The sky is blue yet all I see is gray,

Imaginary clouds obscure my faith.

Upon my life my depression does prey,

Faithfully hunted by a stalking wraith.

One with malevolent design in mind,

Striving to stifle any elation.

To render felicity wholly blind,

Triumphant, inflaming my frustration.

Dominated with malicious intent,

This entity from which I can’t escape.

Relentless pursuit, doggedly hell-bent,

Derisive, assuming a benign shape.

I sense its presence suffocating me,

Precisely extorting my liberty.

Knuckles white on the steering wheel,

Eyes fixed straight ahead.

“I kissed him,” she says,

Examining my profile seated beside her.

Could she see my heart

Leap at my throat,

Hard enough to break the skin?

As her “friend”, I must say something,

Anything really.

Just….speak.

Jaw locked, it won’t unhinge,

Muscles like stone,

Vision blurring,

I pull into the parking lot.

Breaths shallow,

Mouth dry,

I can’t look at her.

I stare out the windshield.

“It was just an experiment.”

She stares at my immovable jaw.

Waiting…

“It meant nothing, I felt nothing.”

She prods me with words.

Heart slowing,

I let my eyes meet hers

Tongue like cotton, I reply:

“That’s okay,

Maybe he’s just not the one.”

I turn my face away,

Opening the car door,

Hiding my relief.

There’s still time,

Yet a little hope

For courage to find

This weak heart of mine.

Inundated with choices,

All of them my vices.

Drowning out obstreperous voices,

You became an arbitrator, leaving me to make sacrifices. 

Written in the way you stare me down,

Was the culpability pressed into my heart.

Senseless, naive; wrecking the lovely way I was perceived.

Cultivated to be your fault.