Wake Up Full
Do you remember the nights we spent filling each other up?
You, eating my sleep as a feast.
And me, filling with your exhaustion.
Draining and bursting.
Bite down on the flesh of my dreams one last time?
Let me dig my teeth into your late nights?
Swallow down your slumber as you inhale my evening repose.
I know you’re starving, love.
So am I.
All of my love,
your sleepless nights
Warfare
I’m drowning in his veins. His heart, twice the size it should be, pumping tainted blood through the labyrinth buried beneath his skin. I take refuge in his lungs. And it’s then that I see what’s creating the cataract of sludge. Great piles of charred mess building across the walls. Too hot, poisoned air launched at me and him with kamikaze apathy and sniper-like precision. And all the while he spits the scorched oxygen to his heart. Cranking out more pollution than his body can dispose of. And me with my gas mask, hell-bent on tearing down the filth. I shovel it out like a chimney sweep in a stack that’s still on fire. Until my energy is spent. Until the tears stream hot and sulfurous, only adding to the contaminated blood. And I hope that if I stay here, a living thing inside of him, that the air that falls in on me will somehow be clean. That I can breathe life back into him. But the sky above me is filled with explosions of darkness. And the bombs only continue to fall.
A Barking Reminder
Sheer Will.
No, that's a lie.
My dogs get me up
On the toughest of mornings.
Their incessant whining
Barking and prancing
Begging for food.
They don't let up
Licking my exposed toes
Digging bony elbows into my back
Cold snouts pushed into my face.
They force me up
To feed them
Because I may not want to live
But I need to for my dogs.
It reminds me after a while
That those moments
Mean something
My life
Means something
To someone.
My husband,
My dogs,
My cats.
I may want to give up
See nothing to live for
But those barks are all it takes
to tell me
I'm needed, wanted, and loved.
That's what gets me up
When there's nothing to live for.
Trust in the Dark
Succumb to the succubine nectar
The nature of life
Feeding on itself
To survive through the night
We fight
Fuck
And feed off each other
A primordial urge
Embedded phonetically to epigenetically spread like a plague of light
Naked and shinning brightly in time through history
Once you’ve tasted Her sweet embrace
Her poisonous kiss
You must succumb to the cold stillness
Or use lifeless eyes and reflect back as you feed
Unaware you’re bleeding out all the while
aftertaste
the morning light
creeps into my bedroom
spreading honey
across the dark room
I can see it,
there on the other side
far away from my touch
as I,
drown in a sea of blankets,
the pillow
dipped under the
heavy weight of my mind,
the mattress
sinking inwards
under the heavy weight of
my mind and body
with no anchor to keep me afloat,
no boat to take me to the shore,
to the other side
dripping with sweet honey
the absense of your presense,
a taste of sea water
a salty, bitter aftertaste
after a quench of water.
A Messenger
I lay quite still that night
fanning my inner light.
The day put it out some,
so I asked it to come
back and fill me again.
A star came to visit me,
told me to call her Angie.
"You're one of us," she though
And her starry thoughts brought
me to dreams again.
I journeyed far that night,
cradled in fractured light
left by the star
who's thoughts were not far
from my lucid brain.
Why bother
My eyes are heavy and my heart is hollow,
my mind feels compressed as I have no dreams left to follow.
The blankets suffocate my feet with a warm yet umcomfortable feeling,
my arms are glued tight to the mattress as a wound is when it’s healing.
My pillow is stained from the mascara from the previous night,
I’ve left myself stranded. I can’t tell what is wrong, why don’t I feel right?
Just hours before I faced my friends with a big, bright smile.
It was fake though, it has been for a while.
Why don’t they notice when the colour has drained from my eyes?
Why don’t they ask me why I’ve hidden my sorrows with lies?
Do they not remember the person I used to be?
Do they not remember their old friend; me?
What’s the point, why should I keep trying?
There really is no reason that I should be denying,
that the old me is dead.
The paranoia pounds me, like a shot to the head.
Get up. Why bother? I have nothing to lose.
Wouldn‘t I be better off if I just drowned in my blues?
Even if I get up I’ll just be sleep walking,
and my subconscious will take over, and I’ll be auto pilot talking.
No one would notice if I didn’t leave my comfort zone,
because they aren’t the ones left lying here alone.
My thoughts stab my gut, telling me I have no place.
Maybe they‘re right. I’ll just quit the race...
But then I feel a sensation of joy,
and there on my floor sits patiently my good boy.
His eyes look at mine, and I know he sees my struggle.
He nudges forward, a good boy who gives the best cuddles.
And then I remember. My purpose. My only day’s important goal,
is getting out of bed to put food in my dog’s bowl.
Disarmed
your bruises have charming appearances
I never meant you harm or to disarm the
abuse that took away all of my defenses.
your words turn beauty to dust
and our bond once was trust
Now I’m drowning in the whispers
these tears can’t make me better
hurried memories scattered as if what we
had ever done together mattered
Blamed without an alibi
No way out with no defenses
My enemy is my friend
And our love was just a lie.
the scars you left me are enough for dissection
I see your eyes shining with desire,
so ghostly they reflect
Nothing but your dark empire
I’m inside your everything
adore my powerful soul
flare as you remain deflated alone
In the light gone cold.
Now we’re both in an explosion
at the edge of all
this time now that you have gone
and can only
be a stolen curse
show me how close you can come to winning
this dream of mine was a false universe.
imaginary and impossible
so they will lie amused at your downfall
as the lovers engage in a ritual
Laying down their intangible cures
tragic and helplessly entangled
This disaster that set in motion a
doomsday plan
For
an answer true
to a seance of fraudulent gypsies
in a chapter where it seems like the wind is just
blowing away at torn up pieces of my reality
And the past is all that I can see.