Stop crawling back to me

When you see I have someone new

You’re only causing me more pain

More bullshit I have to sift through

I’ve finally decided to move on

I’ve finally shed the tears

Yet still you won’t leave me alone

You prey on my dark fears

You broke my virgin heart

You twisted my innocent mind

I am afraid of what you did

You messed me up inside

End the cycle of heartache

End the cycle of grief

Let the chaos heal to calm

And breathe a sigh of relief.

I sit

Shyly

Next to you

I don’t speak

Quiet

Just music

You touch

My hand

Gently

You place

My fingers

On the strings

Warmth

Flows through

My body

As I play

Music

You taught me

I wonder

Can he teach

Love

But I know

You focus only

On the song

When you look at me

With no words

Just love

I shiver.

When you reach for my hand

With no words

Just love

I shiver.

I shiver

Because my body

Can barely handle

The intensity

Of your feelings

For me.

I’ve never known another

Who could make me react

So passionately

To their touch

Or their gaze

Besides you.

- I hope the shivers never go away.

Burning bright light

Piercing bright light

Never fading

Always degrading

Makes me feel small

The light strikes

The light abuses

The light violates

Stopping only

To love itself

Instead of me

I no longer want to be the star

I’ll stay in the dark shadows

No curtain call for me

The spotlight will remain

But I will not take my bow.

Sometimes

When it’s just me

Alone in my room

I’ll listen to sad songs

And cry on repeat

There’s vulnerability

In sad songs

They expose raw nerves

Burn sensitive skin

Create ugly scars

I’m a mess

But I’ll listen to sad songs

And cry on repeat

Until I heal

No more sympathy

I can’t

I shouldn’t

I won’t

Let you win

We weren’t playing a game

But I gave you first place.

Why am I letting you control me?

We are two separate people

Two minds

Two hearts

Two souls

Different

Divergent.

And yet I devoted myself to you

Gave everything to you

Let you take me over

Without consent

For I was wasted

Drunk

From teenage love

That existed only

In my head.

-do not believe every “I love you”

I will never understand

How someone can see a rose

So beautiful

Take it for their own

Planning to care for it

But instead put it in a vase

Filled with nothing but air

Killing it

Then act confused

When the petals are broken

And the flower is wilted.

Sitting

In the passenger seat

Leaning my head

Against the window

Letting my mind

Wander

No responsibilities

No problems

No trials

Or tribulations

Just me

And the glass

Just me

And the passing cars

-Life doesn't give us enough of these moments

But it's the little things

A smile

A gentle touch

A warm hello

A laugh

That make me love you

Not the gifts

Not the flowers

Not the gestures

Not even the kisses

You could stand

With empty hands and closed lips

And still would I run through the storm

To be held in your arms.