hush of sea

she carries me

silent

sinking

indigo

love you more

than you could know

each grain upon her shore

It only comes out when it rains.

the heavy feeling in your chest

it presses your lungs so you can't speak

so there is no way to tell others how you're feeling

but you don't know what you would say

it also wouldn't matter

there is no one there

because you feel so alone

in a room full of people and you can't make a connection

so you lose your emotions

and love

and energy

not just for the people you care about

but the things you do

the books you love to read are fading from the pages

the shows you watch are uninteresting

and the people you love are just people

so now you are stuck

you have to feel that weight

because that dark heaviness is all there is

eventually, you find comfort in that feeling

to the extent that when the days come when you are okay

you self-sabotage until you find that comfort again

but at the end of the day

it is still hurt that you are feeling

and you are still sick

this feeling will continue to bottle up

it will fill until the pressure breaks you

and the feeling is pouring through the cracks of you

coming down like rain.

And it only comes out when it rains.

But when it rains,

it pours.

I am the body

of a severed head

A divine vessel

the core of the apple

caving into itself

To understand myself

I know not the feeling

only the head rolling

the soft rumble leading

my blind footing

I am a severed body wilting

a dying impression of what was

before the decapitation

Slim evidence of intimacy

between a mind and a beating heart

with the catch

in the throat

loosened

with the fumble

of mental

fingers

with the faintest

creaking

of hinges

and the holding

back of myriad

treasured secrets,

threatening to

escape untold

at slightest

opening

with a film

of sweat flashed

upon the palm

and forehead

crinkled,

with color

in the capillaries

creeping up

like tell tale

quidnuncs

with brows

that lift the lids

of eyes

with cautious

advances

that reveal

as many questions

as answers,

high lighted

in the margins

with the

girth of night

and spell of

morning

with and

without warning

in the comfortable

silence that was

adequate

in itself as

much as it was

disconcerting

with beating

in the Temple

keeping time,

with a reset

fastened, on

the

Conversation

...folding and

unfolding...

it has begun.

12.12.2023

And so it begins challenge @dctezcan

There’s a piece of abstract art on the wall and Gilbert thinks it looks like shit. It doesn’t even look intentional—the strokes are messy, the paint-job is uneven, globed on in some places and too thin in others—it's stupidly amateur. The signature is the worst part, in barely practiced cursive, ugly brown stamped on sickeningly bright yellow. He wonders if the artist was proud of it, if they worked hard, how they worked, how long it took them to regurgitate this half-assed window into their half-assed soul. He understands that he’s being a dick, but this is his head, and he’s tired of pretending he’s someone he’s not. Faith, as the Hancock-esque signature proclaims, sounds like a bitch anyways.

Maggie doesn’t like coffee. But, she’s decided she wants to be an intellectual today, and so she is going to sit in this café and drink the bitter caramel brulé latte she reluctantly ordered and jot down notes until someone compliments her outfit, or gives her a longing glance, or her ass gets numb. Whatever comes first. She almost meets eyes with a girl in a tank top that says cherry bomb, but the girl sneezes and the moment is ruined. She sighs, takes a drink, gags, and writes photosynthesis is the process of converting energy from solar to chemical.

Ted is having the worst fucking day. The café is busy, he’s tired, and Miranda is late coming back from her break, which means that Abby will be late for their break, which means Ted will be late for his. The manager won’t like that, which Ted knows, but he’s too caught up with remembering orders to care. The coffee smell is giving him a headache. He’s taking some blond chick’s order—a hot café mocha, bad choice, it’s too strong—and as he’s ringing her up, she says, “Thank you ma’am!” Ted sneers, but Abby is back from their break and tapping his shoulder, so he decides to be the bigger person for the millionth time in his miserable existence and go on break.

The universe is all about stars.

Colliding, avoiding,

straying, exploding

stars.

If they do not meet, then who exists—

if not the space between their lips

and the dead language they whisper.

There is not enough time for me to meet you.

I’m sorry.

