Just give me a little bit. A little something to know that there is still a rose that blooms between us. Our avoidance is wiltering it, and I can't watch it fade anymore. My every waking moment these days has been me providing sunshine, and water to an already dying symbol of love, and it's tasking...I'm running out of supplies. So do this for me, just this one thing:

Act Like You Love Me

Act Like You Love Me so I can go on.

For the sake of my sanity, fake it for me. Until I know that there is no hope for us.

When she doesn’t say I love you back.

I hold you tightly as I always do I whisper goodnight and I love you.

You don’t say I love you back

I wake you and help you start your day

And as you leave I say I love you.

You don’t say I love you back

I ask you when your day is through how it was. You tell me about it and I listen .

You tell me of people who want to take advantage and use you for their own benefit. You question why people don’t like you. I say I don’t know. I just know I love you. You don’t say I love you back.

You loving me is too much pressure on you.

But my loving you is a relief for me. It’s a strain lifted from my shoulders because I got you no matter what.

And I know that as long as I love you I got you.

Just because you stopped saying it doesn’t mean you’ve stopped loving me.

But if you have . So be it.

I have to stop saying I love you because I feel left alone in that moment. Where my words flutter away never accepted waiting at the door of your heart lay a million times these three words. Like gifts only partly unwrapped. You see what’s inside and open no further.

Stranded in a desert of 1 emotion.

Dehydrated and fatigued. Your words like a mirage that plagues my soul with glimmers of hope. But the approach is dreaded. The snares of your gaze the sharpness of your tongue cutting deep the silence and tranquility of my passion that burns loudly. I can not say these words with out meaning them. So I shall not say them at all for they do not deserve to leave my lips, nor travel through the atmosphere that separates my lips from your ear. And my ears do not deserve to suffer the silence of waiting for reciprocity.

You silently drive a wedge between your mind and your heart. And this is your right.

It’s an amazing feat. To escape the prison of the heart. A strength and courage I do not yet possess. But I cannot be broken. I can only love you. Though I may have to do so without words or action. My thoughts will always hold these words securely . My heart will always know them to be true. I love you.

If I ever say these words again to you it will be in response for when you say them to me. I can only hold you in my dreams now because at least there you are mine and you love me. At least there in my dreams you are mine and you love me. So must I live in my dreams for happiness to continue. Until my dreams lose their truths and cast me aside as a burden.

The stars will one day lose their shine and the night will be black with but 1 moon turning away into the shadows leaving me scrambling in darkness. Surrounded by my long dead spoken words of admiration that hold no meaning to anyone including myself as they will not help me find my way out. So I will walk alone in this darkness fueled by anger and sadness surrounded by the quietest of noise polluted by distaste and resentment that drowns out all other sounds of happiness.

You don’t say I love you back.

So this is where you must live .

You must rest in your own piece of mind.

And rely on the words you cherish most.

The ones that you never speak are the ones that are secret and your secrets are yours to keep.

But know that I’ve said it and I promise that those three words are forever.

I die I die I die after every breath I take

And my soul is fading. Consumed by nothing because of empty silences and deep sighs because of blank stares and hidden cries. Hands shaking a feverish growl in my belly hungry for a meal that will never come a starving beast of a man malnourished of compassion building a mountain of stone tears to drown under.

This was the kind of email I normally send straight to the trash without opening, but this morning was different, and I had at the moment accidentally read the subject blipette.

It read: “Helen, You’re Not Using the latest google apps!”

Gasp! I thought with a flash.

This was not the gasp of someone sad at their archaic application of phone applications; no. This gasp was more similar to the one of a true ladys shrill shreak at the intrusive asshole stealing a peek at her bare snatch when the Tom shit-bag for a peep had the gall to bardge right into her bathroom through the door.

I picture her as me, clutching her shower curtain with a scream and hurriedly hugging the thing to cover herself and the details of her fun bits. I metaphorically felt this but it fucked with me that google had to put that kind of thing in print, why the correspondence?

I decided to have some fun and chose to respond with a gushing and gruesome comparative depiction of the afflicted mental condition this type of invasive solicitation solicited from me. Thought I would shareshare, so here it is but be warned! It’s not Pretty...

Dear Google,

I do not need those and quite frankly i use enough google in my life to where every time i see your company trying to force me into another application it makes me wish I didnt use the applications i do use from you. 

I mean anything to get away from the digital rape. Youre like a drunk frat guy at a party who wont take no for an answer. You could make a roogle app; imagine a digital roofie that will make users unable to digress from participating in your new offers and then you can be enterprizing and charge them for their digital therapy theyll need for the rest of their lives! How about you charge monthly fees to have a therapy app assistant they can subscribe to when they need to get out how powerless they felt when the applications you assert had their ios wide open and the no button wasnt enough and essentially unclickable, not to mention those 3rd party allowances. They could do surveys assessing those times the “accept terms button” clicked itself before they could choose, and they can relive the data blowing its milky download  balls deep into their cloud (because you werent even polite enough to only stain their onboard memory, you had to have their whole online selves). Then you can set reminders! Reminders Just in case every time they use their phones (since that moment) the stain of the loss of their freedom dripping down in imagined globs on their poorly produced plastic screens isnt enough. Those globs reminding users of the repeated terror when Google PLAYed with them despite their screams. The reminders reminding chime paired with the viscous glob illusions would stop them forgetting the bloody stain left where their freedom used to be. That smudge smeared where they lay as it all took place. They could only view the HKEY/LocalUserAccount/Freedom.readme files, but, like sense memory the current user would be unable to Run:Freedom.exe or execute/freedom_apk. To remember would be the only granted permissions, and as an amputee knows what his toes felt like before they were taken; it is similarly that the crimson stain will be clear. Have their dropbox ready for the crying selfies so they can tap into their feels from any device, and the therapy assistant app will lend them the ear.I can see it now; Your Roogies App could be part of your cookies for all your apps! Itd be like the real drug roofies because cookies are a food thats drugable and frequently consumed without thought, and digitally cookies are like platforms sustinence and required for a program to be palatable.

The posibilities are endless i dare say, similar to your terms of service. Only difference is that possibilities are a choice if youd like to pay them mind but ignoring your googley grip cannot be stopped, not even by alt f4.

That said i will state that you are correct and will continue to be when ascertaining that im opting out of using your new shit. ill keep my eye out for when you port it through anyways though and

I expect an invitation to beta, naturally!

-sincerely

Your Nonconsentual Customer

#mymorningwithoutcoffeeordigitallube

#thiswouldnthappenwithponyexpress

#ineedpersonalcyberspace