i come to you first

in all things, and i am

warm and wanting.

there is no hour

i do not think of you, and no room

in which i do not wait.

does that even compare

to the long black telescope of night

and the moon in her moon-cage?

without the guise

of dispassion, immutability,

come to me.

i am warm and wanting.

inside a sparrow's heartbeat, and in each

quiet place i wait.

Tossing and turning. Didn’t sleep a wink. Knowing you’re near. It wrecks me like I can’t explain- it feels like a tornado inside me. So close yet so far. What would I say if I saw you again? I could recognize that face anywhere. Those eyes. Would we lock eyes And the whole world would fade away? And if we did, what would I see? What would you see? I often think of what would happen if we ever ran into each other again. I’m not sure if I could even speak or stand up straight with just one glance from you. Would I tremble and pass out from shock? I’m afraid to know.

—love is dead. The slow

red rush, & in the absence of love we

raise steel walls

& castanet airs to dance

by. Love is gone

& all tenderness faded,

& in its place castles of knowing

in which we

pass our time from

hand to hand.

Hands which once pressed

earth into the shape of men & earth

into bowls for holding

nothing but sound, between sound

silence, melodic, & if dissonance

then beauty in dissonance as well, but always

the bowl,

shaped by hands,

made of earth & music

for lovers to dance by, & when the age

of dancing passed, to mourn by, & the when the age

of mourning passed, to burn

& lie in death.

Every so often, I dream of you. Sometimes I wake up smiling, sometimes crying. But mostly all of them I end up crying anyway.

I miss how our love used to be. Before the all the mess, the trials, the hurt.

Every so often, I think of you. I wonder what you're doing, what you're thinking, who you're with. Are you outside on your porch? Are you looking out the window? Are you looking at the same moon as I am? Staring into the stars that so resemble your eyes?

Are you driving down the roads we used to drive? Are you smiling? Do you still laugh the same at you do? I miss that- the way your eyes always twinkled when you laughed or smiled.

I hope and pray you are happy. And I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you too.

I wish that in a different life, perhaps- all would be fixed and well. I wonder what my life would be like with you more often than I'd like to admit. Conscious or unconcious- you are with me always. You still haunt me, even in my dreams. You are permanently sealed in my brain, and will be with me the rest of my life. Both the love and the hurt, the pleasure and the pain- you're there. Forever.

My heart is heavy these days. I think of you often. I hope you're happy- that's all I want. I forgive you and I wish you the best in life. I pray to God that you know you are loved. You will always be loved.

Together, we’re

beer and a fight

sirens in the night

poverty and crime

poor and doing time

contempt and spite

dry ice and sprite

get out of the way

why would I stay?

I’m leaving

forever.

He gets things done

Sees and follows

his goals, plans—

and many~ dreams.

So hard-working

inspires me for sure!

most dear friend

who I’ve known for ages.

Him, incredible musician•

artist, unlike any other

knows what he wants,

and I truly admire that.

#Amazing.

How have you gone so far?

Yet statyed so close?

Night after night at a bar,

you’re sat ’til dusk,

drinking woes away.

You said together forever,

but why won’t you stay?

This heart of mine is lonely.

So spread out across the state

my heart can’t take it,

and my mind is full of hate

for once because of this.

Once upon a time we were one,

but now a split has come

and my heart is none

without someone like you.

I forgot to tell you

about your appointment on the fifth,

about the leftovers in the fridge,

and the bills yet to be paid.

I forgot to tell you

that the sex was getting stale,

that I’d found a marriage counsellor

and that we should go on holiday.

I even forgot to tell you

that you left your phone at home this morning

and that I was eating breakfast when it buzzed;

that “Lydia xoxo” has a rockin' bod

and that I can see why you like her, spunky as she seems.

I forgot to tell you anything at all—

I was too busy leaving.

.......

#challenge

#whatIforgottotellyou

#fiction

#shortfiction

you meet her. you meet her

& your heart beats so hard

it breaks on impact.

even knowing her, even

touching her hand, you see the end

coming restlessly like time.

there is so much of you

inside her. what is left if she

takes it & runs?

you envision angels with

their hearts on fire & try to

visualise that pain,

& explain it to her so

she understands, so she knows

how she should stay.

when she finally lets go, you

experience loss you never read about.

so deep it is immeasurable.

grief that cannot be felt,

but only carried.

I shouted your name

In a fireworks display

I could hear my own heart beat

Dragging my leg

More useless weight

But no one cared to see

You were looking up

For rockets and love

I could tell that you were free

It’s days like this

Oh in these times

That no one cares to be

If we found love

If we called it a life

I’m not sure what’s still clear

I can’t do another night

Dinning under Roman candle light

With a centerpiece

Of freshly cut tears