8/15/16

"I'm Sorry."

I feel these two words are never enough.

I fear you & I are headed down a path that ends only one way: two broken hearts so tragically interwoven that they must be seperated.

in sixteen dreams i saw your words

morph into a silent song,

and fifteen second glances led

them back to right where we belong.

in fourteen paper planes i flew

my heart to you with hope and fear,

and thirteen pieces of my broken

soul told me that love was near.

in twelve rays of brilliant light

that mirrored off your splendid eyes

eleven thoughts like burning birds

flew graceful across darkened skies.

with ten whispered words you told me,

“wait and watch the fire bright!”

and nine whole minutes crumbled

in the fingertips of dancing light.

eight fiery pieces of your

broken heart you gave to me.

seven sang a song of loss

to blue jays on the hanging tree.

six and there was none but

you and i in time and space.

five whole minutes, “wait,” you said,

then let our fingers burn like lace.

in four dark nights we burnt to life,

we burnt to death ’til we were free.

three star lights, they led the way

to for evermore for you and me.

thus, two lost souls united here and

sparked the flame of freedom bright

and one charred flake of stardust floated

smoldering into the night.

They're just words,

I tell myself as I write furiously in the black book

They're just words,

I tell myself as I run from the boys who call me ugly and the girls who call me a prude

They're just words,

I tell myself when I hear my parents scream at each other in the night

They're just words,

I tell myself as I try to tell you how I feel about you and fail

They're just words,

I say as I lay down and asphyxiate myself with this enormous lump I kept in my throat

WHERE IT RAINS

Where it rains

is where no one knows.

It's hard to reveal its secrets.

It's always dark

but full of life,

It's a place of magic.

All the glistening

through the light

of a thousand stars,

But people still wonder

where it rains ...

it's the lowest feeling in the world;

having to look into the eyes of the one person

whose smile shines so bright that your knees quake

whose presence alone leaves you in awe

when you know they don't even see you

standing right in front of them

it's the lowest feeling in the world;

running around your mess of a room

books papers pens clothes posters

all you're looking for is the journal

you have to find it

otherwise this feeling you're holding onto

this one that you need to write down

this one that you need to remember

will be lost forever

and you can't find the journal in the mess

so you just cry

it's the lowest feeling in the world;

when you can't say how you feel

you cannot dictate those words and speak them

because the second you do everything will fall apart

every word you spoke yes

the words you hand picked so meticulously

thrown away

the conversations the laughter the joy

cast into the arms of violence

just like that stupid feather in Forrest Gump

you'll remember all of it but now it's nothing but a

constant reminder

it's the lowest feeling in the world;

being left behind

your hood is up and you're shielding yourself from the

icy ignorance of the person you love being

happy

without you

it's the lowest feeling in the world;

when you're young and innocent and eager to give yourself away and you

give yourself away

but you haven't yet learned that the most beautiful things in life tend to be

very fragile

so in your blind effort to be happy

and feel worthy

you crush the thing you wanted most

why didn't anyone warn you

that life is so fragile

it's the lowest feeling in the world;

choking down tears with a forced smile

you're digging a hole

so deep that the things you fear will fall so far

and they'll never escape

but you forgot that in this life

losing your balance is so easy

and by the time you realize that you've slipped

it's too late

it's the lowest feeling in the world;

you're lower now than you ever imagined was possible and you're the idiot who dug the hole

Your angel wings

Conceived our love

But Hope was raped

Bathed in tears

Limbo

Tempting

My exploited soul

Love eternal

You've always been there

For me,

Haven't you?

That was a rhetorical

Question.

My mirror mirror

On the wall, my genie in a bottle.

Always telling me

What I want

To hear.

Let me close

My eyes

And pretend I'm dead.

Allow me to make

One more wish

Before the room starts

To spin.

I love you right now.

But we both know

How much I will hate you

In the morning,

When the birds

Will be singing of our foolish night

Together

And everything

We did

And said,

Which, thanks to you,

I'll barely

Remember.

I miss you

I don't think that will ever change

I miss you. My heart keeps screaming those three words. I do not know if I love you the way I had always loved you. I do not know that I would want to be back in your arms again.

Sure, we had happy times. Times that I will surely cherish as long as I have a heart to treasure them. But time passes. Seasons change. People age. Some of us age like fine whine, and some age like tomatoes.

I think we get to choose wether our lives are like whine or tomatoes. Will be get better, or will we rot?

For you and I, it was always a struggle. We were always trying to pull one another in directions that we not meant for the other. You have your way and I have mine, but I miss you.

Your laugh echoes in my bones, and my dreams are full of us holding each other. I miss sleeping on your chest. Sleeping in your bed. Knowing you were there, like a guard to keep me safe in my most vulnerable moments. You knew that I was steel, but still treated me like an orchid. Beautiful and delicate. I miss that.

Sometimes I think that I will never find anyone who will love me like you have loved me. That is the truth. No one can love the same way as another.

I wish you well. I wish you peace. I miss you, and I pray to a god I'm not sure is there that you do not miss me! I would never wish this chaos on you. Missing someone that you don't want back in your arms is like fighting a battle against your own soul. I miss you, there is something missing, but this void is comforting. Emptiness will never keep me warm like you do, but perhaps in this void you left, something beautiful can grow.

Something beautiful can always grow if we let go and let it be. -AshleyAnne