Maybe we should fall multiple times just to stand firmly on the ground.

Maybe we should lose what’s important to us just to appreciate what we have.

Maybe we should experience the absence of something just to appreciate its presence.

But most importantly, maybe we should learn how to let go, move forward and accept what’s unchangeable.

When God is sending strong thunders to us, that doesn’t mean He is mad.

When God is rising the ocean for us, that doesn’t mean He is punishing us.

God is giving us challenges for us to be stronger, braver and smarter.

God always love us.

Those are the spirits of a strong fighter and faithful warrior.

-

#prose #faith #challenge

Death, Doubt, Depression, Destruction, Denial, Disease, Deceit, Distractions, Darkness.

They wrapped their arms around me, tearing, pulling, stretching, ripping. I was fed to them like meat to vicious hounds. Constantly being torn apart for 18 years, and yet I could not realize. I would not realize.

Denial’s hands had twisted it’s fingers to cover my eyes, my ears, my very mouth. It blinded me, fed poison through my ears, and the arsenic flowed freely from my lips.

Doubt tore at my mind, consuming it into the open sore on an almost invisible visage.

Depression reached to my chest, grabbing at my very heart and opening it for all the world to see. It wanted pity, pity for my well-being as it slowly devoured my heart. What irony. I could not help, but pity depression itself for eating such a useless and unfavourable item.

And there it came. Self pity, pain, loneliness. Depression had done it’s job, taken it’s slow and tedious course, yet it did not change like the others. It still acted as a lost puppy, homeless, alone, pitiful. I began finding a desire within me to care for it, nurture it, give it a place to stay. I welcomed such a deceitful creature. This became my distraction.

All things were deceiving, for doubt and denial had allowed them to be. Doubt destroyed certain senses needed to understand cautiousness, especially around distractions and lies. I was in the dark, and it ruined my reasoning, played with my beliefs. Damaged my ability to seek for what I really desired, and needed in life.

Destruction was just around the corner, waiting to take a hold. It attacked me from the front, head on and without fear. It consumed me, became my very being right to the core, and I became it’s puppet. I was silently being led towards disease and death. Both were waiting for me, rubbing their many hands together in anticipation. They would not be quick in their craft. They had to toy with me first; break my spirit until I begged for endless silence.

But I was restless, and fought. There was this light that found me. A smile somewhere off in the distance. A breath of fresh air. Love. Friends, family in need. Someone was helping, and yet had no idea.

God was there, touched my very skin and doubt began to fall away. Hope entered, replacing the feeling of never will. There was still a chance. I could see again, realization swept over me, and darkness disappeared.

I had found my true path. Distractions flitted back from where they came, and I could not deny that destruction had found me. At that point I was able to turn my body away. I would not let disease overcome me, I could not give into death, just yet. I had time, and people to care about, a life to care about.

Running, back to depression, I was determined to gain my second chance. Instead I found a puddle, and there deep inside almost hidden from the naked eye, I sought out my heart. I fished, for it, dried it off, and viewed the damage done. There God was still beside me asking of me that ruined piece. I obeyed giving it willingly.

Holding it close to his heart, he healed it until there were only scars left, so I could remember, He said. Here and now I understand I could not forget this. God kept my heart stored in his cloak for safe-keeping. I knew he would cherish it as He always had, even when He did not have it.

Then He spoke to me with sweet words of wisdom “Even though evil spirits come and go, they never fully disappear. But now that I am here with you, and you have allowed me to be with you, there is nothing to fear. Have faith my child and stay close. Your time has come.”

All his life he had been told to be a good boy and keep his head down in the scripture, ancient words allegedly derived from the birther of all creation; that if he simply did everything he was told, that he would be rewarded with the most divine of vacations. He had been promised knowledge and guidance in the words that were present on the pages before him, words at his young age he was too naive to understand; nevertheless, he obeyed, because mommy and daddy know best; just have faith.

