Must've been

Kindergarten

Livin in a

World

yet to

harden

me

To Run

December 17, 2024

Once, when I wore a younger man's clothes (thanks, Billy Joel)

I ran

I ran instead of walking

Instead of driving

I ran because I could

I lost weight

I gained speed

And strength

And stamina

I ran because I heard the whisper in my ear

That I could soar

On gossamer wings

I would not set records

Except those that held myself accountable

I ran to release

I ran to escape

I ran think

Then I stopped

I had been nearly 30 years

Since I ran

Two nights ago

I got the urge

It was more of a brisk walk

It was more of an endured pain

I had cramps, aches, and shortness of breath

Death laughed at me

Not because it was my time

But, because he enjoyed my self-inflicted misery

Tomorrow, when I am healed,

I will run again

A little farther

A little further

Toward a goal

Known only to three people

Namely me, myself, and I

If Death wishes to join me

I hope he can keep up

I am old

But, he is older

I like my odds

Ah yes very funny. My mother is many things but that which you claimed in your impromptu MOMMA joke, seems as though you barley were able to fully remember nor postulate even though you've chose that specific limerick'ish a time or twoo many against other's Mother's.

So while it may or may not be true,

We both know for certain

YOUR Mother, as unfuckable as she was and is

Somehow scammed her way into the Gene pool just like Grammy taught her, And, by an absolute near impossibility

Let her 1 non-reptilian 'egg' get woo'd by the literal least likely to fertilize-thee-egg sperm out of the 100s of dozens that weren't allowed to suicide with the rest when they saw what awaited them at the end of the tunnel.

You, won the lottery twice my fellow sperm.

Once, when you figured out how to operate as a single cell organism

Then again

When you made the call that Daddy wasn't tricking all the single cellies with some rusted sock or muddy hole in the ground and that THIS was it! the big chance (with the added bonus of the trip being 75%+ shorter than anticipated for reasons, not really science related like wormholes, but kind of)

So My mother, double breasted & not a fan of any type of Marlboro, yes

she is a what have you

And your's, itShe

Has managed to come into contact with a total of 1 ejaculation in her 25,000+ days here

And my God from that came..

(stares at him waiting for an answer which does eventually come, "me?")

Ah I'm just pokin your eye here ya go buddy. (Hands the well traveled wallet condom he's had in there since that Highschool health class)

Don't go spending it all in one place now

I was winning the battle with fighting back the tears, the lip quivers

So much so I couldn't think of anything to say

In that final moment, all I could get out without barfing up trauma or plain self pity

"See you on the other side..."

As the monitor started screeching about what was already known

"No, you won't"

Livin In this world

I dont know much

Out of if place

Gettin' Out of touch

No opinions

on this

or that

Can't say that I do or dont know Jack

The well runs deep

Runs all the time

Til one day i woke up

That well ran dry

Don't know what happened

Don't know why

The only moisture that wells got

Dried up my eyes

Accismus

December 15, 2024

Gerald accepted the invitation to Heather’s wedding.

He didn’t want to, but he told himself, in doing so, he could be a gracious man,

His time with Heather was brief and passionate. He told her of his dreams. She wanted to be part of them all. Their future was assured.

Then came Frank.

Within a mere month, all that Gerald was, was not enough. Frank had more. Frank was better in every way. Frank was the man Gerald was not.

And Frank took Heather to be his bride.

“Perhaps it was for the best,” Gerald reminded himself. “I will find another.” “There are other fish in the sea.”

His friends knew these were all lies. Gerald put on a brave face, but was dying inside. It was only a matter of time before something had to give.

No one knew what was going to give, but smart money knew when and where it would give.

In the days leading up to the wedding, Gerald purchased a new suit and browsed the bridal registry. He purchased that espresso machine for the pair. He used to watch Heather delight in hearing the sounds and smelling the aroma emanating from the expensive device. It was to be their Sunday morning start of the day. It was now to be shared by another.

On the day of the wedding, Frank checked himself in the mirror and began the short walk to the chapel. He donated his wedding deposit instead of retrieving it. The minister could use the money he told himself. The minister could use the money. He purchased some paint and spruced up the quaint building for today’s ceremony.

At least Gerald could take it as a tax deduction, the minister told him.

Gerald entered the chapel cautiously, wondering how things could have been. His car could have been draped with the chotskies of the event. Usually, he kept his car showroom perfect. Today, he would have let that lapse.

The organist played the song perfectly as the bride entered back lit by the late morning sun. Heather looked radiant in the gown Gerald paid for. She never brought up the subject during the breakup. She assumed it would be a topic for later.

The small congregation seated themselves for the vows and exchange of rings.

Only,

Both events did occur, but not with the bride, but the bride’s maid. Frank met Dolores last night at the rehearsal dinner and the rest is history. The name on the marriage license was Dolores, so the minister already knew. Perhaps he needed a new roof for his silence.

So much is possible with a tax deduction.

Heather began crying. Frank and Dolores finished their ceremony and departed as man and wife.

There was an awkward silence in which Gerald had the opportunity to act. He could save the day. He could step up. He could be the hero.

