I'm writing in hopes that you will read this & it might save you some future heartbreak.

-Don't be so trusting. By the time you are 16 you will have fallen for a boy that will try to make you believe that he loves you, however don't believe him because this boy hardly knows the meaning of love & should certainly not be throwing it around so easily. However if you believe him, you will find yourself wondering why you wasn't good enough after he leaves you. You will find yourself slumped in the bathroom floor, tears streaming down your face & a razor blade in your hand debating with each thought if it will ever get better? By the time you are 18, a customer at your first job will have touched you in-appropriately & showed you his member asking you to do favors for him. By the time you are 22 your mom will have taken out two credit cards in your name using your social security number & birthday. These cards will affect your credit score & ultimately make you financially struggle. When you are 23 you will have moved out on your own & work six days a week just to keep food in the fridge & pay rent to have a roof over your head.

-But a little side note for you; it does get better so hang in there. Don't let what is going to happen to you, define you cause you are so much more than that. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are courageous & brave. And you are intelligent. Now take on the world & make me proud!

When I was seven years old I lost my dad to a mental illness known as schizophrenia. Yes, he was still living; his lungs were still breathing & his heart still beating, but he was never my daddy anymore. He became simply my father; a man who helped contribute to my birth. I am now 23 but I often grieve the loss of my daddy & to cope I have written many pieces about him. I greatly appreciate the opportunity to share my work & to spread the awareness of schizophrenia.  Thank you & enjoy.

People say I made the wrong choices

But they weren't there

When the walls were filled with voices

When their were echos

Coming down the halls

And angry vibrations shook the

Foundation of the walls

They weren't there

When he came through my door

And after he was done

Left me crumpled on the floor

They weren't there

When teardrops fell from my eyes

My heart completely broken

From all of his lies

They weren't there

When I was wearing long sleeve shirts

To try and cover up bruises

Along with all the hurt

They weren't there

When all of this occurred

Therefore I believe

They shouldn't say a word

No judgement should

Be passed

As the truth

Was never asked

If feelings were substances,

Chocolate would represent happiness.

(Give me chocolate & I'm happy!)

If feelings were substances,

Sugar would represent joy.

(Joy is sweet just like sugar)

If feelings were substances,

Peppers would represent anger.

(They are hot)

If feelings were substances,

Onions would represent sadness.

(They make you cry when you cut them)

If feelings were substances,

Salt & pepper would be confusion.

(Does this need more salt or pepper?)

If feelings were substances,

Peanut butter would be boredom.

(PB is thick)

(Emily's POV)

I was on my way to my bed with a load of laundry carried between my arms when I heard something that sounded like the door opening and closing from the kitchen. I glanced at the clock, 2pm. That's strange I thought to myself, Hannah left hours ago and Ali's plane doesn't land until 4pm.

"Han?" I called out throwing the clothes down on my bed and walking back towards the door.

As I rounded the corner of the door facing, I could feel my heartbeat quicken when she came into view.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not Hannah." Ali purred, her face breaking out with a glow as she smiled when she saw me too. I picked up my stride as my impatience to get close to her grew. Only a few steps away now as she had begun narrowing the space between us too and had quickened her pace to match mine & we were now what seemed like almost sprinting towards each other down a hallway that would never end.

Finally our bodies collided and I'd never felt more at home than I did in that exact moment with my arms around her. I gazed into her eyes only to find her staring back at me. Our bodies moved in perfect sync without us even acknowledging our movements. I closed my eyes as she took my breath away with our first kiss in 2 months. It had only been 2 months but for me it had seemed like an eternity. I growled a little as she begin to kiss me harder and then I felt her fingers intertwine in my hair as she pulled my head back and kissed a trail down to my neck. God, how I had missed her. A small moan escaped my lips as she begin to gently bite my neck and then progressively got harder with each bite. She was ravishing my body with her hands and mouth as if she too had felt like it had been an eternity. I placed my hands on her hips and pulled her body closer wanting more of her as no matter how close we got it could still never be close enough & no matter how much time we got together, it would still not be long enough.

I could feel her smile through her kisses as she made her way back up to my lips and it made me smile too knowing that she had missed me just as much as I had missed her. It was then my turn as I grabbed her hair and pulled her head back exposing her beautiful neck. I wasted no time burying myself in her luscious skin and biting firmly to which I heard her gasp in response. Damn, she smelled good. I bit her again just for wearing the perfume that she knew would drive me crazy. She instantly slid her hand up my shirt and grabbed my breast giving my nipple a small pinch in warning. I smiled before bringing my lips back up to meet hers and crashed them together as I raised her shirt up over her head.