Then one day, the little boy had grown up and found himself starting high school; fear over the new unknown had consumed him to the point of almost ditching his first day, but once again he had been reassured that everything would be fine, so long as he obeyed the script he had studied since childhood. The young man was now revitalized with courage, the fear that had once enthralled him now nonexistant; his head firmly on his shoulders, the young man set off for his exciting first day of high school for he simply had faith.

His home away from home, the church, was for all intents and purposes his candy store; at least, that had been the very notions his parents had been telling him. It was here that he found more indivudials to call friends and family, all of them just like mom and dad in both spirit and wisdom. "Such a good young man." they told him "Paradise awaits you one day.". The boy truly believed every word, that he could do no long so long as he had faith.

Everything had been going according to plan, the young man finding great success in his studies with not a single issue with his folks at home; it was all thanks to the script he knew at this point like the back of his hand. One day, however, mere moments after arriving at school, the young man bore witness to two young women holding hands down the hallway; the young man found himself perplexed by this observation, for it went against everything that the words on the page had told him to uphold. "Fear not." his beloved parents assured him, "they won't be rewarded with the vacation you long for."

In time, the young man would find himself as a college freshman, where he eagerly began to enroll in several classes in the field of science. It was here that his professors, men and women who's life experience combined tripled that of him and his parents, bestowed upon him the truth of the universe, though it was not the truth he had been waiting for. "There was no creator" they told him, "Are life is meaningless in the grand scale of the universe.". Needless to say, the young man, still struggling to find his own path while staying true to the wisdom of his family both at home and at church, began to question everything. His parents, worried now that their beloved son would lose his one way ticket to eternal paradise, sternly reminded him of the script he had been handed at such a young age; but the young man, try as he might, could not help but riddle his family and friends with a neverending barrage of "why?"s; he hadn't had faith.

Soon enough, he was now simply a man, ready to face the world and all its hardships thanks to the neverending wisdom of his family and friends; but the man couldn't bring it upon himself to listen to it any further, he deduced it was time for him to live life the way his heart told him to live for the heart can never truly lie. It was not long after that he took the full plundge into the unknown and begun to live his life by his own creed; he didn't use his faith.

Many years later, the now elderly man found himself on his death bed, mind happily wandering back in time through all the memories he had made over the decades; the men he had kissed, his beloved children who were by his side until the very end, even his parents who had disavowed him years prior came to mind. When the time had past and he drew his final breath, the man found nothing waiting for him on the other side, he had realized the answer to the biggest question he had his entire life; faith was nothing but lies, his hypothesis finally proven to be correct.

Inside a box like pigeons,

there we think the God we are,

afraid from the difference.

Chasing society’s illusions

Through the broken clock

Other blind fools we fight.

All as part of an ignorant mass

Through our dark mirror

Only the others demons we can see.

In solitude lost we are

Other souls stalking

By the use of expired bodies.

Inside the poor mess of our thoughts

Painful being is

Although greater than us there is not.

In the smirking hand of Death

Where faith guided in circle we dance

Life just passes by

Your body is a Godscape

I bow to the staircase that leads me

to your Kingdom of Heaven

A ruthless cathedral

that demands only

holy reflection

I was so damaged: in and out. I was full of fears and scars. I used to be hard-hearted, not just hard-headed. I pushed away people, built the tallest wall and exclude happiness as an emotion. And so I became the scariest demon. ’Til you came.

You came out of nowhere and showed me your kindness like a sword stabbing me multiple times. I don’t like the way you act like this world isn’t cruel at all. I don’t like the way you smile like people aren’t demons. I don’t like your positivity about everything like there’s nothing to be mad, sad, or whatso. Then one day, we had this heart-to-heart talk. You shared your past. You shared your painful, tragic story. That one day, I saw something. I realized something: I was blind, numb and dumb. I was blind for not looking for the bright side, numb for not feeling luckier than you, and dumb for not knowing the truth about what life is. You had all the reasons and chances to prove everyone that this world isn’t fair, yet you managed to be fine. You were dying inside, yet still managed to shine, just like the stars when the night came out. You had all the proofs you needed to just stop living, but you fought back. You came out of nowhere, shared everything, like you knew me for so long. Like we knew each other long time ago, and just continuing what we had started. And by that, I thanked you. Not just for sharing what you have. I thanked you for saving me and my heart.

