"I've got my bets on Fatty down low."

"You kidding? I was listening to these scoundrels talk down at Madison and they're bloody psychos! The leader wears a necklace made from bits of the spines of his victims!"

"Ah, shut up Feathers. You and your British mates haven't seen shit."

"Say what you want you wanker but I've had my fair share of gruesome sights. Being an imported farm pigeon isn't exactly a bloke's idea for the American dream!"

"Shut the hell up! All of you! The fight's about to begin!"

"You're all sick! Why do you guys consider this entertai-" Feathers was shot at 11:57 PM on December 7, 1994, as a result of his over-abundance of chirping. Gang leader Tito McDyess saw it as a distraction.

"Well, I guess Feathers was right. That guy is a 'bloody psycho.'"

(Satire.)

Bartender: “What are we having?”

Customer: “I’ll have The Prose Cocktail.”

Bartender: “Come again?”

Customer: “The Prose Cocktail. You’ve never heard of it?”

Bartender: “No one’s ever asked for that before. What exactly is in it?”

Customer: “Well, first you have to start off with five cups of metaphorical philosophy. You know, like Life is a bowl of rice, everyone is the same until they’re all gone or Clothes are the bandaids that cover the scars that can’t be healed. Then, throw in a splash of relationship issues. This is important because it provides the slight bitterness that the cocktail contains. You should also add a hint of in-the-moment fiction. I wouldn’t recommend developing a story because it’ll make the cocktail too sweet. A teaspoon is fine. Oh, and you can’t forget four tablespoons of cynicism. Most people in this world besides yourself are annoying as hell and essentially suck, which provides for the tangy flavor of the cocktail. You get all that down?”

Bartender: “You mean The Millennial?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, I don’t know how I got the name confused.”

After a long day of futile lectures and taxing quizzes, I find that there is nothing more therapeutic than watching a film. The idea that you can abandon all the facets of everyday life and submerge yourself into a fictional world without any consequence is the most appealing thing I can imagine. The mere glow of the illuminated screen is the only high I need.