5 helpful tips that may not be helpful if you think about it.
1. Think about your divorce
When you think about your divorce, you cry
if you cry, you exert energy
you exert energy, you lose calories
you lose calories, you lose weight. Ta-da.
2. Try catching the homerun ball - The amount of time you wait for the ball to land in your glove will slowly burn away your weight. It also helps you forget your wife left you. (This tip is detrimental to the previous tip.)
3. Dial M for Mother Hotline - Call a surrogate mother using the Mother Hotline and cry to your fake mother that your wife left you. Weight guaranteed to be lost.
4. Decorate the Christmas Tree - Decorate the tree with all the ordainments from your previous relationship, and set it on fire. The heat from the tree will make you smile and laugh. If you laugh for 10 to 15 minutes, you will lose between 10 to 40 calories.
5. Touch Uranium-238 - Do not eat this material, it will kill you and Touch the material to allow radiation to slowly make you lose your body mass. Hopefully, it will be enough to get your wife to take you back. (Please, Laura, take me back.)
Strange Choice
1. The first time I wrote for myself was when I was seventh grade. I was in my English class and my teacher told us we can write anything in it. I was always fascinated by books and films and I wanted to see if i could do it. I couldn't. I was inexperienced but I learned that I was going to try everyday to become a better writer. I was inspired, knowing one day my voice would be heard. 2. Writing gave me comfort, it allowed me to express my feelings, my thoughts without ridicule and shame. I knew that I tried and put my mind to it, I can craft worlds, universes with my pen on a notebook and the keys on my computer. My goal in the end, is that I want to tell my story, leaving a legacy that may hopefully outlive me and grow into something greater than whatever I could thought possible.
Using the power to freeze and unfreeze time, I'd walk around the world. I'd see everything that there is to offer. I would be free of distractions, free of others, free to do what I want, say I have seen everything. In those moments of stasis, I will try all the food around me, I will being to learn the languages of the world. I will be able to communicate with others, form new memories with the hundreds of thousands of people. After I have seen everything, I will finish writing my screenplays and stories and attempt to accomplish my dream. It ain't so bad having the ability to freeze time, I might accomplish everything.