Our kisses got sloppier as we both became intoxicated with each other. I placed a hand on her bare lower back and a hand on her hip as I attempted to guide her to the bed but all that resorted in was her slamming me into a wall causing me to catch my breath as I took the blow. She smirked as she saw the surprise cross my face and kissed me harder as our bodies became even more entangled. Two can play at that game I thought as I lifted her leg up and draped it around my hip. I then slammed her into the opposite wall causing her to laugh as she knew it was revenge. I pulled away from her lips as I turned my attention to her half naked body. My mouth drooled with lust as my eyes took in every inch of her.

I once again started my endeavors down her beautiful curves by trailing down her neck and then her shoulder and eventually to her chest where I spent a little time unlatching her bra and throwing it across the room. I caressed her body as I begin encircling her nipple with my tongue and I felt her body tense as I begin to unbutton her shorts tentatively with my free hand. I slowly unzipped them as well and then ever so slothfully slid them down her thighs and legs just to tease her tugging at her nipple gently as I let it slip from my mouth on the way down. Mm.. I heard a small moan slip out of her mouth as I begin stroking her sweet spot through her already soaked panties. It turned me on immensely to know that I made her that wet. I kissed her on the lips one last time taunting her as I applied a little more pressure when rubbing her. She whimpered under the burning desire for me to take her already.

I wasn't giving in to her that easy and she knew that. Although her whimper did send chills up my spine knowing how impatient she was & how much she wanted me. I decided to give her some relief as I slipped my finger under the hem of her panties and slowly begin to pull them down taking my sweet precious time . When I had finally gotten them off of her I lifted my head up to hers indulging in a passionate kiss. I felt her jerk as I slipped a finger in her and then she kissed me harder grabbing my hair up in her clenched fist as I teased her. "Give me more" she panted in between kisses.

(Thud!)

"Ugggh!" I grunt in frustration as I realize I have had the dream yet again. This has got to stop I think to myself as I pull myself up from off the floor and make my way to the bathroom. I turn the water on in the shower and allow it to be getting warm while I strip down to my bare skin. I throw my clothes into the washing machine as I notice my panties are wet yet again thanks to my ever so wonderful reoccurring dream. I release my hair from its messy bun and watch as it falls loosely down around my shoulders. I couldn't help but think about how Ali's golden hair used to do the same thing. Anytime she moved her head, even if it was a slight move, her hair would cascade down over her shoulders like waves crashing in a beautiful waterfall. I slightly rubbed my shoulder thinking about her and then I closed my eyes as my mind began to wonder to the last time we was together.

(Emily's vision)

"It won't be that long." She promised as she smiled at me knowing good and well that it would seem like an eternity to me. Anytime that I am forced to spend time away from her seems like a small eternity to me and is painful to say the least.

"Yes it will Ali, don't lie to me like that." I replied.

"You don't want me to go?" She pouted.

"Well... I do... I'll just miss u that's all. But it's ok, I understand & I want you to go because you may never get this opportunity again." I smiled back at her hiding my disappointment. I was internally excited for her because I knew that this could be her big chance but I was also sad because I knew I was going to miss her while she was gone & there was a thought that just couldn't help but enter my mind that scared me. What if her dreams didn't come true? What if everything she was hoping for didn't pan out? Then she would be crushed. And seeing the most beautiful girl in the world, heartbroken didn't sit well with me.

"Thanks for understanding Em. That's why you're my favorite." Ali interrupted my thoughts with her words. She got up from the airport food court bench, grabbed her suit case and kissing me on the cheek walked out of my life for 2 months to go to Tokyo chasing on the skirt tail of one of her dreams.

(End of vision)

Gravels popping in the drive way signaling that Hannah was back home pulled my attention back from my wandering thoughts and I slipped into the shower allowing the hot water to melt away my stress as well as my thoughts.

---Chapter 2 Coming Soon---

"Davis!" I heard my human scream as she came after me swatting me with her broom! I scrambled to get off the windowsill in time & in doing so managed to clumsily knock off what remained of the delicious chocolate dish I was so tastefully devouring just a few seconds ago. Oops.... my poor little raccoon feet couldn't scurry away fast enough as I feel the wrath of the human come down on me with a thump of the broom. "Well now it's ruined anyways! You can just have it! I hope you're proud of yourself!" My human stammered observing what was left of her dish. Seeing how disappointed she was I crawled slowly back towards her stopping when I reached her feet & looked up at her showing in my eyes how sorry I was. As she gazed down at me she confessed how beautiful my Bette Davis eyes were & with that confession time looped to give me a second chance at stealing some chocolate & not disappointing her.

