I can be IMPATIENT.

Sometimes silence can be so LOUD.

OPPORTUNITY lost quicker than it was given.

Each with our own idea of VALUE.

Our paths merely an EQUINOX of our souls.

Such a YEARNING to be close.

Reality is, it was more than an OPTION.

I was caught like an UMBRELLA in the wind.

You TOOK my breath away with your smile.

Listening to the RACING of your heartbeat.

Memories of ACROBATS in the dark.

Gazing at the VIOLET twilight with only the stars.

IMAGINING more than a walk on the beach.

This is my SIGNAL fire.

It was our moment in time.

The light in your eyes danced in my soul.

You awakened me.

Honey eyes indeed!

I tasted all of you, so sweet.

Loving every inch of you with my eyes.

The quality of your sweet gestures and your touch that felt so real.

Soft, soothing, and safe.

Our minds danced miles and beyond miles into the galaxy.

The tone of your voice and language of your thoughts a symphony to my ears.

That light went out and off you go chasing your dreams.

A piece of my heart following as if to leave you bread crumbs back to me someday.

Just a moment…..

I have but one simple heart. My heart is open wide to the world. I give my love, and receive hurt and pain, for my love is not enough. My simple heart cannot dry the tears. The old man on the street with a bag of memories in two worn hands, give shelter out of the cold, but my simple heart cannot heal the war of his wounds. I cry. I cry the pain of loneliness, I cry for the people; I cry for the wounded, I cry for the angry. My simple heart has given out so much. It is empty for me. It bleeds for those I hold dear who do not realize this greater gift of love I have. I feel the love of the world and the pain. Is there not one that my simple heart will not drowned with this great gift of love? Is there not one to share this pain and turn this bleeding hurt around? How do I heal the wounds dug so deep? I love you………..if you cut me, will I not bleed? Your words are like the daggers pinioned into my soul. I must suffer for I do not feel worthy of your love or kindness. The guilt of my shame carried on my shoulders like the weight of a thousand worlds. I am never enough, my simple heart to bleed cold.

(Written about 10 years ago)

She was sitting beside him as him came in closer and brushed her hair from her one eye. She flushed and turned her head, but he gently pulled her chin back toward him and then it happened. He kissed her. Never had she been kissed before. The excitement. The fire in her body coming alive. Such feelings she had never experienced before. She thought she should have her eyes closed as she saw sometimes on the movies and so she closed them. Sweet soft kisses kept coming to her lips. Taking her breath away. Her tender nipples so hard, they hurt brushing against her training bra. Then she felt his hand. He touched her young, tender, breasts. What was happening? Was she ready for this? The fear and excitement clouded her mind. His kisses started to get faster and harder, grabbing her supple breasts. Before she knew what was happening, he had laid her down onto the seat. Forcing her down. The boys free hand went up her dress and to her moistened panties. She tried to pull away at this point. His solid weight pinned her down. His other hand in her blouse, pulling her perky tits, pink and tender out of the training bra. Trying to fight to get free, but yet the thrill of the hot, hard kisses, bruising her lips. His other hand ripped her panties off and undid his pants. Her own body betraying her as he touched her clitoris. She felt the hot, hard stab between her legs. Forcing his way in. The searing pain, hot and shooting. Tears streaming down her face. In and out, each time stabbing deeper. Faster and harder, his body slapping against hers. She was lost somewhere. He made a weird noise and his body stiffened.

I am a painter and you my canvas.

How can I paint you so lovely as you are?

Something so flat and dull when you are so much more.

I see you naked, tall and strong.

Milky white skin.

Your hair, a dirty blonde.

A strong jaw line, and deep brow.

Eyes so blue.

Lips full and inviting.

Shoulders, broad.

Hair scattered across your chest.

Soft curves of every fold of your manliness.

My paintbrush now touches your flesh.

Each stroke of my brush, painting you hard.

Delight to my eyes.

Quickening between my thighs.

I drop to my knees.

Drop the brush.

My art, my masterpiece.

Two-dimensional passion.

I was lost, I could not see.

Where had I gone? It was not me.

You took my hand and once again there I was.

My heart is open, the world is grand.

I can now do the work that's in my plan.

Back to me where I had begun,

loving, smiling, and lots of fun!

Time is indeed what you make of it.

If your time is spent being selfish,

Then your time is alone.

If your time is spent with strangers,

Your time is lonely.

If your time is with people who know and love you

And you spend your time loving them

Instead of just yourself,

Then time is priceless.

I had a beautiful butterfly. 

I could not keep him under glass

for it would suffocate him. 

I could not hold him too tightly

for then he would not be able to fly. 

With all the love in my heart,

I opened my hands and set him free. 

I lay breathless, unable to fly.

We were one in the same,

 but I was the wiser....... 

Tear drops down my cheek,

an empty pain in my heart.

Fantasy of the reality of things or

a reality of the fantasy?

The loneliness and brief time far and few of togetherness.

Left alone. Always alone.

Judged and misjudged.

Life after life,

death after death.

Half of the whole or is it hole?

When I was fifteen I did not want people to notice me. I was very shy but polite. I would not do things I wanted because of this. If I could not get someone else to be brave and do what I could not, I would just go without. A small example would be my mother wanting me to tell the clerk what kind of ice cream I wanted. If she would not order for me, I would decidedly not want ice cream anymore. I was the only one who suffered.

This lack of a voice, lack of confidence to get what I wanted did not hold me back the summer I was fifteen. My aunt was living in Texas and invited me for a visit. She fattened the invite by promising me that I would get to go to a real ranch horseback riding. I was not yet into boys at that age and dreamed only of horses. It was the opportunity of a life time to me. I could only dream of going to a real live horse ranch! I never thought through all the steps I would need to take to get to Texas from Wisconsin.

The first step I had to take was to convince my mother to agree to let me go. I enlisted the help of my aunt. My aunt researched the airlines procedure on a minor child flying without an adult and reassured my mother I would be well looked after. It took some begging and pleading with promises only a kid can make and she finely said yes. I was so excited about horseback riding on a ranch in Texas it was all I could dream about. I did not have a fear or care in the world.

The realization set in the night before I was to go to the airport. I had an over active imagination and all sorts of fears and “what ifs” churned in my mind. I could not sleep. All packed but still I double checked my bags. I still could not sleep. Book about horses, check. Walkman with a few favorite tapes, check. I guess I was ready. I remember a mix of excitement, but mostly fear.

The morning I was to leave I remember my butterflies had butterflies. Fear with a capital “F”. I lived in the country and going to Milwaukee was huge to me. Fear. The traffic was clustered and fast. Fear. The airport was huge and confusing. Fear. It was time to board the plane and say goodbye to my mother. Fear. The flight attendant who took me down the large dark corridor to my seat had a wonderful smile and was very friendly. I gulped and quietly answered her questions. Fear. The loud noise of the engine of the plane. Fear. The plane taxiing down the runway. Fear. Take off and the shaking and shuddering of the plane. Too late to turn back now. Fear.

I was never so happy to see my aunt in my life. She greeted me with a dozen yellow roses. The Austin airport was huge compared to Milwaukee. I made it!

I survived my trip. I saw and did many new things in Texas. I got to go to a horse ranch and ride as tumble weeds blew by. I was in heaven. The whole experience was amazing. It was easy to go do things and talk to people. I was a different me. I felt alive. I was living large. I was eager to go do and see anything my aunt had in our plans. I came home an experienced traveler. I did things on that trip that I would never have dreamed I could have or would have. My experience is best summed up by a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”