i don’t want to be a different gender, but i also don’t want to continue being my current gender (more like the gender i was assigned, i’m still closeted). i want to be just...me, i guess. i don’t want to be a girl or a boy. just me. i want to be treated fairly regardless of my gender. i want to be able to live my life the way i want to regardless of my gender. i want to be given the same opportunities as everybody else regardless of my gender. but most of all, i want to be able love myself regardless of my gender.

i’m AFAB (assigned female at birth), and most people, or i guess, all people assume that i’m a girl, and i don’t blame then. i present feminine because masculine looks and outfits just don’t fit me. i’d love to present masculine, but it just doesn’t look good on me, so i just stick with presenting feminine. and because of that, it makes sense that i get called “lady”, “ma’am”, “miss”, and have people use she/her pronouns on me. but that doesn’t mean i’m ok with it. i’m non-binary and use they/them pronouns, so hearing things like that being used on me makes me dysphoric and overall, just awful.

i used to think that i wanted to be a boy then. if i didn’t want to be a girl, then a boy must be it. but after a lot of thinking and crying, i realized that i didn’t want to be a boy. i didn’t want to be either. i don’t want a gender. i wanted to be me, just a person. i guess that’s why the term non-binary just felt right. because it was me, it was who i am. me. i’m me, regardless of what my gender is or what i choose to identify as, and i want the world to be ok with that.

of course, the world won’t be. not the whole world, just some. people will tell me that my pronouns aren’t “gramatically correct” and that being non-binary isn’t a real thing. but there will also be people supporting me no matter what, validating me and making sure that i never feel ashamed of who i am, and i’m glad that there’s people in my life like that. i hope everybody gets the chance to meet people like that. those people care about and love me for who i am, regardless of my gender, and i hope to get to that point some day.

like the title says, gender is stupid. it’s a social construct that does more harm than good. i'm not sure if it even does any good. who cares if men want to wear dresses or paint their nails? doesn’t make them any less of a man. if women want to wear suits and look masculine and not dainty at all, let them be, they’re still women. at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself:

“are they hurting me, others, or theirselves?”

if the answer is no, then move on. it’s their life, let them live it. if the answer is yes, it’s probably not because of what they’re wearing. if it is, you’re either dramatic, or their beautiful and stunning looks are killing you /half-joking (this a dialogue tag for those who don’t know, usually looks like -> /hj).

that was a rant and a little off topic, but still needs to be said. stop dictating other people’s lives.

so i guess what i’m trying to say is, gender just doesn’t do it for me. i don’t want to be the gender i was assigned as, and i also don’t want to be a differnt gender. why should i have to be put into this little box and have it define me for the rest of my life? that's not who i am or who i want to be. i’m me, a person. not a girl or a boy, me. i’m me, and that’s good enough for me.

Parts of this prison

Glow like a prism

When sunbeams

Hit raindrops

On windows

They glisten

And glint

Leave maps

And hints

In condensation

When fingers flick

Altered acrylic

Like scrolls

Like scriptures

Burnt holes in Perspex pictures

Pressed lips blow cold O’s

That break free

Ascend

And dissolve

Like all signs over time

Like hope

Rip up bed sheets

Make a rope

Nope

She said

You live in your head

You’re missing a lot things

You’re missing a lot of things

Salvation is a credit rating

Fear not of man

Or divine entities

But did god get the best of me

Cos this temple has a very high entrance fee

Salvation is a credit rating

Fear not of man

Or divine entities

But did god get the best of me

Cos this temple has a very high exit fee.

Where are you going to Hope Anne?

Why are you looking so fine?

Don’t you worry none Hope Anne?

I know you were never mine

You didn’t know the day I found you

Was the worst day of my life

My world had crashed around me

I felt the sharp edge of the knife

But you gave me your attention

And I held onto it tight

Like a light into the darkness

Like a becon in the night

Where are you going to Hope Anne?

Why are you looking so fine?

Don’t you worry none Hope Anne

I know you were never mine

I never took one day for granted

Because I knew one day you’d go

I kept the things you gave me

and I wanted you to know

You helped me through my troubles

You helped me through the storm

I’m on the other side now

Where I am safe and warm

Where are you going to Hope Anne?

Why are you looking so fine?

Don’t you worry none Hope Anne

I know you were never mine

The boys that sit behind me... they're idiots.

I don't know how they're alive.

If this were ancient times- they would 100% be dead.

All they do is chatter on while I try to take notes.

That's something they don't do by the way- take notes.

Right now they're talking about getting with this girl.

She's way out of their league.

It's like this every day.

Every. Single. Day.

They talk during every lecture.

They play on thier phones in class.

They don't pay attention, or do the classwork.

The future is doomed.

It's a group of three

And they probably share one braincell.

If they even have that, that is.

What do they even store in their heads?

Not anything of use, that's for sure.

I'm pretty sure their vocabulary only consists of the word 'bro'.

And even not in class, they're annoying.

As they walk through tthe hallways, I think they just try to yell.

Those three are idiots.

Overall-

The future is doomed.

Alcott Hewitt held a pen,

called “crazy” by his brethren.

Abaddon Morte held an axe

big enough to turn the earth to wax.

Many champions tried and failed

to best this hellish beast, to no avail.

every time they stepped up, their plan went askew

that vile axe cleaved them in two.

But one man stood convinced

he could face the beast and never wince.

“Hey look, it’s crazy Alcott Hewitt, trying to face the fiend”

the crowd said, amused as they convened.

Abaddon laughed with glee,

he said “Young man, you’d better flee.

Your comrades think you nothing but nuts.”

Alcott retorts, “This pen may not be sharp, but it cuts!”

Abaddon responds with a grin,

Some poor fellow's blood staining his chin.

"Fool, you've made your last gaffe!

With this axe, I'll cut you in half!"

And so he made good on his promise

Abaddon for once, was honest.

Alcott, now gone from this joint

Unbeknownst to Abaddon, had already proven his point.

People wrote of his deed for years to come

When they spoke his name, they banged a drum.

And soon came the day that Abaddon was done:

A battle lost, a battle won.