i break and fight

i fight and break

no matter where I go

I am not whole

my soul has been shattered

crushed

crumbled

and burned

i have so much to give

Would you let me hold your hand?

Why would I want to do that?

It’s warm,

No

and soft.

I don’t want to.

And you would be the very first one.

…

Ok, ignore me.

…

I still like you though.

Yes

What?

I will hold your hand.

Why?

I just spat on it.

I will still hold your hand.

Good. Because you still have my offer.

Is my hand warm?

Did I spit on mine?

Must be a yes.

Yes

Is it soft then too?

Do I think you’re cute?

I think that’s a yes.

That’s a yes.

You might recall what happened a few months ago. When I mixed the unlabeled canister of rat poison into the mashed potatoes on accident and killed Lou Ann.

It should have been me, not her.

I'm sorry that you won't have any daughters left.

I love you, but forgetting is more important.

She made faces at me to

Make me laugh, and when it worked

She laughed too at

My laughter.

She put a hand on my shoulder and just

Left it there

For a moment,

While I slowly died inside, wishing I was

Brave enough to put

My hand on hers.

Later,

She was sitting in a nest chair

Playing on her phone and I

Sat there for about

Two minutes trying to

Work up the courage to ask her

If I could braid her hair.

But then she said

Yes,

And pulled one long ponytail over her shoulder and

Handed it to me.

Her hair was in two sections, braided on top of her head and flowing in

Two almost-waist-length ponytails down her back.

I knelt behind her and

Brushed my fingers through her hair before

Braiding it.

It was soft and

Touching it was calming.

We were quiet, just

Sitting in peaceful coexistence.

She started singing softly, and

I joined in and the world

Seemed to slow down for a moment.

I took the other section of her hair and

Braided it into several pieces, separating it and

Separating it again, not wanting to

Stop

Touching it.

She leaned her head back on the chair and

I smiled at her, though she was

Facing away from me.

“Did you make me pretty?” she asked.

“You’re pretty,” I said and

In my head I added “already,” but I

Wasn’t brave enough to

Say it out loud.

If you could

Stay in this moment forever

Would you?

Stand, stand I say!

You fellows continue on without me.

I will rest here

For some while, but very soon I will

Pull the dagger

From myself and take up arms once again.

#poetry

the wind the ocean the trees

listen to the whispers

hear the buzzing bees?

Gaia is hurting

poison destruction chaos

everywhere

listen to her cries

gloom & despair

Athena