Into the Dragon’s Lair
The hero stood before the summit of the worn and haggard old steps and let out a long, hard, resigned sigh. It was now time. She had thought about this moment for days now and the time had finally arrived.
She knew that the task she was about to endeavour upon would be hard and she wasn’t sure she would have the strength left inside her to complete it, but it had to be done – and she was running out of time, before they came back. With doubt in her mind and weariness in her legs, she took one last breath of fresh air before transcending the first of the steps.
Her clothes by now were dirty and loose and, in a couple of places, had been torn by the exploits and obstacles she had been forced to overcome since she started this journey just a short time ago, though it felt that several days had passed instead.
Once into a steady rhythm the hero found it easier to mount the steps, which were laden with many traps and pitfalls along the way. As she made her way upwards she noticed, from the corner of her eye, the walls were decorated with many strange and dusty old pictures that appeared to vibrate with the colour that was within them.
Finally she reached the top of the steps and, with a sharp turn to the right, was faced with a long dark passageway. Ahead of her, about ten yards away, she saw a chink of light. It was the entrance to the room she needed. The one she had struggled all day to overcome her fears about.
She stood there staring, wondering if she was doing the right thing, wishing now that she had not volunteered for this perilous task. Maybe if she stayed there long enough it would all fade away and not be real; but, alas, she knew it was and also what ultimately needed to be done.
With a huge combined effort from all her emotional senses she moved forward until she was at the door. She checked all her weapons – one in each hand and one tucked away in her belt ‘just in case’, and made sure they were ready and working.
With one final step she moved up and, with the outside of her right hand, brushed away the dust on the old sign fixed to the wall. Wiping the streaky dirt away she revealed the mottled gold writing:
…..
‘John and Katie’s play room’
Me
I am not me.
But I'm not not-me either.
To be me
Or not to be me
If only it were that easy
Because if you used a dictionary
I'm not really sure what you'd see
If you simply searched for me
My friends have clear definitions
Bold lines, clean cuts, straight edges
But if your world is only in black and white
Just think of all you're missing
And I?
I tried to put a label
On something that can't be named
I tried to fit in a box
But my insides just kept spilling
There's a world I want to explore
There are names I want to put on
There are personas I want to wear
And so it really just isn't fair
To tell me that I have to choose
Because I'm afraid of what I'll lose
I am me.
But I'm not me either.
Stay
Laughter. It was what I most remember. We were both children. Playing in the sandbox, laughing when we'd throw snowballs of sand at one another. I remember birthdays. Times where we would both sit outside the apartment porch and enjoy a slice of cake together while the rest of the children played hide and seek.
When we grew older you would lead me outside to the roof and we would just lay there. Under the twinkling night sky that would glisten and light up our dreams. Dreams about a future where you and I were happy. It was picture perfect. You did not know it back then but I loved you. Did you love me?
I think about crazy summers and our first kiss as we snuck out into the night sky, playing another game of hide and seek with our friends; even if we were too old to play now. You took my hand smiling charmingly leading me with you as we ran. Feeling free and as if the world was ours. And just like that. With only the stars to watch us we kissed. I thought you were happy with me at your side. Where you?...
I think about those times when you would sit quietly beside me and look out into the sky without a word. There was a look in your eyes that squeezed my heart so hard it felt like an old prune. When my hands reached to touch your face you would smile.
I'd missed the signs. I'd missed the signs of you pulling away from me. Pulling away from us; pulling away from life. I could give excuses of work, too much going on, not enough time or care to pay attention. I can't blame you. I know I can't blame myself and yet; as you lay in this hospital bed all I can do is weep at your side.
I can't find the will to leave you and it hurts knowing you would think leaving me was the answer. I don't understand why you wanted to leave this world. But I want you to stay. Leaving me to find your body after an overdose on sleeping pills ;that I did not know you had, it was like a part of me was taken with you in that moment.
I don't know if you'll make it. I don't know if I'll be able to help you. But I will stick by you because I love you. And I will always stand by your side. Love is about taking in the good and the bad.
"Please. Stay."
Cobweb Constellations
If you are lucky,
You will find fragments of your soul,
Reflected in the starry constellations
Projected endlessly in your lovers eyes.
If you are very lucky,
You will burn brighter than the sun,
A constellation in your own right,
Stretching endlessly through the galaxy.
With any luck,
You will be admired from light years away,
As your story twists and ties with the night sky,
You will wake up whole, by yourself.
Though you burn brightest with your lover intertwined in your cobweb constellations.