Breathing is hard 

When you're

Struggling to see

The lack of honesty

Policy-

Dropping me off

Far from the start 

And my heart 

Beating faster, faster-

And my lungs

Trying to capture, capture-

Simple oxygen-

Box it in.

Use it before

Losing it and lock it in,

Heard the din

And your bones

Cracking a fracture, fracture-

Rapture, the new god is here,

Fact or,

Fiction!

Got us here?

Lost us near?

Dropped us 

Far from the start

And our hearts 

Beating faster, faster?

Breathing is hard,

When you're trying to see

The lack of 

Honesty

Policy

Tossing verbal stones

At these

Throats I seize?

What do you see?

Feel the breeze?

Before the storm

Comes

Born from a swarm 

Of

Anxieties?

Drop to your knees.

Hands above your head,

Swore I were dead?

Life hanging by a thread?

Conciousness,

Pled for mercy?

Dread the life this has become-

Bled at the flesh ripped open

By stress?

"Sit still."

"Be calm."

"Hush."

"Don't make waves."

Lies.

Who

Could live this way?

How

Could anyone avoid the

boldness?

"Don't question."

"Blend in."

"Go with the flow."

Impossible.

Why

Act the same as

Everyone else,

When you are,

Very clearly,

Not?

"Don't worry."

"Get over it."

How?

Sitting still

Was never

A talent of mine.

Why

Should it have been?

"Later."

Now.

Take action

For in which you

Believe.

Take flight and

Impress upon the 

Whole world 

Your,

Less-than-humble,

Thoughts.

"Paint bold strokes."

"Stand out."

"Act up."

"Scream."

"Fight."

Yes.

Never

Let

Anyone 

Stop you

From doing what you believe is

Right and

Good.

Never fear

Acting up or

Being 

Unique,

Yourself,

Special.

Society confines us

To an

Empty, black, box of

Commonality and

Correctness.

And only

You can provide yourself

An exit,

But to reach it you must

Stand tall.

T. F. S.

Commonly,

T. Surrey.

Bibliophile, guilty of epeolatry, logophile.

Struggling, hungry for success. Succeeding.

Hiding behind many pen names- never revealing which is truth.

Flashback, life story.

First grade.

Private school. Sleeping in class. Handmade planet bracelets. Studying the states. Books.

Second grade. 

Science. Wonder. Purity. Bliss. Sands from around the globe. Ostrich eggs. Dog drawing.

Third grade.

Anxiety. Screaming. Cruel words daily whispered to me by my teacher. Hair loss. Tears.

Fourth grade.

Social anxiety. Pokémon cards. Books. Multiplication. Vocab lists. Drawing.

Fifth grade.

Public school. Loud-mouthed. Sarcasm. Zebras. Private school. Anxiety. Loathing. Draw.

Middle school.

Blurry. Smelly. Edgy. Emo. Punk rock. Books. Instruments. Social anxiety.

And,

From then on, 

high school and forward, 

was the same.

Heavy sarcasm. Computer programming. Writing. Ukulele. Electric guitar. Books.

But,

What does this make me? Who am I?

Fairly average height?

Skinny, gangly?

Dirty blonde hair?

Glasses and blue eyes?

No-

Genetics made that.

Experiences made me

Thick skinned,

Loud,

An introvert who plays an extrovert to avoid being bothered,

Artsy,

Geeky,

Socially anxious, but less so than before,

Constantly laughing,

Constantly reading, 

Constantly writing,

Constantly smiling

Constantly loving,

Constantly spreading joy.

I am T. F. S.

Commonly, T. Surrey, uncommonly me.

A crunch.

Blue lights.

Car crash.

Death.

Everyone bloodied.

Forget the scene.

"Get help!"

Help, too late?

I tell myself, "Forget the scene."

Seconds too late.

Killed by a steering wheel.

Lacerated by glass.

Mom, daughter, sister? This woman was someone.

Nurse, boyfriend, son? This man had a life.

Open wounds.

Police investigate.

"Quick to die,"

Repeating, "Forget the scene."

So long, drivers.

Truck driver steps out.

"Unbelie-" he falters.

Very understandable, his confusion, frustration.

"Why this?!"

Xanthoriatic, unable to do more than trucking, surely losing this job.

You didn't mean to.

Zeal, innocence, job- lost. Forget the scene.

This was originally for a challenge to write a piece of poetry/prose alphabetically with a 100 word limit. This is 174 words, and I couldn't cut it. Alas, I am proud of it in a dark, twisted way, so I published it.

A squeal of tires.

Blue lights, red lights, amber lights.

Car crash scene.

Death, visible.

Everyone, bloodied.

Forget the scene, forget the scene.

"Get help! Someone get help!" Passersby yell.

Help came too late?

I tell myself, "Forget the scene, forget the scene."

Just seconds too late, seconds.

Killed by a steering wheel.

Lacerated by glass.

Mom, daughter, sister, best friend? This woman was something to someone.

Nurse, boyfriend, son, student? This man had a life.

Open wounds.

Police investigate.

"Quick to die," they say. "Virtually painless," they assure.

Running through my mind, "Forget the scene, forget the scene."

Say so long to the future of these innocents.

The truck driver, now accidental killer, steps out.

"Unbelievable. I never meant to.." he falters.

Very understandable, his confusion, frustration, anger, fear.

"Why me? Why them?" he falls to his knees.

Xanthoriatic, unable to find a job other than trucking, surely losing this gig.

"You.. She.. I..?" the driver yammers. Forget the scene, forget the scene.

Zeal, innocence, job- lost. Forget the scene, forget the scene.

        january

Ring in the new year!

Twenty Sixteen will be the best!

Confetti and cheers!

       february

Mosquito bit her.

World public health emergency.

We'll call it Zika.

        march

Marco Rubio,

Drops the Republican race.

Promotes Donald Trump.

           april

Beyoncé: Slay, Queen.

Drops new album, Lemonade.

Best thing in April!

          may

Kid in enclosure.

Harambe, gorilla, shot.

Immortalized meme.

           june

What you were is passed.

Fight for your nation, freedom.

Transgender army.

          july

Catch that Charizard!

Pokémon Go is released.

Nerds are outside- whoa!

         august

Impeach Dilma, now!

Brazilians vote to remove

Rousseff from office.

     september

First presidential

Debate. An adult insult

session, televised.

           october

James Charles- Gorgeous man.

Better at makeup than most girls.

CoverGirl's first boy.

       november

David Bowie. Prince.

Alan Rickman. Harper Lee.

Goodbye, many more.

      december

Oh thank God above.

Crap year finally over.

Twenty Sixteen sucked!

Normality. noun."Not whatever this shit is."

I have no idea how it started, and I have no idea if it'll ever end.

The roads were eerily quiet when I drove to school and work. A voice in my head said I needed to listen to the news radio, but I ignored it.

Mom seemed off, Dad didn't come home at all...

I should have listened to the news this morning.

They're calling it an apocalypse, the downfall of humanity. I didn't think it'd happen in my lifetime, I didn't think it'd happen at all.

Better pack my stuff.

I'm running.

I came here

Lost,

Confused,

But mainly bored.

So,

Now I type.