I don't think my friends fully know because I don't fully show it but they are what keep me alive.On multiple occasion i've thought of ending it all.I recall one time when I was holding the knife to myself ready to commit but I didn't because I had a goal.All I wanted in my life was for my friends to be happy and healthy.I know that my friends are not happy so I do what's in my power to successfully cheer them up.Multiple times I fail to do such because my own problems get in the way and change my behavior and attitude.When I fail to make someone happy and do the opposite I go home and cry.I act like it doesn't affect me but to see the face of one I care for be so sad really breaks my heart.It's my goal to put my friends first.They are my number one.They are my family.I put their happiness first.I could care less if I have suicidal thoughts.I could care less if I go home and cry myself to sleep everyday.I just care that my friends don't feel the same.My friends keep me alive so I try my best to keep them alive as well.

It hurts to know what the people I care for are going through.Others don't understand what they are going through and just succeed in making them feel even worse.Even people with good intentions can upset them because they are in reality so sensitive.They don't show their emotions because they hide it behind a fraudulent smile so people think they are okay.They are not okay but no one understands them.They are insecure.They are dejected.They are misunderstood.It hurts to see the hints of depression from my friends.They post multiple heartbreaking post on social media or they make jokes about how their life sucks but theyr'e not jokes.They hide their feelings behind a joke or smile so that other wouldn't mock them or look at them differently.It hurts to know that everyday my friends live in fear,insecurity,and sadness but still able to go out in public and pretend to be happy.I love my friends and I give them my upmost appreciation and respect.I don't fully understand my friends and they might think the same but i'm willing to do everything in my power to keep them safe.I'm going through my own battles and I believe that at least I know a thing or two.What hurts me the most is how the people I would take a bullet for think about suicide.Iv'e been through such situations and still am so I feel like I have some sort of knowledge.Then again I don't have the same thoughts as the ones I care about but I do my best to keep them safe and cared for.I love my friends and I would die for them.I'm not afraid of death.I'm not afraid of my well being.I'm afraid for the health of the ones i care for.I love them.

Halloween. Halloween. Halloween. The time of demons and ghouls. Ghosts and scary monsters. The time of horror movies. And most recognised for.... Costumes! But each year it gets sadder. The older you get, the less you see people dress up and enjoy Halloween. My opinion? I love Halloween. Not my favorite, my second favorite (Christmas is first). But for example , this year as I went trick or treating I noticed that some of my favorite houses to go to were not open for Halloween. Which is sad (to me). I know you might not give a damn but...yeah. Its sad to see kids who loved to dress up not dress. Everything is moving very quickly to me.....

Thank you for reading this "rant" i guess. And last but not least, Chocolate Cake ;)........

Dreams are pretty interesting aren't they? They can mean so many things. They can show many thing, thing you desire, and things you wish to never see. Over the years I have had many bizzare dreams, things I resent and things I want. Sometimes I have dreams that show me the future. Déjà vu. These type of dreams are very interesting because you dont know it until it actually happens. Dreams are interesting. They can show you beautiful things and make you happy...or they can show you horrible things, give you nightmares and make you cower in fear. Another thing about them is that a lot of them you cant remember. But some of them are unforgettable (in a good way or a bad way). Dreams are an intersting thing, dont ya think?