahweh

Jehovah

Alpha and Omega

Michael

Raphael

Jesus

For my name is legion

And we are many

Our Father in heaven

Will I at some point think of who I am now as just some someone

The sun used to set over to, the way I do to that guy the moon used to rise to

Bare and tense and thinking and thinking and thinking

Always thinking of someone’s eyes watching from the corners of his skull

- As He still does now -

And held by that black line, blinking back at me, awaiting the next few lines

Fancy words to paste onto myself and hide the things I don’t want both of us to see

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I don’t know how to write - why do I do the things I do? What makes the choices behind these words calloused and shelled. I pause. I pause a lot when I write. Thinking of the next few words. I’m trying to think of what I think of. Trying to bring that pause onto screen. To you it can seem like one continuous writing. But an average of 3 minutes clawed that gap between sentences, and sometimes words. If I wrote this with a space for every second I don’t write, I’d end up with a piece of jigsaw I broken and not jigsaw;…………… but something else. The honor system is at play here, timing myself defeats the point. Maybe 5 or 3 pauses per second.

I think I’d like to give myself a 5 Mississippi window where I can think of the next few words. I’d end up being pretty incoherent if I can’t think at all. The problem is too much thinking. Of being aware of thinking. Thinking of thinking of thinking. In and around the world. I don’t know. Just had to say something. In and around something. I have a habit of rereading what I just read. And having a slight (maybe more than slight) superiority complex about how good it is, only hidden underneath this intense self-loathing I show to balance the scale. Or maybe I think that way cause I hate myself that much that I think I’d do something so fucked and narcissistic like that. I also read to make sure I get out what I’m really trying to say. Just trying not to delete stuff I’ve written out right now just to make sure I don’t get stuck.

That happens a lot. Getting stuck. Stuck by over thinking. Because I’d rather stop and imagine what it could be like than finish the work, nose to the grinder, move against resistance, and carry the entire fucking world on that head. Easier thought than done. How does this even end?

I just realized

I fight the urge to write you

because I know how it will end:

the way it always ends between us.

Me left wanting more

than you’re willing to give.

And things being awkward and sad.

My depression can’t handle

the idea of you with someone else

so I’ve crawled into a hole and hidden.

And each time I peek out

to see if things are safe,

the fear pulls me back into this pit

I’m trapped in now.

And there’s no one in here except me.

It’s lonely and dark as a grave.

I’m hoping maybe one day

you’ll reach a hand in to help me out

but I realize it’s likely a false hope

so I’m just falling

falling

falling.

must be as Godly

a feeling

to be Good

at what one does

not

metering out in

the mendacity

of mediocrity

with the toll

of late fees

that which,

with every blunder

come due

(I don't mean

like death...

but you know

...like taxes)

every act done well

is as an hour

saved

...I know

having seen

many a cigarette

stamped out...

that these ashes

are but a coarser

form of dust

the kind formed

where meditation

met its match

and lost...

11.03.2024

Daylight… saved, spent, wasted? challenge @Mariah