I watched your hips sway, moving with your body in one fluid motion as you made your way across the blacktop driveway to join me in my car. I heard the ding sound my door makes as you open it to get inside. God you smelled good. I inhaled getting a temporary high from your perfume as it came gushing into my nostrils. I didn't dare look in your direction even when you started to speak. I had already decided that today was going to be the day. I was going to tell you how I really felt. How I had felt for years. And if I was going to do that, I would need to keep my gumption up and that meant not looking at you because if I looked at you, it was over. I would get all weak knee'd and doey eyed and there would be no telling you. 

"Where are we going?" You smiled. I could hear the smile in your voice and I love that about you. 

"Just for a drive." I responded. We often went for drives. Especially during the summer and this particular day was perfect for one which confirmed to me that it was time to tell you. It was only after we had drove around for a little while with the windows down and both of us singing at the top of our lungs to the songs playing on the radio that I slowed the car down and turned the dial to the volume decreasing it to a low murmur. I still hadn't looked at her the entire car ride except for a couple of glimpses I had stolen out of my peripheral vision when she wasn't paying attention. I could feel her turn to look at me though when I slowed the pace of the car. 

"What are you doing?" She inquired sounding curious. She was so cute I thought my heart was about to bust! In between her cuteness and my nervousness I felt like I could faint at any moment. I decided I was just going to blurt it out because if I didn't and my mind had time to think about it, it would talk me out of it again and she would never know. 

"Jenny, there's something I need to tell you..." I started out slowly all the while keeping my eyes on the road. I could feel her lean closer with interest and I could smell her perfume again which only intoxicated me more than I already was. My heart sped up and was beating so hard I figured she could see it thumping in my chest. "Well.. I don't know how to say this.. and let me just say that, after I tell you, I'll take you home if you wish and you don't ever have to talk to me again if you don't want to..."

She giggled. "Oh don't be silly! What is it?"

"Well you know that I love you... but I... well... I love you as more than a friend. More than a best friend... and more than a sister!" The last few words came tumbling out so fast that I almost got tongue tied but thank goodness I didn't and I had finally told her! I was so excited for a few moments but then it hit me, I had told her and she still hadn't said anything back yet... Was she mad? I slowly turned my head around in her direction to try and analyze her expression. She wasn't frowning, but she wasn't smiling either. It was kind of a in-the-middle. Sort of a blank expression really. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah." She responded.

"Are you mad?" I asked.

"No." She shifted in her seat. "I just need some time to think about things, that's all."

So I picked up the pace a little bit and went down a couple of our favorite roads hoping to give her some time but also to bring her out of her silence. 

It wasn't until I got low on gas and I couldn't possibly contain myself any longer that I said anything. "Do you want me to take you back home?" I ask my voice a little shaky as I presumed what I would hear back. 

"No." She stated much to my surprise. 

"I'm sorry I have these feelings and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I just didn't know how you would feel about this type of thing and I didn't want to lose my best friend." I lowered my head and stared straight ahead at the road in front of me as I let the next few words roll off my tongue. "So... here's how I see this... I wanted you to know cause I've felt this way for years and I was tired of hiding it from you and now you know, mission accomplished. With that being said, now that you know, I will never mention it again and we can go on being friends just like always if that's what you want. It will be just like nothing ever happened & no one will ever know but us." She continued to be quiet for a little while longer. Finally after what seemed like a lifetime has went by she looked at me & I turned to face her & for the first time in a long time, we made direct eye contact. She had powerful eyes. The kind I could get lost in and never even know I was lost. We held a gaze at one another for a brief moment before I turned my attention back to the road. Her lips gently parted & I thought she was going to say something but she didn't so I stayed silent too. I came upon a fork in the road & stopped to inquire which way she would like to go. But before I could even turn my head toward her she placed her delicate fingers under my chin turned my face to meet hers & leaned in colliding her lips with mine.

It was the most wonderful thing I had ever experienced. I had often envisioned what it would be like if ever her lips should meet mine, but this... this was 10x better than what I could ever have imagined. Her lips felt like velvet they were so soft & after the initial kiss came to an end she started to pull away shyly & apologize but before she could get the apology out I muffled it by crashing our lips together again thus starting our first make out session of many more to come.

Insomnia

You have found me again

My age old friend.

Seems like no matter 

Where I go

Your ghastly face is sure to show.

My bedroom gets dark

My eyes grow heavy

But then you show up driving your chevy!

You slam on your breaks

And bring my sleep to a screeching halt

As you enter my mind with a whirlwind of thought.

That thought dances around 

And before you know it in comes another

Soon I find I'm thinking like my mother!

What a scary thought

That sure is

I rub my eyes and say, "Gee whiz!"

Sleep would be nice

I argue with my brain

But insomnia won't stop calling my name.

Goodnight to all

Who can get some rest

I really do wish you the best.