The worst is that I'm not sure if it was yours or mine.

Ok here goes;

You lit a fire within me. One that had been previously lit but never blazed.

That fire lit up a large part of my life for a little while.

But when I realised the potential dangers of such a destructable force, I did everything in my power to stop it. The spectacular crash landing of that friendship was almost as powerful as its launch.

Worst of all I know now that as addictive as it was, it could have been something great.

So I'm sorry. For your actions and mine. For our pride and for letting you light that fire in the first place.

I'm sorry.

There is no darkness, for what is darkenss but the absence of light. There is no reson to be afraid of the dark, cause what lingers in the darkness is the same as what lingers in the light. Its just that the absence of light conceals what is lingering there. Shadows are just a figment of the immagination, where by the brain is unable to comprehend the darkness and fills it instead with black. There is no darkness. Because darkness is what is around when the sun, goes down, when the lights turn off, when the candles are blown out. But its presence is only for a brief amount of time, because we know that eventually the sun will come back, the lights will turn back on and the candles will be lit again. Thus, fear of the lack of light is foolish because there is no such thing as darkness.

My eyes scan the dimly lit hall way, taking in the warm floor boards and personal memorabilia scattered over the walls. An oriental carpet leads me towards the end of the house. When you’re alone every noise, every thump, click and screech is aplified. With each unidentified sound my hearts speeds. The only reliable echo I can hear is the steady thump of my footsteps against the soft carpet. First my sister, then my brother and now both my parents. Death effects people in so many strange ways. Some mourn their loss, others lock themselves away and some seek revenge. I feel the lump grow in my throat and a thick layer of tears forming over my eyes. Each one slips out and slides down my face as if they have a preconcieved path mapped out, with their final destination being the ground. I take a deep breath and wipe away the tears, placing a hand over my heart and willing it to steady. My scratchy denim jacket hangs heavy on my shoulders as if it were pulling me towards the ground. My hands press deep into the pockets, my left fingernails dig into my palm and my right hand clutches my weapon. But both my legs push onward, through the end door frame and into the kitchen. I raise my hand to block the glare of the neon globes from the industrial white tile. A musty smell assaults my nostrils, as I take in the room. Olive green benches outline the small space, surrounding a disgusting orange dining table. With her back to me, sits a frail old lady, her loose curls surrounding her head like a balloon. But her vulnerable appearance doesn't fool me. I know better. She is the one responsible for all unexplained murders in my family and now im going to be respondible for erradicating hers.

The hole in your heart when you realise that person you thought shared the same desire as you, lowered their head when you passed them, threw a glance at you only to turn the other way or even pretended not to know you. When you spend entire days wondering whether or not you spend as much time in their head as they do in yours. When you finally let that person go and they come wandering back into you life only to slam the door in your face again and again. You cant really understand the full depth of these feelings until you experience them yourself. But in the end you realise that what you had is never worth not letting that person back in, if only to achieve a glimmer of what once was.

So this is what Ive got...

Life can come at you in so many forms. Some people draw the short straw and some people get lucky. I guess Im one of the lucky ones and Im very thankful for this. But I think the secret to being truely happy is to be thankful for what you have and try to make the most of every situation. I know I havent had much experience but every day this is how I try to live my life and every day is amazing.

I cant hold it in aymore, Ive go tot be honest. Im scared. I worry about the things of this world and where we might one day end up. But I know there is nothing much we can do. Its not up to me or you or even us. We can do what we can but the world has already been broken, the only way it will get better is without us and thats where the irony is. This world is a messed up place, its kill or be killed, no one is really wih you. Its eyeopening when you understand just how alone you really are. Sorry for the rant but I just feel stuck and when that happens I have some deep thoughts. They arent bad just insightful and sometimes a bit daunting. Anyway thanks for listening.

His crystal blue eyes beckon me in, calling me, telling me it will be ok. He has latched onto my heart and I don't think he is going to let go any time soon. And that is ok cause, I don't plan on letting him go either. His stubbled cheek runs along mine as each soft breath gently kisses my skin. My heart pounds against my chest and I'm sure he can hear it but I don't bother trying to hide it. He must know how I feel, but I can't let anyone else know. A pair of strong hands wrap around my waist and I jump, every nerve in my body becomes electrified. Well that's new. As his hands run up and down along my sides sparks fly from my skin and cause my heart to beat faster. He smells of sweat and alcohol and old books and, something metallic. Each odor indicating me to one of the many ways he must spend his spare time. His muscled body presses up against mine, his warmth seeping through his thin T-shirt, as opposed to the cold brick wall my back is pressed against. Though I'm glad its there cause otherwise I would probably be on the floor. His lips lower to mine, and his eyes appear to sparkle a new shade of deep crystal blue. He places gentle kiss onto my lips, one that tells me all I need to know. One that says 'I love you'.Then comes another one, one that is the first but with a lot more passion and desire. One that says "A love that burns from deep within, that can never be extinguished". A protective look overtakes his intense gaze as his lips hover over my ear. "I won't hurt you" he whispers, sending a shiver down my spine. One hand comes to rest on my hip and the other raises to the column of my neck. He begins rubbing his fingers back and forth over the spot. Presumably he can hear the blood rushing through my veins, just waiting for an exit to flow out and feed him. His teeth are like two pin pricks to my neck and my blood begins to ooze out and he looks to me one last time, making sure I am ok with this. I give him a simple nod and he drinks.

There is no movement,

There is no sound,

There is no pain,

There is only silence.

There is depth,

Only nothing to exlore.

Silence means many things,

That being, 

the absence of noise,

or maybe the absence of voices in my head.

The voices that scream and pound.

The voices who's screams cause me to look around.

But now there is nothing,

Only silence.

Maybe it's good,

maybe its bad,

maybe its comfortable and maybe,

just maybe

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!