Now that the darkness is starting to reign over you, I promise to be your light. Now that giving up is your only choice, I promise to lift you up. Now that you are starting to get tired of everything, I promise to be by your side whatever it takes until you fight back once again and realize why you started this battle. Your battle is my battle. I may not be your sword, which can destroy all your worries and failures. But I promise to be your shield that will protect you against all odds. Tell me all of your negativities in life, and I’ll tell you how beautiful your soul is. And by the way, you don’t have to be a knight in shining armor because I’ll be the one who will save you.

Take this note from a risk-taker: I do break rules, I always do that. But never the promises. Promises aren’t meant to be broken. Promises are meant to be kept, and so are you. Wait and see, just go and proceed. I will always be here. By your side, behind your back, anywhere and everywhere.

I will save you.

-

#writealetter #ToTheManWhoCaughtMyHeart #fiction #prose #story #flashfiction #romance

Dear RichSatin,

I am completely in love with you and I think I'll regret it.

Your nightly emojis and morningly wishes for me to have a great day don't have to give me butterflies for me to understand how deeply you care for me.

No man or woman has had this kind of power over my respiratory system since I was prescribed by emergency inhaler. My heart threatens to kill me because I think your intentional typos are just that cute.

I have crushed on you for years and you'd never have known if I didn't go to school drunk and accidentally confess at two of our Howdy Skwod mates. Or maybe it was the two times I accidentally called you hot and magical. Accidentally, because I would never do that out loud in front of our friend group.

Don't think I just like you because you're physically beautiful. Don't give me that shit.

I been like you like that since middle school, so don't even question me.

Where would I regret any part of this? Well, when did you know you liked me? It wasn't years ago, that's for sure. I know I'm secure in the way I feel because I've been here for six years. How do I know you liked me for me and not just because I like you back?

I don't doubt the, "I love you," you wish me every day, but I do have to wonder if that six year gap mattered. I sure hope it doesn't.

I liked you before yeehaw and I would love you after, if there would ever dare be.

I liked you before you learned discipline.

I liked you before you knew my name and my face.

I liked you before I made a name for myself. Now that I have one, I have you too.

It better be a coincidence.

I hate you because you're the sweetest person I've ever experiened. Real gentlemen like us are dying out. I gotchu if you got me, Partner.

I hate you because you're such a dad.

Your puns make me want to pun-ch you in the nose

You and I look at children the same way.

(With a target on their behind and our shoes on it)

And you could absolutely raise a kid. I mean, you raised yourself from hell, didn't you?

I'm thinking too far into the future, I think, but if I'm not thinking of a future, why bother thinking of you?

I don't date for temporary. I don't think you do either, and I better be right.

I hate you because I don't have enough pillows to surround myself in and hug tight enough. Every time you send butterflies my way, they shoot me in the guts and I can't help but double over. I could drown in pillows and still prefer awkwardly leaning on your arm, or laying down on your wrist, or putting my head on what I think is your shoulder while my arm shakes trying to keep my head up at that kind of height. (J. hArOld C.)

I love your mom almost as much as I love you. I have never met the woman, but she is my mother now, regardless of where you fall on the list of priorities. She's my best friend now. She made you and she likes me and she thinks I'm nice and she thinks we're cute together?? When the heLL was that ever going to happen to me if it weren't for you?

I'm scare she'll hate me once she reads my vulnerability. I'm not weak because I can be sensitive. I am weak because they still hurt me after I confront them and come to terms.

I am weak because I think I am not capable of progress.

I love you more than I love Tesla and math. I love you almost as much as Kanye loves Kanye. I love you like ilo and milo, and I love you more than My Bitch Billie.

The amount of love I have for you will never go away.

But the amount of hate will.

Be careful how we do this.

Love forever and always,

Venti Plus