Only,

Gerald decided otherwise. Being closest to the door, he departed without interference. He waved goodbye to the new couple and began his walk back to his apartment. He understood the collected eyes of EVERYONE in town were on him now. He would suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune for a while. Then, things would settle down. Heather would tire of the gossip and move to parts unknown. There would be future scandals to shake the foundations of the town.

Today would pass.

Gerald decided this was to be as he unholstered is Beretta 92FS, removing the magazine, and then removing the 15 rounds of hollow point 9mm ammunition. For the brass inscribed with the names of the minister, Frank, Heather, and himself, Gerald pulled the bullets, cast the powder to the winds, and collected the brass as the useless garbage they became.

He never discovered the taste of sour grapes after all.

Schizophrenia doesn't always pass down to the next victim/generation just because it had as far back as the confusing family-tree could prove.

But

The alcoholism that each branch attracted via their eventual termmi/ates tends to be a symbiotic inevitably that has proven to be most useful in very specific little God sends whose blossom's make forbidden fruit feel like an edible lottery ticket you didn't even know you'd been the owner and rightful ingestor to be (should you be hungry for upon the accidental discovery of).

What does this mean in the real world you and these saps have grown attached to?

Waking up find the almost mailed response to a correspondence you didn't know existed, that (you) really should've never even considered starting BUT now really want to know where it all began where it's going and why the hell you've never even kinda remembered reading the response mail from.

For the more digital branches of this tree

Opening an old laptop after finally cracking the password only to find in the browser history that wasn't fully scrubbed proper - some Account on a gaming platform that upon further lucid meddling shows a black market merchant who manages to store wealth in the items bought/+collectable in game while having a transaction History that indicates selling of the rarest inventory items right around all those rough patches you Acted Like A Man and swallowed the stress that needed a chaser that's full circled you now into chasing a rabbit down a hole which started at the Nice Trees Upper middle portion and is leading you into an abyss you're wondering if it'd be better to back away slowly and fill with the bendable branches still growing from the base to feed the hole with unlimited ___

OR

(Insert action done that caused the lapses in time and space you somehow just now are aware of)

Then

For those that this happens to be for example watering the tree with flammable liquids= Pour more + without looking, Pour some directly into and all around the

Gift'ree wHorses mouth that Rabbit tried dragging you deep down into

Sounds of a garbage disposal sink system being pushed to its absolute mechanical limits can be heard from every room in the apartment; the floors above and below it wake up to the grinding metal shards bumper car'ing into one another.

Something about letting them all swarm and fight over the fridges molded leftovers over night,

then getting the privilege of waking up to the garbage disposal being so flooded with those little cockroach mother fuckers that I can't even elbow grease another single solitary wing down into the magic hole until death rattling the load that's in there with the warm water running for a bit loosens things up.

Me and these coacsuckers have been at war ever since they moved in rent free (trying to state squatters rights or some shit like we live in a vacationing state where winter only comes after a nuke fails to kill their shelly asses)

Guess what?

"It ain't gonna take me a nuke to get rid of every last one of yous!"

The slumlord did one good thing when piling up this shit shack, concrete walls. No need for a gym just gonna bob n cleave these micro-bastards til my knuckles swell enough to have a mind of their own and tell me what to do next.

This place has become a super-highway and I don't intend on opening any more rest stops.

I flush em. The long wait afterword angers the survivors and the flying ones bounce around the closed lid

like some coked up genies with a dwindling supply.

I had a tub. I left a rather ripe post workout marinade film on the bottom that I added a full bear of honey to.

Once the white'ish porcelain turned to a blackout layers deep, my imperfectly measured homemade pool cover got placed over the top and I use this flesh n bone concoction God gave me to press the pool cover down and juice these coacs until the crunching stops.

I leave the last shovels worth in there to preserve in the clear dog shit bags to have fresh ready for Slumlord when he decides to show up Monday, or Tuesday. His door knob is shaped like half a heart and is perfect for tying bags of presents to especially if you just use the bottom to stab things through so their just barley not ripping apart while dripping through little by little on these hot humid heat waves.

The son of a bitch has no heart on the other side of that door! A genocide happening on his own species under his very roof & all he does is toss the bags out the window that soon enough will be too full of all us resident's gifts and will obstruct his perfect Emperial view of the Alleys many Bum Fights that we've fixed and pay me and a few neighbor's rent from a very mild Vig.

"Drugs aren't my problem

My problem

Is I'm a creature of habit and haven't taken enough time off consecutively to make those drugs work as effectively as they once did.

Now, the accumulation seems worse than it is because it's being looked at by eyes of a newbie or abstainer whom couldn't handle the total load, and is judging things from their Start From Go perspective

In reality, their pot or 2 a day coffee intake would make the average fool shit themselves silly and have the shit smudged all over their cheeks from the jiittteriing

I don't have a drug problem, I have a consistency problem THAT means I simply follow through more than the average, and need to Procrastinate in my rituals to obtain a better outcome in regards to

X-Ingested v s. X-returnrate"

You know those study-aid pills I've been selling you from my kids scripts were, and I didn't know this ...

' Placebo '. "?

"And you're telling me this, why?"