Change used to not be so bad

But now, change is the reason I'm sad.

To much change, changes you.

It can change emotions too.

I used to be fine and go with the flow

But now, I'm hiding from the fact I'm scared to.

Change can be good, change can be bad.

In the end you'll be glad. 

Once I was a master of cards

Of games pitched by skeletons

Of odds and overs and endless bankrolls

Of three bets and percentages

Pot odds and tells

So close to Hell for almost 30 years

I would often smoke camels in the rain

with Lucifer himself

Sun rising over neon lights

Or sometimes worse

Mafia fights

Hundred dollar bills wrapped in old socks

Four AM grind until the odds

would lay naked in my favor.

Cheerio boxes and black magic

A world very few understand

The upper crust of props and shills

Old school died off and left the tricks

To the chosen few

I am one even

I am none odd

I left that game to play with you

So ante up and blow off your stack

I'm watching from the rail

I'll not die today to see the soul another day, until the day...come today! or...no...no...no...not today, because I'll see the soul another day, I'll see them another day! it's ok my dignity and honestly...I don't even care what you cruel got to say, and why would I care...if the soul met me today?! go...go, go away, I don't care what'd you say I'll survive I'll make it to the other day, because I've met the soul today! feed my selfishness until the day come, but not today.

Your yellow smile refreshed me all, body and soul, and thoughts fighting the cruelty.

I wish your soul meets me someday to tell you about today and Thank you..Thank you for the clock and thank you for the yellow smile...I'll keep it on the left buk.

However, I'm really sorry, to you I'll sorry forever, forgivenesses for my selfishness, excuse my weakness but to me!..I'll never forgive this. please, sorry! and forgiveness.

And hey!.....thanks to your soul for the touch.

Sometimes the most broken are the most willing to help you.

Sometimes the most happy are the ones who cry themselves to sleep.

Sometimes the most outgoing feel the loneliest.

Sometimes the ones who are fearless are afraid to talk about their feelings.

Sometimes the ones who help are the ones who are scarred themselves.

Sometimes we lie because we are afraid of a result of the truth.

Sometimes we smile the most when we are hiding a broken life.

Thank you jesus, good night brah! oh wait...is it good, is it night at all? why do I see the stars? what time is it bro? the same as yesterday? well tell me next 3, or 5, decades. don't wake me up do not even bother, let it be 3-5 decades and then we'll see, agree?

                        ---Middle Finger--- to my weakness and Ness-s... 

Something triggered something, lost in something, flying still. can I say something ? yeah...I been saying all day like maybe 2, 3 or 4, ahh...I think I now know I just noticed something. yeah, the trigger at the dangerous zone in the green Keiser's hand, yes, I remember now I had shadow friend but that day when we met with the green Keiser, he couldn't bear the truth. or false was it? I honestly doubt that I know but i think he freaked out and ran away then lost suddenly vanished and left me alone with the green keisar playing me truth or false. is this real dream, or it is really real? I am lost too.

Paranoia triggered paranoia, is this meant to be this way? Are teenagers not mean? if so, then why pulled the trigger if they know my shadow is coward, got him confused with different colors. well...comfort him now and state your color blue or green? are you really azure? if there's something forever then, please enough and start again but if you just loved this game, then please! not today. and please no pity too...

You know what? I'm a member of famous club I didn't play all games but watched them all and learned the rules. in fact, I'm experienced veteran fought for my country once with honor and dignity. In field I'm leo, I see my enemy at distance of miles and sense when their adrenaline flooded, and most importantly! I can take a bullet..with honor and dignity that's all what veterans got for their home like, everything or nothing at all and pettiness does not revive the soul. veteran's soul is selfish and selfless.

They watching out for you while you sleep with secret weapon in the heart, with blood. when you wake up you do not even notice, because as you wake up they be gone, because the veterans do not show weakness.