2. But that doesn't mean you can't try, you know. You may not be able to become an evil dictator and sit on something vaguely resembling the iron throne, but alas, that doesn't mean you can't take control in other ways.

3. 'Cause that's what this is about, right? Control? The feeling that your life is spiralling out of your reach in a million different directions and you're trying to grasp for all of them at the same time but you can't because as soon as you think you've reached one it inches even farther away from you and then you can't breathe and -

4. Take it from me, kid (reminder to self: stop calling yourself "kid"), you can't do it all. You really can't.

5. Pick something. Focus on it. Become better at it. Love it.

6. And really, no, starting an evil dictatorship is not the way to go.

7. Don't worry about what you can't control. Worry about what you can. You can't control other people's actions, but you can control your own.

8. Maybe focus on that.

9. You're a good person, you know. Just a little lost.

10. Maybe draw yourself a map. Those tend to be helpful, albeit a little outdated (you can't find the map to where you're going on Google maps).

11. Yeah, a map is good. Follow it, and don't try to cover it all. Don't look for a world to conquer.

12. Make your own.

purplesocks in Stream of Consciousness

110 reads

Silence.

The noise is inescapable. It sounds like a swarm of a thousand angry bees buzzing around my head, clouding my thoughts and silencing my voice. Some days it’s so loud I can’t even get out of bed because I can’t think clearly enough. On other days it’s better – reduced to a faint background hum that allows me to carry on with my daily life. Most days though, it’s kind of just there, a small reminder that I’ll never be rid of it. Today, though, the noise is different. It’s shrill and piercing, a little bit angry. Bad days often have that effect. The bees today just won’t stop. I’ve tried telling them that the noise does nothing but hinder me, but I don’t really think that they care. I don’t know what it is about the noise that bothers me so much. Maybe it’s because it never stops. Maybe it’s because I feel like I’m the only one who can hear it – and maybe I am the only one who can’t shut off the noise in her head. But regardless, it’s there and it hurts, and I’m never going to get rid of it.

I try and explain it to someone. He doesn’t get it. He tells me to just turn it off. But it’s not that easy. We argue, and the noise just gets louder. A friend of mine hears the argument and taps me on the shoulder. The tap reverberates through my mind and for a moment the noise dulls down.

“Mine is elephants,” she says.

“What?”

“My noise. My brain sounds like a pair of elephants are stomping through my mind.”

“Oh. You can hear it too?”

She nods. “Everyone’s noise sounds like something.”

I took a moment to think about it – and although the swarming bees keep going, keep buzzing louder and louder and louder – I feel a little twinge of relief. I take my friend’s hand and for a moment there is complete and utter S I L E N C E.

And the silence is uncomfortable. I pull my hand away and the noise starts again, building up a gradual crescendo. I suddenly feel a little bit better, a little bit more comfortable with the noise. Maybe I don’t mind it so much after all. Maybe the bees will listen if I know what to tell them. To be honest, I’m not really sure. Maybe I’ll get used to it.

purplesocks in Introductions

145 reads

Hello.

I've been writing my entire life. As of right now, I've been finding it hard lately to find the time. I'm a 19 year old university student, studying science, and oftentimes my writing has been pushed to the side to make time for school, or family, or bills, or whatever else happens to come up.

I'm sort of hoping that joining this community will change that. I want to share my work with others, and hopefully find the motivation/time to actually write something. I'm always looking to grow and improve as a writer, and I've found that the only way to actually do that is to sit myself down and write.

So, I guess, here I go.