The lines have blurred

I once was young

Now i know better

A split moment

A word spoken in anger

One bad choice

Just another life lost

Unable to break for grief

My natural state

Fight or flight

Danger has been my constant trend

Can’t think of blending in

When death may be around the next bend

Just another homeless night

The hearts of humans

Things i just can’t seem to comprehend

Moments from my life haunt my memories

The insides of my head

Demons dancing the macarena

My mother’s pain breaks my heart

You hear about kids forced to stay in a closet

I stayed there to hide from my single father parent

Buckled down deep in the back hoping i wasn’t found

I made up lies about the pain

That i tried dearly to believe

Now i know these pains weren’t caused by me

Then I just wanted to be loved

32 and many things have changed

That’s not one

Sleep tries to evade me every night

Nightmares replay my worst experiences

Abuse as a child

Neglect

Foster care

Being powerless, misdiagnosed and overmedicated

Homelessness

Drug addiction

Violent ex-husband

Rapes

Assaults

Friends dying before my eyes

And images of inside institutions;

Foster care institutions

Mental institutions

Prisons

In vivid detail like some sick time loop

I’ve grown numb

When you're taken out of society

You lose your place

I believe the people i love fear i am mad

PTSD is not a mental illness though

It’s the scars of all the time spent fighting

Fighting against violence

Fighting for self-preservation

Fighting to live

Adapting to environments isn’t mental illness

It’s survival

What will i find at the end of this

Journey 4 Love

Down and out once again

Wishing someone would take me in

Can't stand these violent cunts

Who strut about calling me crazy

Calling me lazy

Color me relieved as they walk on by

Disappointed I wasn't sad to see you go

Imagining you dying head first in that pile of snow

Keep getting told i'm way too negative

Can't understand what your telling me

How you think you know what's best for me

With those shriveled smiles on their faces

When i'm doing my best just to fake it

Playing at placating the masses

Sounds-like drowning in molasses

I'm sorry your broken too

But that's not my pain

My feet are torn from the path I've blazed

I'm tired of your positivities

If its at my dignity's sake

So make no mistake

Meek doesn't equate to weak

So call me a freak

Gay isn't lame

Make me your shame

So you can hide behind

That blighted smile once more

Let me be that kind of whore

Sexual abuse is eating me

crawling along inside of me

stewing underneath the surface

of my delightful mental stream

my anger seems unjust

yet i am bleeding still

i just can't share the stain

minimize my pain

minimize my life

pretend there is no rain

as this torrential flood

washes away my very soul

leaves me cold and insincere

try and block it out

your dead and gone

i live on full of regret

so keep pretending

your pain means more than mine

minimize my pain

minimize my life

I may be a shit stain

Fruits don't fall far from the tree you see

i AM

Everything you've made me

Is ignorance so blissful

tempted to lay it down

Don't you love that sound

Silence may set you free

But it condemns me

minimize my pain

minimize my life

just know as long as i am chained

you will never be free

just as your actions

haunt my memories

my life is my revenge

so be my guest

and carry on

just skip this song

you weren't worth it all along

Deep in the sky across the universe from here

Lies the mysteries of who we are

The extent of who we could be,

When will we be able to see

Beyond our individuality collectively

All the things that we truly have to offer,

The extent of our possibilities are unfathomableness

Like the depths of the night sky

Filled with stars as far as the eye can see,

Will we continue to let the gaps of the known

Shackle us to this ground we now call home,

Unintelligent creatures of mass destruction

Allowing a few to profit off the misery of us all

Destined to destroy each other and this world,

Or will we break free from these binds

Hold one another to a higher standard of morals

Stop allowing profit to dictate our destinies

Freeing the highest form of education for the masses,

Breaking the mold so every single individual

May explore the furthest reaches of their unknowns

Bringing the mysteries of this universe home,

Where we meant to just fall in line

Just another tragedy of the times,

Or are we destined to fly through the sky

Shooting Stars who have yet to learn to fly!

Deep in the sky across the universe from here

Lies the mysteries of who we are

The extent of who we could be,

When will we be able to see

Beyond our individuality collectively

All the things that we truly have to offer,

The extent of our possibilities are unfathomableness

Like the depths of the night sky

Filled with stars as far as the eye can see,

Will we continue to let the gaps of the known

Shackle us to this ground we now call home,

Unintelligent creatures of mass destruction

Allowing a few to profit off the misery of us all

Destined to destroy each other and this world,

Or will we break free from these binds

Hold one another to a higher standard of morals

Stop allowing profit to dictate our destinies

Freeing the highest form of education for the masses,

Breaking the mold so every single individual

May explore the furthest reaches of their unknowns

Bringing the mysteries of this universe home,

Where we meant to just fall in line

Just another tragedy of the times,

Or are we destined to fly through the sky

Shooting Stars who have yet to learn to fly!

Mad scientist with no feet

Keep walking while bleeding out

Mesmerized by the dot

You think I'm insane

Sure enough it's written right here in the membrane

Koopa koopa

The troops refuse to stop

Until I drop

Tantalizing is the superficial

Waking in the space time

Reset

next line

triviality

Craving shame

Finding none

Am i a loser maybe

And then

Feeling like I'm stuck in a re run

I've so seen this one

Skip next fun

Acting in the end scene

What happen to the read through

Full schedule

Empty lines I read through

Change stance

Fault unknown

Couldn't be unified

Built to die

Flaws in the design

Short sighted

Built for pain tolerance

Stained

Blotches on a canvas

Streams of memories

Contained in code

Bleeding out

As i walk down this road

Sexual abuse is eating me

crawling along inside of me

stewing underneath the surface

of my delightful mental stream

my anger seems unjust

yet i am bleeding still

i just can't share the stain

minimize my pain

minimize my life

pretend there is no rain

as this torrential flood

washes away my very soul

leaves me cold and insincere

try and block it out

your dead and gone

i live on still full of regret

so keep pretending

your pain means more than mine

minimize my pain

minimize my life

I may be a shit stain

Fruits don't fall far from the tree you see

i AM

Everything you've made me

Is ignorance so blissful

tempted to lay it down

Don't you love that sound

Silence may set you free

But it condemns me

minimize my pain

minimize my life

just know as long as i am chained

you will never be free

just as your actions

haunt my memories

my life is my revenge

so be my guest

and carry on

just skip this song

you weren't worth it all along