I’ve always wanted to meet you

Not in person

Yes, in person

More than anything in person

But I am a cowardly man

Craven

Gun shy

Whimpering and weak

Shameful and afraid

Timid

Reeking of jaundiced humiliation

So I watch you

At night

Lights out

Shades drawn

Through my binoculars

The new pair I bought just for you

My Love

And not just at night

I watch you all the time

Dawn to dusk

Weekdays and weekends

Every day of the year

Even leap year

I read your poems

Your shopping lists

Your love letters

Your diaries

Your favorite recipes

Your to do lists

Your notes-to-self

Your affirmations

Your phone bills

Your texts

Your emails, both work-related and personal

Your refrigerator knick-knacks

Your temperature settings

I listen to your phone calls

Your dinner conversations

Your songs in the shower

Your whispers

Your sighs

Your mantras

Your giggles

Your inner voices

I know what you feel

I know what you like

I know what you love

I know what you hate

I know what you watch on TV

Your favorite movies

Your latest binge series

Your cooking shows

Your soap operas

Your trash talk shows

Your goddamn obsession with The Today Show

I know what you do

Your job

Your workout routine

Your romantic encounters

Your shopping sprees

Your trips to the doctor, the dentist, the chiropractor

Your walks in the park, your half marathons, your yoga postures

Your favorite restaurants

Your girls night out

Your insufferable pleasantries at the community garden

I know everything about you

EVERYTHING

I do with it what I want

When I want

How I want

For whatever reason I want

Without your knowledge

Without your permission

Without your anything

In the comfort of my own home

My king's castle

In secret

And there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it

The wintry night sky reminds me

Of some gaping void

Excited to swallow

The underlying Earth

And when the Sun

Slips below the horizon

Does it feel jealous?

Of its counterpart who gets to enjoy the night?

Written for my niece who lost her little girl in a drowning accident:

I know your anguish is for me

But take a breath and let it be

I am not far as you may think

Time nor space will break our link

I feel no pain and have no fear

I was with you shortly and hold it dear

You have more to do and lives to touch

my love for you is oh so much

So take a breath and hold it deep

Let it out and please don't weep

I am happy here, this new place I live

but you have so much more to give

I'll be here when it's your time

my heart is yours and yours is mine

So when you're sad and miss me so

Take a breath and always know

I am where I need to be

Smiling at all I see

So until I can hold your hand and bring you here

Live your life without fear

Happiness seems far away

But will get closer with each passing day

So take a breath and let it out

There are great things for you, have no doubt

In your reflection see my smile

I am part of you there is no denial

Our binding link is always there

Even though it seems unfair

There is a way to see it through

See me happy as you always do

and know when you smile, I smile too

... so take a breath

and let it out

My brother went to limbo

Stillborn and unbaptized

Faultless but Original Sin

Status unknown

A soul in liminal space

Lost between heaven and hell

Damnation spared

Salvation denied

Consigned by papal decree

Resigned to the Mercy of God

Wrenched, a mother's heart

Bathed in the blood of his foes, and covered in a shimmering cloak of shadows. It moved through the night sky— moving much faster than the speed of light. Carefully landing right on the edge of the house on the hill. The front door leading to the house welcomes it in, with what seems to be a shaky temperament. With each footstep it takes, the floorboards creak with a sound like a rubbery squeak, but it does not have any rubber shoes on. It flaps its wings, and prepares to take a much needed rest for a certain amount of time. As it wraps itself in a cocoon, a blanket of smoke begins to fill the air. It starts to wonder where the smoke is coming from. The house is now in flames, and making a mixture of sounds like a cough, back ‘n’ forth as if it’s human. It flaps its wings close to being ready to take off into the starry night, away from the firelight. The smoke starts to cover every corner, and space of the house. Soon every room is colored in grey. It rushes out of the house, & barely makes it out of the house. The flames continue to roar in power forming what closely resembles an image of a phoenix. It gasps, and thinks of taking off again. The phoenix flames rise higher, higher, and higher. Then they flap their wings, and go on a hunt for it. The phoenix flies, and zooms in the air at jet speed. Leaving a smoky trail of dust in the night sky that makes it look like a shooting star. It can feel the phoenix gradually getting closer, closer, & closer. The instance they collide, the two begin to spin like a tornado, until they finally crash into a corn field leaving a trail of burnt corn crops along the path that they crashed. It tries to stand tall, alas, the phoenix holds much greater might. With a final burst of flames, the phoenix hits it. Thanks to the phoenix now it will be able to take a long much needed amount of rest- this time it would be asleep for a really long time. It would now be a part of the ancestral realm, for all eternity.

#CORVUS ©️

Music by MINDSTEELNESS

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1wOtslfDZqQ

03.12.2023 Sundae